People Tools Revisited

As many of you know, in 2014 and 2015 I wrote three self-help books that were published by SelectBooks:  People Tools; People Tools for Business; and People Tools for Love and Relationships.  I’m pleased to say all three books are still selling well on Amazon.

A few weeks ago one of my grandsons visited for several days.  At breakfast he said, “Grandpa, I’m reading three of your people tools chapters every morning, and one of my favorites is “The 80% Solution.”  I was surprised, especially because Daveen had recently told me that one of her favorites is also “The 80% Solution.”

The basic idea of this short chapter from the original People Tools book is that in any relationship, whether business or personal, if someone meets 80% of my ideal then “I will stick with him or her and not spend one second thinking about a replacement.”

There is no particular “magic” to my choice of 80%.  Your yardstick could be 70% or, if you never want to be satisfied with anyone, you could set it at 100%.  My point is that we all have to be satisfied with less than perfection, at least in others. The popular singer Shakira told 60 Minutes she has never been 100% satisfied with any of her performances. Despite those impossibly high expectations for herself, I’m confident that most people in her audience are quite satisfied with a lesser standard.

One of my favorite (and most practical) tools in People Tools for Business is “Wait Three Days.”  Whenever I receive a business email that bothers me, I wait three days before responding.  In the book I share an example of how I made a nice profit on a real estate transaction because, after waiting three days, I was able to respond in a polite and creative way rather than impulsively or with anger.

In People Tools for Love and Relationships the initial and most fundamental chapter is ‘The Key is You.”  I grew up believing that the secret to enjoying a successful relationship was simply to pick the right person.  I was naïve about this, and wrong.  You don’t find the right person.  You have to be the right person. You have to put in the effort to make any relationship work.

As a teenager I read many books and magazine articles about love.  The best advice I ever found was a single sentence. “If you want someone to love you, love them first.”

In all relationships we begin as strangers. The goal is to lower our barriers.  (See the chapter, “Is it Safe?”).  Every couple that celebrates a tenth, or fiftieth, anniversary has learned, to a greater or lesser degree, to get along in a relationship, reduce barriers, and be satisfied with less than 100% of their ideal.

Today I’m tempted to summarize all of my People Tools about relationships with one short statement:  Be appreciative, and be nice.

Alan