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The Joy of Slowing Down

by Alan Fox 2 Comments

I’ve been in a hurry most of my life.

I was in a hurry to grow up (at age 4), get married (at 21), and start a family (at 23).  As an accountant I prided myself on preparing an income tax return in four hours when the person who prepared it the year before took ten.  I want to finish writing this blog as quickly as I can so I can start on my next project.  I even justify vacations with the thought that I’ll be much more productive when I return.

Rereading the above paragraph I feel tired already.

But last Thursday I tried something different.  For one entire day, I slowed down.

I had an appointment at 8:00 am with my dental hygienist.  Her office is a sixteen-minute drive from my home.  I usually allow fourteen minutes because I don’t want be early and then have to wait. If traffic is light, and if every traffic light cooperates, I conceivably can complete the drive in fourteen minutes.  It actually happened once.

But last Thursday I left my home at 7:32 am, allowing myself twenty-eight minutes.  I arrived twelve minutes early.  That felt unusual, so I tried to relax in my car, with partial success.  Then I walked slowly from the parking garage to the elevator, enjoying the breeze, the flowers, and my relaxed pace.  I arrived at the dental office five minutes ahead of schedule and looked in a mirror to be sure this stranger was actually me.

I felt totally at peace throughout my visit.  This was a new experience.  Back in my car I figured I had just enough time to rush to my office for a few minutes before heading downtown for an appointment at my bank.  Then I remembered I had invited a friend for dinner and Trader Joe’s was nearby, so I drove to Trader Joe’s instead.

I bought a bouquet of flowers for the evening, as well as a few of my guest’s favorite foods.  Then I stopped at home to put the flowers in a vase before heading downtown.

After the bank meeting I drove to Westwood for lunch with my younger son.  I remained relaxed throughout my entire day, which was a significant change from my normal “rush” mode.

What a nice day last Thursday turned out to be – my very first day of slowing down.

Did I accomplish as much as I might have?  That’s not the right question.

Did I enjoy my day more than I otherwise might have?  Absolutely.

For one entire day I experienced the joy of slowing down, and I recommend it to you.  And you don’t have to slow down all at once.  You can start now, or later, and take your time doing it.  In other words, you don’t have to hurry.

I think I’ll go back to bed now for a few minutes.  Then I’ll be ready for my calm, seven-minute drive to work.

Alan

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Addicted to Money

by Alan Fox 2 Comments

ADDICTION is defined as the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, such as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

MONEY, is defined as any circulating medium of exchange, including coins, paper money, and demand deposits.

Last month I flew to Monterey, California for a seminar held at a beautiful conference center on the Pacific Ocean.  Unfortunately, both my wallet and my cash remained in the pocket of my jacket in Los Angeles.  So there I was at the front desk of Asilomar, checking in for the weekend, with no money and no credit card.

Fortunately, my daughter Jill was with me.  She kindly loaned me one of her credit cards.

Even though I had previously paid in full for the conference, I felt limited.  I used Jill’s card to register, but I did not feel comfortable charging anything to my room. I felt psychologically naked (though perhaps no one else noticed).  That feeling was exacerbated on Sunday when I used an App on my iPhone to arrange for a ride back to the airport.  The credit card I had on file for Lyft was denied.  A few months earlier that card had been replaced after a fraudulent charge.

I reluctantly entered Jill’s credit card number into my Lyft account, and my driver soon appeared.

There I was, three hundred miles from home, with no cash or my own credit cards.  I felt unsettled, angry, and scared.

Back in Los Angles when I found my wallet exactly where I had left it I felt reassured, reenergized, and relieved.

This was a minor experience but it left a major impact.  I began to think about the role of money in our lives and, frankly, I conclude that most of us, including me, are addicted to money because “…its cessation causes severe trauma.”

Let’s refocus.  Years ago I had a “smiley face” printed on each check for my personal bank account.  Several people asked me, “Why the smiley face?  After all, you’re spending money.”

My answer was, “Because I’d rather have whatever I’m buying than the money.  So spending money is a happy experience for me.”

How easy it is to forget that money has very little value in and of itself.  You might be able to fry an egg on a campfire fueled by dollar bills, but if you eat a dollar bill you won’t receive much nutrition.  And one day all of your money – every cent of it – will belong to someone else.  This is not a guess.  It’s a certainty.

So let’s take a deep breath, use the beautiful alchemy of transforming money into something we will enjoy a lot more, and remember that numbers on a bank statement are a means to an end, and certainly not and end in itself.

Alan

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Encounter in an Elevator

by Alan C. Fox 0 Comments

I have many rules for myself.  One is that I don’t initiate conversations with a stranger in either an airplane or an elevator.

I made this rule when I was young because I was afraid to talk to strangers.  I never knew what to say and “Nice weather” seemed too obvious and too generic.  Small talk didn’t work for me.  It still doesn’t.

But always I like to reconsider my old rules, just in case they may not work for me today, and I suggest you do the same.  If you are aware that you have been operating under a rule from long ago, think about whether it still serves you. Maybe you are stuck in an old behavior pattern simply because you have “always” done it that way. Change can equal freedom.

Last week I parked my car in a multi-level garage in Century City. I found a space on the second level, and decided to ride the elevator to the ground floor.

The elevator opened and a young man wearing spectacles began to walk out.  Suddenly he looked confused.

“This is the second floor, not the first,” I said. He nodded and reentered the elevator.

“You know,” I said, “whenever I get into an elevator I want it to go to the floor I want without stopping for anyone else.  But that seldom happens.”  We both laughed.

He said, “I feel the same way.”

We enjoyed our short ride.  He indicated that I should exit before him, which I did.

“Have a nice afternoon,” he said.

“You too.”

I kept a smile on my face for the rest of the day. I had chosen to follow a new rule – share something about myself with a stranger.  We both enjoyed our friendly exchange.

Your personal rules are supposed to help you navigate through life.  But if you’re like me (especially if you’re more than twenty years old), your life might very well be improved by rethinking your routines. Discard old habits that no longer serve you.

Like me, you might start talking to a stranger in an elevator.  Or even in an airplane.  Or you might stop talking to strangers.  It all depends on who you are today.

One morning, when my oldest son was six years old, I discovered him frying an egg. He was kneeling on the counter top next to the gas range because he couldn’t reach the stove from the floor.

Today my son is an MD, almost six feet tall, and more than fifty years old.  When he fries an egg he does it just like I do – standing on the kitchen floor. He has long since outgrown his original way of cooking eggs.

Alan

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