100 Times

When our children are growing up we see them most every day. Once they’re grown and off on their own, we don’t see them nearly as often.

Every month or so I have lunch with my son, Craig, who is in his mid-50’s. At our last meeting he said, “You know, Dad, we may only see each other 100 more times in our lives.”

I was surprised because I had never thought about it in that practical way. I’m 83, so if he and I share lunch ten times a year, 100 visits would cover the next ten years. My son’s off-hand projection may be close to what we can actually expect.

Years ago, I studied with a psychiatrist, Paul Ware. One of the most important lessons he  taught me was the value of staying current with those I love. He suggested that whenever I leave a friend or loved one I should be completely up-to-date with them. I should let them know that I love them, and if I want to share part of my life or tell them something, I should do it right away. The opportunity may not come around again.

My younger brother, David, died unexpectedly twenty years ago. Even though he and I were completely up to date with each other, I was devastated by his death. I could hardly function for the next six months and continued to actively mourn his death for at least two years. I miss him today and every day, especially his sense of humor and his enthusiasm.

What I learned from the experience of losing my brother unexpectedly – is simple. As per Paul Ware’s advice, I try to express my love, my joy, or my appreciation whenever I feel it. I don’t wait for the next time I might see someone. As I’ve written recently in another blog, lately I’ve developed the practice of smiling, raising one finger, and saying out loud, “Delight.” I do this often! I admit that I’m usually alone when I do it, but emotion is infectious, so I hereby resolve to start saying “Delight” out loud so others can share in it.

In the vastness of time, our single lives pass rather quickly. Let’s make every moment of ours count.

Today.

Right now

Alan