That’s one of the big questions, though most of us don’t ponder it much because we’re busy getting through our days, trying to find our car keys and remember our passwords.

Still, the question does remain, even if wedged into the back of our minds.

What is life really about?

Some people believe it’s all about winning. Get the grade, get the money, get the applause, get the better car, get the bigger office, get the blue checkmark, get whatever shiny thing the other person has to offer. But if life were only about winning, then every champion would remain happy forever, and that clearly does not happen. Even people who “have it all” eventually discover that “all” was not enough. Both a full calendar and an empty heart can reside in the same house.

Others say life is about pleasure.  Not a bad idea. Be comfortable. Be entertained. Avoid pain. Eat dessert first and never ask yourself difficult questions. Now, I’m not against dessert. I think it’s one of civilization’s better ideas. But a life built only on comfort can gradually become uncomfortably empty. If your main goal is to avoid difficulty, you will also be avoiding growth, courage, surprise, and meaning.

So maybe life is not entirely about winning and comfort.

Maybe life is about becoming.

Becoming wiser. Kinder. Braver. More honest. More yourself.

That does not mean becoming famous or living to impress others. Those are costumes. I suggest you become the person you would respect even if nobody else noticed or clapped.

A good life, I think, has at least three parts.

First: love. Love of family, friends, truth, beauty, justice, ideas, music, a dog who thinks you are a genius because you opened a bag of snacks. Life is thin and meaningless without connection. We are built to care and be cared for.

Second: purpose. You do not need to solve world hunger by Thursday. But it helps to do something that matters beyond gazing at your own reflection. Make something. Help someone. Learn something deeply. Stand for something decent. Tiny acts count. A life can be meaningful in a whisper as well as a shout.

Third: wonder. Life is richer when we remain curious. What makes the sky beautiful? Who made up all the words? Why do we like songs? Wonder protects life from becoming a long corridor of chores.

And yes, life also includes confusion, boredom, loss, embarrassment, and taxes. From the mundane discomfort you feel when you send a text to the wrong person, to the deep pain you feel when you lose someone you love. Meaning is not the absence of feeling uncomfortable. Meaning is having reasons to keep living.

So, what is life really about?

As best I can tell: loving well, growing honestly, helping where you can, and paying attention so you’ll notice all the miracles in this strange, difficult, wonderful, and funny world.

Life is far from perfect.

Perhaps that’s another facet of its charm.

Alan

For months Daveen and I have looked forward to our two-week Viking River cruise from Amsterdam to Budapest.

We began the cruise on Saturday, August 1^st, and have now spent more than a week aboard the ship.

Well,  actually not all of it has been aboard the ship. We spent two nights in a very nice hotel room in Frankfurt, Germany, courtesy of Viking and the water gods, due to low water levels.

Because the water level is the lowest it’s been in decades, I’ve renamed the cruise the Sliver Cruise because we are traveling on just a sliver of river.

I kid you not. I just read a news article on European nuclear power plants closing because there isn’t enough river water to cool their nuclear cores. I have seen families walking across what is usually a very deep river. Now it is only a few feet deep in places.

Viking has many cruise ships travelling on the river, so they’ve hired busses to ferry us around the “dry” spots, to ships stationed up-river. It must be a management nightmare for them, but this is a vacation for me and I’m trying to leave my “business” persona where it belongs — back in Los Angeles.

Climate change?  Who knows.

But in the future Daveen and I may go back to ocean cruises. If the Pacific Ocean dries up we’re all (pardon the bad pun) sunk.

So, the next time you take a ten-minute shower, think about the water.  It may not always be there.

Talk about dry humor!

Alan

What is love?  It’s an emotion we each define for ourselves, but I especially like the definition I discovered years ago from the German philosopher Rainer Maria Rilke in his “Letters to a Young Poet,” which I’ve interpreted to mean:

“Love consists in this — it is when two solitudes know, and touch, and protect each other.”

“Two solitudes.”  That’s not the whale swallowing up Jonah. It’s about maintaining our individuality, and keeping respectful boundaries, without the need to possess one another.  We love our children. Perhaps our greatest gift to them is when we recognize them as solitudes (adults), bestow upon them our trust, and wish them well. I still remember my tears when my eldest, waving goodbye, boarded an airplane taking her across the country to college.

“know” — that means to know and trust on a deep, meaningful level. When one of my sons, an outdoorsman, asked me to help him select a sports jacket for an interview, he admitted, “Dad, I don’t know anything about business attire.”  Of course, if I were stranded in the wilderness, there is no one I would trust more than my son to help me survive.

“touch” — physically?  Of course. From the time we are infants we crave physical touch, the desire to be held close to another human. And then, there is the intimate touch between lovers that connects us physically across the abyss of our solitude. There’s also the caring touch between friends, a warm hug shared in greeting, or in saying goodbye, or to provide comfort.

“and protect” — that’s fairly easy to define, if not to do. To me, Daveen and I have protected each other, looking out for one another’s best interest, for almost half a century. That does not imply that we don’t have many differing points of view, or that the road has been as smooth as an Interstate highway.  There have been many bumps and detours, primarily mine, and, as for every one of us, our future is shrouded in mist. But each of us has been there “to protect” the other and, in the words of Robert Frost (misapplied but pertinent), “that has made all the difference.”

Love. Worth thinking about. Worth searching for. Well worth nurturing.

Alan