Victimhood

I know a few people who seem to think that they are seldom, if ever, responsible for anything bad that happens to them.  You probably know a few people like that as well.

These folks always believe they are a victim and see themselves as entirely blameless. If they lose a job — it’s the fault of the boss. If they miss a shot in basketball they blame a teammate’s bad pass. When they are involved in an auto accident they promptly point their finger at the other driver.

The problem with someone who believes they are a victim is that they can never make any change needed to improve their lives. And so, they doom themselves to a life of repeated loss.

When I was in law school, one of my professors said to our class, “I don’t want to knock the rich. I want to be one of them!”

That was more than fifty years ago but I have seen the wisdom in his words. Those who want to spend their time knocking others miss many opportunities they might instead create for themselves.

More than ten years ago, when I began writing this blog, I sent an email to everyone I knew, inviting them to subscribe. Most did. A few didn’t. But two formerly close friends replied with hostility.

Why?

I don’t know, but they certainly burned a bridge. Any future opportunities that might have resulted from our friendship disappeared.  I still occasionally wonder why they had become so bitter. And I can’t imagine what they thought they would gain from blaming me for their unhappiness, without even discussing it with me.

Why not try to stay on good terms with others, rather than blaming them?  Last Saturday afternoon Daveen and I enjoyed lunch with another couple we’ve known ever since I was an undergraduate at USC more than sixty years ago. Long-standing relationships like this are a treasure, but they can’t happen when one party sees themselves as the victim.

Can we each improve our lives?  Of course.  But first we need to hold ourselves accountable for our own actions. Only when we recognize our own responsibility can we learn from our missteps. Simply put, we maximize our chances of success when we take responsibility for our own lives.

Besides that, being a victim really isn’t much fun.

Alan