Cheetos Now; Cheetos Forever

 

Years ago I was at a comedy show in Inverness, Scotland, and remember one joke which was very funny but still cuts me to my core.

“I’m on a seafood diet,” the comedian said.  “I see food, I eat it.”

I have always been on the plus side of the scale.  When I was ten or eleven my father tried to help me lose a few pounds.  We had a running “bet” – lose weight, he paid me, gain weight, I paid him.  That arrangement ended when he realized I was manipulating the scale so that I could instantly “lose” between three and five pounds.

My problem, then and now, is that with food, especially salty junk food like potato chips or Cheetos, my brain short circuits.  I see it, I eat it.

The issue is delayed gratification.

With money I am great about this.  I always feel safe and secure when I save money.

When I was twenty three a friend suggested I buy my wife a new dress.  I said, “It’s not the $20.00 for the dress.  It’s the $3.00 a year in lost income for the rest of my life.  That’s a pretty expensive dress.”  At the time I assumed I could earn 15% a year on invested money.  My experience tells me this target is unrealistic, but an 8% annual return is reasonable.  In part I wooed my wife Daveen by exciting her with the idea of compound interest.  (Yes, I sometimes take my calculator to bed.)

I offer two examples.  At age seven one of my daughters earned $13,000 from one word in a television commercial for Brawny paper towels.  If I could invest that money for her at 8% until she is 65, she will have $1,325,508.04.  That is not a typo.  By age 65 she will have more than 100 times the money that she started with.

Want to be a billionaire?  Easy.  Invest one dollar at 6% for 347 years.  If you earn 8% it will take only 260 years.  But you will need to start when you are very young.

More realistically, if you are thirty and invest $100/month at 6% you will accumulate $142,471.03 by age 65.  Earn 8% and you will have $229,388.25.  Start at age 20 and you will own $527,453.99.

At this point you may have grabbed your HP 17 to check out my numbers.  More likely, your brain has gone numb.  But my point is that delayed gratification works with money.  Save now and you can spend more, often a lot more, later.  But you have to convince yourself that you enjoy the process.  No amount of money is worth it if you feel deprived for 35 or 45 years.

Back to Cheetos.  For me, delayed gratification with food isn’t easy.  Ask the owner of any buffet restaurant I’ve raided for the past sixty years.  My joy in scarfing down the garlic toast trumps the saying, “A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.”  Half my body must now consist of potato chips and Cheetos.  But it sure seemed like fun at the time.

During the past two years I’ve convinced myself, at least in part, that when I’m hungry my body is burning up those used Cheetos.  This is a happy thought.  I’ve consumed more protein, less garlic toast, and lost 55 pounds.  I have much more energy, and have accumulated a lot of compliments from my friends.  Perhaps too many compliments.  I’m losing motivation.

Just between the two of us, do you have any Cheetos?

Alan

Comments ( 9 )

  1. patti McDermott
    I love this post, its funny and real and informative, too! What more could I ask for? I especially like your idea that being able to use delayed gratification for one thing (making, saving money) does not at all translate to other things (food). Yet you managed to figure out a way to do it around part of the food issue is by "reframing" which you've mentioned in other posts. If you can't get what you want one way--delayed gratification straight up--you suggest we go at it, sideways--delayed gratification by way of reframing--pretty smart guy. Thanks again, Alan, for sharing your thoughts and your smarts.
    • Alan C. Fox
      I think you get it more than I did when I wrote the blog. Many thanks. Alan
  2. Valerie
    Yeah! Protein and vegetables. We need you to live a very long life so we can keep on getting these way cool blogs. XXXOOO.
    • Alan C. Fox
      That is what I am hoping for, Valerie. A few Cheetos once in a while can't hurt too much. XO-Alan
  3. Linda
    Alan, I have a confession. I am a closet Cheeto eater. I work out at least 5 days a week and I would never let my gym buddies know, that as soon as I get home from the gym, I have a handful of Cheetos. It's my reward for working out :0)
    • Alan C. Fox
      Linda- I won't tell on you if you don't tell on me ;) Best, Alan
  4. Nadine
    I have the misfortune of having a genetic heritage of a very high cholesterol, which I don't dietarily deserve. The predecessors who passed that on have "apple bodies" and I'm clearly a "pear"--which proves to me that life isn't fair. For me, statins cause miseries I'm not willing to endure, so a Kaiser pharmacist offered me an option: I have to eat 25 Grams of fiber a day. Who knew the fabulous cookbooks for foods that contain fiber! After 25 Grams a day, I feel satisfied. This deal has given me a great return on a very small investment (and no statin misery). My LDL is way down, I've lost weight without trying, and don't crave salty, crunchy snacks now. There may even be fiber in cheetos!
  5. Your Money or Your Wife | People Tools
    […] I wrote in my blog “Cheetos Now: Cheetos Forever”, a friend, Robert Berg, suggested at the time that I occasionally buy Jo Anne a new […]
  6. Read Home
    I'd been advisable this website through my uncle. I'm just will no longer guaranteed when it posting will be authored by using him seeing that no one acknowledge such focused about our difficulty. You are excellent! Thanks!

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