Gratitude, an Attitude

Santa Ana winds.  Wildfires in Southern California.  Mandatory evacuation of the entire city of Malibu.  A 7:30 am phone call from my son on Saturday morning.

“We are evacuating now, and we’ll be at your house as soon as we can get there.”

This was how I found out about the Woolsey fire last Saturday. In less than three days, it has burned more than a hundred square miles and destroyed more than one hundred and fifty homes.

Four hours after his phone call my son, his wife, their three young sons, and a barking Portuguese Waterdog arrived at my home.

“We may have gotten rid of our ant problem,” my son said.  “A number of houses in our neighborhood burned to the ground.  Our house is almost certainly one of them.”

“Oh, no.”  I began to think about the implications.  How would they all cope with the loss of their home?

Fast forward to Saturday evening. My son delivered the news.

“One of our neighbors stayed to protect his house.  He just told me that our house is still standing.”

What a day!

I thought about a psychology exercise I had learned while I was studying for a graduate degree in Counselor Education.

The instructor told us to write down ten of the people or things we loved most in our lives.  I don’t remember my list, but I’m sure it included the people who were important to me – my wife, three children, parents, and brother.  It probably did not include many, if any, physical things because I decided when I was young that I would reserve my emotional energy for the people in my life, not things.  After all, things can be repaired or replaced.  People cannot.

“Look at your list, and imagine the tenth item leaving your life,” the instructor said.

I did.  I felt a little sad.

“Now go to number nine, then number eight, and imagine those people or items leaving your life, one at a time.  We’ll take a few minutes for this.”

Ten minutes later there were many distressed students in the classroom, including me.  Even though this was only an exercise of the imagination, I felt devastated.

“Now close your eyes for a few minutes to fully experience what you have lost.”

After a painful five-minutes, the professor continued, “Now start with the tenth item on your list and imagine it coming back to you.  Then go on to each of the others until all ten are back in your life.”

When number one on my list returned to my life I was smiling broadly.  All ten had returned and I was absolutely thrilled.

Yet, what had happened?  In reality, nothing.  There was no objective change in my life.  But my subjective change was monumental.  I felt an attitude of enormous gratitude.  This was a memorable lesson for me.

Many recent studies have shown that we can create happiness in our own lives by feeling gratitude, or by helping another person.

My father, a vigorous 104 years old, tells me that at the end of each day he says, to no one in particular, “Thanks for another beautiful day.”

It’s all a matter of your attitude.

But it looks like my son and his family still face an ant problem when they return to their home.

Alan