Positive Words, Positive Thoughts for the New Year

It’s time to start thinking about an even better year in 2016.  One of my most productive habits is to think positively.  Being positive includes using positive words.

For example, I have always told my children “you get to go to school today,” rather than “you have to go to school today.” When I was practicing law if I told a client the structure they proposed for a transaction wouldn’t work, I always followed with, “and here is how you can accomplish what you want to do.”

We all make prophecies, if only to ourselves.  Those prophecies tend to be self-fulfilling.  We often say to ourselves, “I’m not good at interviews so I probably won’t get the job,” or “She’s so attractive that I don’t think she would ever go out with me.”  My success is greater when I tell myself, “I’m improving at interviews, practicing every day, and I will get the job.”  Or, “She is super attractive and other guys are probably scared to ask her out.  I have a great sense of humor and I’ll bet she would be thrilled to have dinner with me.”

When I’m talking to others I pay close attention to the words I use.  I never say, “I won’t leave to pick you up until I’m sure you’re ready to go.”  That’s negative and feels like an accusation.  Instead I say, “I’ll be happy to pick you up as soon as you’re ready.”  This is the identical message, but with a far more positive tone.  Listen to yourself when you talk.  Be sure you are delivering your content in a positive way.

In negotiating I often say, “I’ll be pleased to respond to your offer as soon as I receive your financial statements,” rather than, “I won’t respond to your offer until I receive your financial statements.”  Again, the same content but delivered in an encouraging way.  I want everyone on the other side of a negotiation to warm up to me and want to do business with me. The words, “I will,” are far more effective than, “I won’t,” in getting others to root for my success.

I used to ask my friend Harry to go to football games with me, but his initial answer was always, “I don’t know.  I think I may have to work that day.”  Even though, in the end, Harry often joined me, I became tired of chasing him and waiting for an answer.  My new friend Trevor says, “Thanks for asking.  I’d be delighted to join you.”  Now I always ask Trevor first.

A few weeks from now, when you make your New Year’s resolutions, stick with “I will” rather than “I won’t.”  Tell yourself, ‘I will be positive,” rather than “I won’t be negative.”  Also, you might decide that your bias in the New Year will be to say “yes.” Shonda Rhimes wrote a book on this – Year of Yes.  It worked for her.  It will work for you.

Have a great new year.

Alan