A Barrier of Mist

Many of my friends say their best ideas flow when they’re in the shower.  My best ideas drift by just as I’m falling asleep.  But they evaporate within thirty seconds unless I write them down.

In the light of morning I often find that I either don’t understand the thought, or that it wasn’t very good after all.

“A Barrier of Mist” was one of those ideas last night, and this morning I still understand and like it.

Physical barriers are easy to discern.  We all know a concrete wall when we hit one.  Intangible barriers, such as time, space, and thought, however, are just as real.  They are not as visible, but they are often even more impactful. Collectively, I think of these as “A Barrier of Mist.”

For this blog I’ll focus on one – the barrier of thought.

This morning as Daveen and I were getting dressed she asked, “Are you angry with me?”

“No,” I said.

“Okay.”

I’m glad she asked.  Obviously, outside of my own awareness, I must have appeared annoyed. That’s why Daveen asked.  How could she possibly know what I was actually feeling?  The best way to find out is simply to ask.

Was I truthful?  How could she know for sure?  One facet of human behavior is that we aren’t always truthful.  We even honor those who effectively misrepresent themselves.  We call them Academy Award winning actors.  In the 1982 film, the actor Ben Kingsley was not really Mahatma Gandhi.

Long ago I decided that I would always choose to believe a person when they shared their thoughts or feelings.  After all, each of us is the only expert in the entire world who knows what we are really feeling and thinking in the moment. If you misrepresented yourself, I’m not responsible.  And your guess is certainly better than mine.

I was once in the car as a friend was driving his son to the emergency room. His son was crying and seemed to be in a lot of pain.

“You don’t feel bad,” he said to his son.  “Stop crying.”

Really? Telling a crying child that he isn’t in pain is, at best, confusing.  At worst it’s telling him to hide, or mistrust, his own feelings.

Our communication of thoughts and feelings is inevitably incomplete.  We simply don’t have the time to tell others everything we’re thinking or feeling. And sometimes we don’t have the ability.  Perhaps we lack the right words. Or we might have insufficient insight into our own emotions. Or we might be embarrassed.  Nonetheless, when you tell me how you are feeling I trust you.

Right now I’m feeling cheerful, having completed this week’s blog.

You can believe me on this.

Alan