Your Attitude, Your Choice

I take personal pride when I’m able to find happiness in the moment, even when life doesn’t go the way I might otherwise have wanted. That is a pretty important psychological skill to have.

By way of example – let’s say I was out to lunch with two friends.  I wanted Chinese but my friends preferred an Italian restaurant.

So there I was, having lunch at an Italian cafe, and not at the Chinese place I’d hoped for. Basically, I have two options.

First, I can choose to dwell on my dissatisfaction. The reality of the moment is different than what I wanted. I can even complain (either to myself or out loud to everyone). I might expand my gripe session to my entire life and complain about all the things that aren’t the way I’d like them to be. But I think of this as “victim” mentality,” and many people I know go through their entire lives in that mode. We all know who they are. We also know how tiresome those kinds of people can be to spend time with.  They always complain.

The other option is for me to find happiness in the moment, the way things actually are. Maybe that is just a psychological slight-of-hand, but it’s effective. So, even though Italian was not my first choice, now that I’m seated at an Italian restaurant I can choose to enjoy it. I can even cite four or five reasons why Italian was the better choice.

The larger point of this blog is that none of us controls everything that happens in our lives.  That’s why, for example, we need to pay close attention every single moment that we are behind the steering wheel of a car.

Some of the best advice I’ve ever read (probably from Shakespeare, but what worth-while advice isn’t?) is this:  Expect the best, plan for the worst.  In other words, if you bring your raincoat you’ll be better prepared for rain. And if it rains, celebrate that it is raining.

One of my sons is a university professor who studies human behavior– notably judgment and decision making.  I hope I have stepped lightly into his territory.

Alan