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A Day With No Schedule

by Alan Fox 0 Comments
A Day With No Schedule

This morning, as usual, I woke up and checked my calendar.

The page for today was blank.

I’ve written before about how an empty calendar previously caused me to feel a twinge of sadness. But today I felt relief.

Because today I had no appointments.

No meetings.

No lunch plans.

No conference calls.

No doctors.

No dentists.

No people wanting a few minutes of my time, which always seems to take more than an hour.

After nearly six decades of running a company, raising a family, publishing a poetry magazine, writing books, serving on boards, and generally sticking my nose into more projects than wisdom would recommend, I have become accustomed to a calendar filled with names. For more than sixty years weekdays meant obligation.

But today my calendar was as open as the sky.

I loved it.

When I was younger, I might have panicked. Surely something must be wrong, because everyone knows you should use every scrap of time for accomplishment. Build something. Buy something. Fix something.

But now, at eighty-six, I have a more relaxed philosophy.

Sometimes the highest form of productivity occurs when you give yourself the time and space to create without a deadline or schedule.

Around nine I ambled into my home office and sat in my chair. And then I just sat there gazing out the window at my lovely backyard and watched a squirrel swipe an avocado from a neighbor’s tree.

Then I spent a few hours reading a new book.  At lunchtime I contemplated the contents of the refrigerator.  A man rushing to complete a task or who is late for an appointment grabs food. A man with no schedule is free to study the ingredients and leftovers in the fridge with the concentration of a museum curator.

I considered whether a piece of pie might qualify as a balanced meal (if consumed thoughtfully).

The best moment came in midafternoon when I briefly wondered whether I might like to take a nap.

Then I wondered if I should read. Or maybe write.

Then I decided to postpone the decision.

Freedom, I’ve discovered, is not needing to have the answers, and tomorrow the calendar will probably refill itself. It always has.

But today was a gift — an entire day without a single date.

How do I respond when I receive such a gift?

I say, “Thank you”.

Alan.

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My First White Shirt

by Alan Fox 0 Comments
My First White Shirt

I’m currently 86 years old, but I still remember my first white shirt and tie. My father gave them to me when I was 15, almost three quarters of a century ago.  My memory of the white shirt is indelible.

The shirt was made from Dacron, a synthetic polyester fiber developed by Dupont in the 1950’s. It was known for being strong and wrinkle resistant.  My father had used this shirt, his only white shirt, for a three- month Xavier Cugat tour of the Philippines and Asia.  You read it right.  A single white shirt, hand washed every night by my dad, for three months.  In the tropics. He packed light (and the fabric was also known for drying very fast).

By the time I inherited the shirt it had several problems, most notably the smell.  Evidently, despite all its other qualities, the fabric wasn’t resistant to odors, and over time it had acquired an indelible stench.  My father must have sweated profusely, and the odor of sweat always clung to the shirt, regardless of who was wearing it or how many times it was washed.

There was also a cigarette burn in the sleeve that scratched my left arm every time I wore the darn shirt, and whenever I wore the shirt, I choked. Literally.  My dad had a 15-1/2 inch neck and I have a 17-1/2 inch neck. Securing the top button was nearly impossible, but I sure tried.  Especially for school dances.

When I was married, my wife suggested that I buy a white shirt that fit me properly. Good advice.  But by then the shirt had served its purpose and had looked good enough, to get me married.

I’m delighted to report that society has finally caught up with me in allowing informality, and my too-tight white shirt has long ago been retired.  But I still have six white shirts hanging in my closet, should either of my sons be attending a dance.  And all of them have a proper 17-1/2-inch neck.

But I still hate wearing ties.

Alan

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What Is Life Really About?

by Alan Fox 2 Comments
What Is Life Really About?

That’s one of the big questions, though most of us don’t ponder it much because we’re busy getting through our days, trying to find our car keys and remember our passwords.

Still, the question does remain, even if wedged into the back of our minds.

What is life really about?

Some people believe it’s all about winning. Get the grade, get the money, get the applause, get the better car, get the bigger office, get the blue checkmark, get whatever shiny thing the other person has to offer. But if life were only about winning, then every champion would remain happy forever, and that clearly does not happen. Even people who “have it all” eventually discover that “all” was not enough. Both a full calendar and an empty heart can reside in the same house.

Others say life is about pleasure.  Not a bad idea. Be comfortable. Be entertained. Avoid pain. Eat dessert first and never ask yourself difficult questions. Now, I’m not against dessert. I think it’s one of civilization’s better ideas. But a life built only on comfort can gradually become uncomfortably empty. If your main goal is to avoid difficulty, you will also be avoiding growth, courage, surprise, and meaning.

So maybe life is not entirely about winning and comfort.

Maybe life is about becoming.

Becoming wiser. Kinder. Braver. More honest. More yourself.

That does not mean becoming famous or living to impress others. Those are costumes. I suggest you become the person you would respect even if nobody else noticed or clapped.

A good life, I think, has at least three parts.

First: love. Love of family, friends, truth, beauty, justice, ideas, music, a dog who thinks you are a genius because you opened a bag of snacks. Life is thin and meaningless without connection. We are built to care and be cared for.

Second: purpose. You do not need to solve world hunger by Thursday. But it helps to do something that matters beyond gazing at your own reflection. Make something. Help someone. Learn something deeply. Stand for something decent. Tiny acts count. A life can be meaningful in a whisper as well as a shout.

Third: wonder. Life is richer when we remain curious. What makes the sky beautiful? Who made up all the words? Why do we like songs? Wonder protects life from becoming a long corridor of chores.

And yes, life also includes confusion, boredom, loss, embarrassment, and taxes. From the mundane discomfort you feel when you send a text to the wrong person, to the deep pain you feel when you lose someone you love. Meaning is not the absence of feeling uncomfortable. Meaning is having reasons to keep living.

So, what is life really about?

As best I can tell: loving well, growing honestly, helping where you can, and paying attention so you’ll notice all the miracles in this strange, difficult, wonderful, and funny world.

Life is far from perfect.

Perhaps that’s another facet of its charm.

Alan

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