A Pirate’s Tale

We’ve all heard about modern pirates roaming the Indian Ocean off the eastern shore of Somalia.  We’ve also visited the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at every Disney theme park.  Are there any other pirates in the world that we should try to avoid?

You bet!  An invisible Jolly Roger waves in every nook and cranny of our fair land.  I’ve read that employers steal billions from workers paychecks every year, with 17% of low-wage workers cheated out of their minimum wage pay. Scammers swindle older Americans out of another $3 billion a year.

I have known two pirates personally.  I’ll call one Bill (because that is what he did), and the other Paul (because he turned out to be appalling).

Bill was a rare coin dealer.  He walked the plank right out of my life several years ago. One of my sons said to me, “Dad, this guy is selling you all kinds of jewelry and other stuff, claiming that his prices are lower than wholesale.  Why don’t you check that out?”

We hired an appraiser.  My son was right.  Every item was significantly overpriced.

I also cut Paul adrift.  He was an outstanding salesman, but became greedy, taking more and more of the treasure for himself.  Ultimately his pirate ship sank in deep water, and Pirate Paul and his crew are now at the bottom of the sea.  At least metaphorically.  In real life they are fighting lawsuits.

But the pirate life of Bill and Paul is trivial when compared to the losses I’ve incurred from the swashbuckling pirates of Wall Street.

For one example, a few years ago Toys R Us filed for bankruptcy and vacated several of our shopping centers.  Were they losing money in the toy business?  Not at all.  That business was profitable.  But in taking Toys R Us private, and then public again, Wall Street saddled the company with $500,000,000 in annual loan payments, a burden Toys R Us simply couldn’t pay.

The Pirates of Wall Street grasped the gold.  The public was left with a vacant casket and a mortgage.

Take a look at any American flag.  Can you see a faint Jolly Roger waving at you right beside it?

Avast ye scurvy dogs!

Alan