People ToolsA Blog By Alan C. Fox
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Alan C. FoxAuthor. Entrepreneur. Game-changer.
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Alan Fox

Your Words Change You

by Alan Fox 1 Comment

The photo is of my pogo stick and helmet.  More on that later.

As the author of five books (Three books in the People Tools series and two books for children – Benji and the 24 Pound Banana Squash, available now, and Benji and the Giant Kite, available this fall) I take words seriously and believe that we all should. Using the right word communicates your thoughts accurately to others and, more importantly, to yourself.

One of my pet word gripes is when someone asks me, “Are you sure?”

I know that in many societies, including our own, it may be considered “polite” to give a false answer first.  This is why we might first say “yes,” or “no,” just to be polite.  Maybe the offer was made just to be polite in the first place.

I prefer to take others at their word, so I always give a real answer– often a simple “yes,” “no,” or “I have to think about it.”  But, sometimes, no matter what I say, the response is, “Are you sure?”

My reply to this question is always the same.  “Yes, I’m sure.  I may not be correct, but I am sure.”

I try not to confuse my opinion with being right.

A different phrase I often hear is, “Sorry, I’m just stupid about that.”

It’s easy to mistake a lack of information for a lack of intelligence.  The words, “I’m stupid,” or “You’re stupid,” usually mean that we don’t have information, and not that we don’t think well.  I believe it’s important to be clear on this, especially with your children.

Two close friends of mine, Barbara and Allison, were afraid to apply to graduate school.  Each, separately, said to me, “They require statistics, and I’m not good with numbers.”

Both enrolled in a statistics course before applying to a graduate program.  Barbara hired a tutor and ended up first in her statistics class.  Allison learned statistics well enough to earn both a Masters and a PhD degree in psychology.  Both Barbara and Allison turned out to be rather good at numbers.  They were merely uneducated about statistics.  We should never confuse ability or intelligence with lack of education or information.

A coworker, Karen, recently said to me, “I blame myself.”  I felt sad for her.  She wasn’t talking about a huge mistake, and blaming herself only added insult to her own injury.

“Perhaps you could say that you take responsibility rather than that you blame yourself.  Making a mistake does not mean that you’re a bad person.”

She understood, and smiled.  “I take responsibility.”

One more biggie in my basket of word gripes is, “You made me feel. . . “

Really?  Am I that all-powerful?  I “made you” feel wonderful, or hurt, or interested?

I respectfully decline to accept that responsibility.  We don’t “make” each other feel anything.  When I receive either a compliment or insult I do not have to automatically feel pleased or angry.  I can feel surprised, or curious, or compassionate.  None of us is a rag doll automatically reacting without choice.  Each of us is the master of his or her own destiny.

About my pogo stick.  It has been delivered (see the photo, and also last week’s blog).  Tomorrow I intend to open the box and start bouncing.

Life has its ups and downs.  And postponements.

Alan

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A New Year – Release Your Inner Enthusiast

by Alan Fox 1 Comment

Even though a new year actually begins every single day of your life, most of us only pay attention to the New Year that begins on January 1st.

I’ve had too many experiences with resolutions that last only a week (or less), to expect that any New Year’s Resolution will be long lasting, especially if your list is a long one.  So, in addition to firmly resolving that you will read my blog each week, let’s all make only one more resolution this year. Let’s resolve to release our inner enthusiast.

Remember the excitement you felt as a child?  If not, take a look at this video of children and adults receiving puppies and kittens as holiday gifts.

One little boy in particular, who looks a bit like me when I was seven or eight years old, radiates such joy that it could help all of us stay inspired throughout the new year.

Here are a few suggestions for other ways to release your inner enthusiast:

For your partner — “I appreciate you.  Thanks for (fill in the blank).”

For your parents – “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.  You’ve been a great positive influence in my life.”

For your children – “Ever since you were born you have brightened my life.”

For your friends – “Every day I’m thankful we are friends.”

For your coworkers – “We spend a lot of time together at work each day.  I’m glad we’re in it together.”

For your boss – “You do a great job.”  (If you can’t honestly say this, think about transferring to a job where you can say it.  Life is short.)

For everyone who helps you in your life, from a waitperson to a telephone operator — “Thanks for your help.  You made a difference in my day.”

For a stranger passing you on the sidewalk – a warm smile and a “Nice day.”

Your enthusiasm lives inside of you all the time.  Don’t leave it there.  When you openly release your inner enthusiasm it will do both you and others a world of good

I appreciate you reading my blog.

Many thanks.

Alan

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2019 – Another Ride down the Fire Pole

by Alan Fox 0 Comments

I think of myself as different from other people, often reflected in the creative choices I make.

In the early 1970’s I built my first home in Carmel, California.

The master bedroom was a large open loft on the second floor of the house, just above the living room.  The black, freestanding fireplace and stovepipe chimney provided warmth in the winter but were hardly distinctive.  The custom-built bed was unusual, but a mattress is a mattress.  The one truly unique feature that I have never seen in another house, was a real fire pole running from the peak of the redwood ceiling down to the floor of the living room — a total of about twenty-five feet.

Did anyone actually use the pole?  You bet they did.  Almost everyone who visited the house, unless they were over seventy, gave it a try.  I piled bean-bags at the bottom, to cushion every fall.  My three young children couldn’t wait to arrive in Carmel to visit “our fire pole,” as they called it.

Of course, we established rules.

First, only one person at a time could use the fire pole.  You had to climb the open stairs up to the bedroom, then either slip through or climb over the railings to latch onto the pole.  The ride down was a lot quicker than the climb up.

Second, an adult had to be present at the bottom, preferably an adult big enough to spot the user.

Third, you had to be fully dressed and ride safely by holding on for dear life with both arms and legs – letting yourself fall slowly, not quickly.  No one was on their way to put out a real fire.

This morning, on the last day of 2018, I’ve been thinking about the screams of delight we all enjoyed, especially over the year-end holidays, riding down that pole.  And I thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice if each of us could think of every year as a ride down the fire pole?”

A ride down the fire pole was over in a matter of a few seconds.  Do the three hundred and sixty-five days in a year flash by more slowly?  Just like a ride down the fire pole, you can never be sure how each year will end.  And isn’t the purpose of each trip, on the fire pole and the year, to have a good time?

I recently sold my Carmel house. Other children will now have the opportunity to slide down the pole, just like my children, and now my grandchildren, taking their places on the fire pole of life.

For the New Year I wish you a safe ride.

I did say that “almost everyone” used the fire pole. In more than forty years I did not try the fire pole even once.

I have no regrets. But starting at midnight tonight I plan to lock my arms and legs around 2019, and fully enjoy every moment of another wild ride.

Alan

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