Marriage Is a Team Sport

by Alan C. Fox 6 Comments

When I was first married at age twenty-one I knew almost everything there was to know about marriage.  Today, a few marriages and more than fifty years later, I have come to realize that I don’t know as much now as I did then.

But I do know this:  Marriage is a team sport.  It might not “take two to Tango,” because you could dance with an imaginary partner.  But it does take two to enjoy a marriage, and both of you have to be real.  Here are some of the rules of the marriage game as I now know it.

  1. Each partner has to work at making a marriage work. Solo is a no go.
  2. It’s not automatic and you get better with practice. When I watched the World Ice Skating Championships recently I was struck by the amount of dedication and constant practice needed for every competitor to achieve that level. Two hours a day or two days a week won’t get you to the top in any sport.  Marriage is no exception.
  3. Get coaching. Your friends, parents, or a good therapist can help you.  They’ve been there.  Do you think the best players in baseball or basketball are “naturals”? And even if they are, their game can be improved substantially by advice from an experienced expert.
  4. Give before you take. Fifty years ago I was lazy.  Today when I see that my wife has left a sack of groceries next to her car in the garage I pick up the bag and carry it into the kitchen.  Fifty years ago I might have reminded her that she left the groceries in the garage and they were getting warm.
  5. Be lavish with sincere compliments. This is like planting a garden.  The yield on your seeds will amaze you.
  6. Say “I love you” every time you feel it.
  7. Each partner has to believe that he or she is being treated fairly most of the time. Ultimatums kill relationships, even when you’re right.  I should say, especially when you’re right.
  8. Share your hopes and fears. Especially your fears.  This will always bring you closer.
  9. “In sickness and in health” is true. Take care of your partner.  This is a great bonding experience, just as taking care of your children is a great bonding experience.
  10. Be honest, even when it is difficult. Especially when it is difficult. And treat your partner’s honesty with gratitude and respect.
  11. As Abraham Lincoln said in his second inaugural address, “With malice toward none, with charity for all.” Charity toward your partner will get you everywhere. Malice is a dead end.

There you are – the Fox rules for a successful marriage, which will bring intimacy and joy to both of you every day of your life.

Love,

Alan

Comments ( 6 )

  1. Stellasue Lee, Ph. D.
    How true. So good to see it all in one place at one time.
    • Alan Fox
      Thanks Stellasue. I hope your move went well. Alan
  2. Sharon F Koch
    Yep. Think you've learned a lot, Alan. Glad you understand about grocery bags!
    • Alan Fox
      Thanks Sharon. It feels good to participate in some household chores -- and I've always enjoyed shopping for groceries. Alan
  3. Robbie Dein
    IThank you for your dedication, time, and effort to Share your experience. It reminds me of who I am; who we All are! It feels good to be All In! It feels like Making a Donation to create a More Positive World! Often, it takes a relationship with another person to experience 'oneself giving'. To feel the energy that is received by your wife / partner, is an energizing experience. Others, mirror or reflect our energies back to us, often in an effortless or unintentional subtle but discernible way, while sometimes In a powerful conscious response. Whether we recognize it or not we are All One, both in individual relationships 1:1 and as collective inhabitants of this amazing spinning sphere. Each of our energies, momentary choices of what we do, can be a small wave or a tidal wave emanating out across the room, our family, our community, and our planet and beyond. So, I agree, consciously practicing one on one is an amazing opportunity, a sacred sharing between 2 people in relationship, marriage.....that is powerfully energetic.
    • Alan Fox
      Thanks Robbie. As a writer I always appreciate comments from readers of my blog. And we agree -- helping others feels good. Alan

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes:

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Yes, I would like to receive emails from Alan C. Fox. Sign me up!


By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: . You can revoke your consent to receive emails at any time by using the SafeUnsubscribe® link, found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact