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This is the title of a popular song from a number of years ago. If you look online you can watch Bobby McFerrin’s Official Video. It has had more than 145 million views. That’s a lot of people being happy, or at least wanting to be.

I am a pragmatist, which means I’m always thinking about practical ways to implement good ideas.

For many years I have tried to live accordingly. Whenever I start to worry about something, I ask myself the question:  “Can I do anything about this right now?”  If I can, I do.  If not – then I immediately stop worrying.  This might sound impossible, but everyone can do it with practice.  And if you can’t do it perfectly – don’t worry.  Even a little more happiness is a blessing.

Many years ago I woke up at 4:30 am worrying about a business problem.  It bothered me a lot, but I realized that I actually could do something about it. So I climbed out of bed, got ready for work, and drove to my office in the dark.  As it turned out, an hour later one of my apartment managers called the office to leave me a message about the same problem. She was startled when I answered the phone at 5:45 am.  Together we were able to work out a solution.  I stopped worrying.

My dad had a theory that we should not allow our bodies to experience stress below the neck.  When I was with him he seemed to be in a good mood virtually all of the time.  He also ate whatever he wanted (and his favorite restaurant was a buffet). Since he lived to be 104, perhaps he was on to something.

I have a friend Betsy who worries much of the time.  If a doctor performs tests and doesn’t call her within a few hours she assumes she is going to die.  For Betsy, and many others, worrying, and expecting the worst, is a way of life, and changing this pattern will take time and practice.  One technique is to “change the subject” in your mind and instead of worrying (when you can’t do anything about it) remind yourself of a pleasant experience, or something you are grateful for.  Recent research clearly shows that feeling gratitude is one of the best and most reliable ways to feel happy.

I’ll confide to you that early this morning I began to worry about completing my blog in time to post it.  So I took action – I began to write.  Now that problem is solved – at least for the time being.

Of course, there is always next week…

Alan

The way I heard the story years ago is that members of the national French legislature were debating a law that would have treated men and women differently.  The arguments were hot and heavy, with one legislator contending that men and women are essentially the same and should be treated as such.  When his opponent insisted that men and women were different, a voice from the back of the chamber spoke up loudly to declare, “Vive La Différence!”

In any relationship I used to assume that the other person – you – was just like me.  After all, I’m pretty wonderful, so why shouldn’t you be the same?  And if you’re different – you eat yogurt for breakfast and I prefer scrambled eggs – then you must be wrong.

Today I think the idea that my skills and preferences are superior to yours is not only silly, but it is also destructive and prevents me from freely acknowledging that where we differ you might be right.  Also, our differences can make our relationship more interesting.  After all, I might, just possibly, learn something valuable from you.

For example, I plan my life so that I’m generally on time (unless I have an appointment across town — I seldom allow enough time for traffic).  Why shouldn’t everyone else plan their life just like I do?  Why shouldn’t everyone be on time (unless traffic is heavy)?

The answer, of course, is that everyone is not on time because they’re different.  They have a different – not worse, but merely different – relationship to time than I do.  This used to be an issue between my wife and me.  After many years I finally decided that her more relaxed attitude might be better than my up-tight-tapping-on-my-watch approach, and that the friction between us wasn’t worth it.  In the great scheme of things does it really matter if we start lunch at 12:15 instead of at noon?  There is always something interesting I can read on my cell phone.

Several of my children are vegans. I enjoy dining with them at a number of the vegan restaurants in town.  Who knows, they might be right, and I most likely benefit from eating fewer animal products.

So now I make it a point not to be insular or arrogant about my choices, and to embrace the preferences and abilities of my friends.  Perhaps I mean this in a different context than was originally intended in the French legislature, but I’m in full agreement with the idea –

Vive la Différence!

Alan

I arrived home from work, a little early (but not by much). Daveen was sitting on the family room sofa, a stack of papers before her.  It seemed like the same stack she had worked on for thirty-five years.

I said “Hi”.  We embraced. She sniffled a bit.

“I brought my papers down to work on them here, so I could be near Lil Mama,” she said, “but I couldn’t do much with tears in my eyes.”

“I know. I’m so sorry.”

“I called the place where our daughter took her dog, but they close at four.”  Daveen begins to cry.  “She still has the ashes.”

“I’m sure they’ll be open tomorrow.”  What else could I say?

“I took her outside once, earlier today, but she didn’t pee. Today she hasn’t eaten anything. But she looks a little better.”

Lil Mama is a fifteen-year-old dog that Daveen rescued two years and two months ago.  This dog must have been seriously mistreated because she flinched when anyone reached over to pet her, though she will permit a small amount of contact.  Daveen was told that Lil Mama would live no more than three months.  She’s lasted a lot longer than that, thanks to Daveen’s close attention and loving care.

“She’s still breathing a bit too quickly,” I said.

“Better than this morning.”

“Yes. Better than this morning.”

I sliced half a banana into my cereal. Daveen heated her frozen enchilada, for the second time.

The two of us quietly enjoyed a simple dinner. Our children are grown. The garden is ready for our Sunday party for my dad who recently died at 104. We sat alone, together for awhile.

With difficulty, Lil Mama circled in her bed, then curled up and lay down. She could hardly walk.

I felt close to Daveen.  Separately, I felt close to Lil Mama.

Later, and tomorrow, and after, we will cry.

Love,

Alan