Do Unto Yourself

Today I’m going to suggest an idea that you already know and use, but I’m going to add an important twist.

You already personalize your approach to each person with whom you interact.  You treat them the way you think they would like to be treated. That seems pretty obvious (although you might not be doing it consciously).

We tailor the way we speak, for example, to accommodate the person we are talking to.  Babies don’t often hear many six syllable words.  Recently a friend overheard my conversation with a coworker.  Later she said, “What in the world were you two talking about?  ‘TD’s.’ ‘UD’s,’ ‘NOI’s’ – what was that all about?”

She was understandably baffled.  My coworker and I had been using many real estate abbreviations, well known to us but unknown to her.   I have the same problem whenever a doctor speaks to me using a medical term “Dyspepsia.”  Really?  That sounds like an aversion to soft drinks. Either I need a translator or my doctor should adjust the way he or she communicates with me.

At a weekend wedding years ago my wife and I were instructed, “Do not use any swear words.  The bride’s family is very much against that.”

“For the whole weekend?”

“Yes.  Definitely.”

“How about ‘darn’?

“No.  Stay clear of that.”

We tried, it wasn’t easy, and we weren’t perfect.  Perhaps with more practice we might have successfully adjusted our vocabulary to suit our audience.

The same idea applies to actions.  If your significant other, or your parents, like to begin dinner promptly at 5:30 pm rather than your preferred time of 8:00 pm, either someone is going to have to compromise or everyone is likely to be unhappy. Often we modify our behavior to please others.

My “twist” is this.  Treat yourself as an “other.” By that I mean, try to be just as considerate to yourself as you are to everyone else. Why not personalize your life to suit your own needs and adjust your behavior accordingly.  This might involve changing well-ingrained habits.

For example, I have been a couch potato most of my life.  I would rather make one trip, instead of three, to clean up the kitchen after a meal.  The idea of walking never appealed to me, other than a very short walk to my car. I would internally shout, “Hurrah!” when my personal trainer doesn’t show up, because then I didn’t have to exercise.

Recently, however, I’ve been told by those who know that at my age (79) I have to “use it or lose it,” meaning I need to actively exercise six days a week to live longer and enjoy my life.  To obtain the desired result, I have had to change my thinking.

Last week my wife and I met friends for dinner at a new restaurant, and when we arrived my wife apologized to me for the two-block walk.

“I didn’t realize I could have parked right here with the valet,” she said.

“It’s okay,” I said.  “I appreciate the opportunity to walk a few blocks each way.”

This statement was downright unAlan – not something the previous me would ever have considered.  But the new Alan is taking much better care of himself. The new Alan even enjoyed dinner at a neighbor’s house last night, including walking both ways.

My suggestion? Take good care of yourself too. Be as nice to yourself as you are to others.

Or, possibly, even nicer.

Alan