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I’m writing this blog to memorialize one of the best weeks of my life.

It shouldn’t have been a good week. After a personal crisis that I won’t elaborate on, I arrived at my son Craig’s home at 8:30 am Saturday morning.

Craig and his wife welcomed me and carried all that I had brought with me up to their guest room where I settled in.  The next day my daughter Jill drove down from her home near San Jose to spend the week with me.

I am a man who likes to take care of others.  I seldom ask for help. When I do I am sometimes turned down.  Possibly because I don’t ask for help well, or maybe because some people are more used to receiving than to giving.

Craig and his wife have two young boys and they are always busy with work. Even so, Craig spent all day Saturday with me, shopping for clothes and taking care of other emergency items.  I was touched.  Throughout the week Craig and his wife spent hours talking with me. As we opened ourselves to each other, I grew to know them better than I ever have. It was a love fest.

Jill referred me to an expert who provided me with advice that was pivotal in helping me resolve my problem.  Jill also drove me to and from work all week, handling her own life from a laptop in my office.  On Friday her son flew to Los Angeles and the three of us spent the best day together I can ever remember.

During the week my office staff was extremely supportive. They went above and beyond.

Many close friends and family members called or texted me with support, and to tell me they love me.

On Saturday, Craig, his family and I, participated in the peaceful March For Our Lives demonstration in downtown Santa Monica.  I carried a sign I created myself, complete with blinking lights, that said, “POETS NOT BULLETS”.  One man offered to carry my sign for a while, many people took photos of it, and there were “thumbs up” all around.

I always want to be better tomorrow than I am today.  So what are the lessons I’ve learned?

First, when you need help ask for it.  You may be pleasantly surprised.

Second, when life serves you lemons, make lemonade.  It may sound trite, but I’ve found that when one door closes many doors open.  You only have to maintain a positive attitude and use a tiny bit of your energy to help those doors along.

Third, when I share more of myself, friends and family share more of themselves.  Life is reciprocal.  Though I’m not always responsible for what comes my way.  I’m always responsible for what I do with it.

As a result of this experience, I intend to be even more open with my family and close friends than I have been. An old Alka Seltzer commercial says, “Try it.  You’ll like it,” I agree.

Craig is very good at puns.  Last Sunday morning he said, “Today may be a sad day, but yesterday was a sadder day.”  Haha.

Here’s to the future. Here’s to asking for what you need from family and friends — and here’s to receiving it.

With love and thanks to all,

Alan

Should you “try, try, again”?

Conventional wisdom says “yes.”  I say, “Trying again is just one option.  There are others.”

First I should mention that I regard any conclusion I reach in my life as a working hypothesis. For example, I believe that Los Angeles, where I was born, is the best city in the world for me to stay. That’s why I’m still here.  But I’m open to the idea that my rock-solid conclusion, which I have acted on for seventy-eight years, is subject to review and change.

Circumstances change.  Our abilities change.  Our understanding of our lives can change as well.  Maybe a conclusion reached many years ago (“I’ll never talk to that neighbor again”) was inappropriate in the first place.  To find and live the best possible life we must always be open to changing our conclusions.  I’m sure of that.  (Ha ha.)

During the past fifty years I have syndicated and managed commercial real estate.  I have many loyal investors, and we have purchased and sold hundreds of properties.  When I present an investment to a potential investor I seldom “try, try again.”

Years ago I offered an investment to a gentleman referred to me by my friend Gary.  When the gentleman said he had decided to invest, I prepared and mailed out a contract.  One week later I contacted him to confirm that he had received it.  He said that he had, and would sign and return it immediately, together with his check.

After three weeks I still hadn’t received anything from him,   I finally asked that he either return or destroy the documents in his possession.

Several months later Gary asked me to offer a second investment to the same gentleman.

I said, “Gary, it’s my policy not to do that.  If someone agrees to invest and asks for a contract, then doesn’t perform, it is unlikely that they will perform the second time.”  (See my book People Tools, Chapter 7, “Patterns Persist”.)

“Alan, this man has referred many investors to me.  I’m sure he will invest with you this time.  As a favor to me, please send him a contract.”

I did.  But his pattern persisted.  No investment.

Sometimes it is appropriate to try once, and then stop trying. Or try someone else or something different.

I once met a potential investor in her apartment in Marina del Rey.  She was a practicing attorney. As we talked she began to tell me about all of the litigation she was involved in.  She was suing various people, and many people were suing her.

She pestered me for more than two years, but I never sent her any investment information.  I didn’t want to be next victim on her litigation list.

Sometimes it’s better not to try at all.

And sometimes it’s best to end writing a blog while your reader is still interested.  I remember the show biz adage, “Leave ‘em wanting more.”

Thanks.

Alan

We’ve all heard it said, “Money can’t buy happiness.”  But I’ve also heard it said that, “Money is way ahead of whatever is in second place.”

I’ve been in business for more than fifty years. Had you asked me during my first ten years, “what is the goal of your business?” I would have answered, “profit.” Back then my goal was profit, pure and simple.

Over the next forty years, however, my views have gradually changed.  I’ve met many people who have focused their lives on the pursuit of profit, and they are not happy.

I’d like to ask each of them the question, “How much is enough?” But I think their answer would probably be, “More.”  I respectfully disagree.

Recently the CEO of a company with more than six trillion dollars under management wrote a letter to the top executive of all of the companies in which they had invested, advising them that they would be evaluated not just on their profits, but also on their contribution to their communities. He made it clear that those companies would do well (in terms of profits) if they were also doing good (helping their communities).

I would take that a bit farther.

I think it’s also a very good business idea to take care of your employees.  After all, they are the folks who show up every day and handle your business.  Without them you would be kaput   If employees feel treated badly, at best they will be less productive and at worst they will quit.  Most businesses seriously underestimate the cost of finding, hiring, and training replacements.

This is why I try to show appreciation by buying lunch, giving bonuses from time to time, and offering “personal” days off.

But even if you don’t own your own business, I still believe that you can enhance your life by taking care of yourself and those around you. Spend more time with your families, take a bit more vacation every year, enjoy sitting down to dinner with your children or loved ones most days, and spend much of your weekends with them engaging in shared activities that bring happiness into your lives. These activities ultimately matter more than profit.

I would write more, but one of my sons has asked for more of my time, and I’m off to have lunch with him.

Alan