Alan Fox

My dictionary says “A pragmatist is someone who is pragmatic, that is to say, someone who is practical and focused on reaching a goal.”

I like that definition, but what does it mean in real life?

Take my recent medical problem.  I woke up one morning with the fingers on both of my hands tingling. My fingers had also lost sensitivity.  My immediate goal was to get my hands back to normal.  After several visits to a neurologist, an MRI, and x-rays, I was diagnosed with cervical stenosis. The bones in my spinal column were pressing against the nerves in my neck.

My next goal was to find the cure.  Three doctors agreed that the only solution was a five-hour neck surgery.  Okay.  I interviewed two surgeons, and picked one who had an immediate opening on his schedule due to a cancellation.  He also seemed to be the better surgeon.  Surgery was scheduled for a few days later, at the end of March.

The most obvious risks were death, or the accidental cutting of a nerve.  I didn’t spend a moment worrying about those possibilities because there was no action I could take other than refusing to have the surgery.  But I didn’t want to endure this condition for the rest of my years, so surgery was the only option.

Fortunately, I did not experience either of those outcomes. So now my goal is to return to my normal life as soon as I can.

I believe it was Proust who wrote, “We listen to pleasure.  We obey pain.”  So as much as I would like to act as if nothing has happened, I still have significant pain in my neck, and typing is difficult.  I’m told that full recovery may take between six and twelve months.

I’m not going to worry about that either.  It is what it is.  I’m doing as much as I reasonably can, which includes postponing those activities that cause me too much pain.  As Herman Hesse wrote in Siddhartha, “I can think.  I can wait.  I can fast.”  I’m doing all three.  Well, not fasting, but I have lost six pounds.  My surgeon says that the body uses a lot of energy when recovering from bone surgery.

Enough about that.  My next goal is to return to different blog topics and focus on something other than this temporary condition.

Again, many thanks for your support and your reminders that this, too, will pass.

Love,

Alan

When my three oldest children, who are now in their fifties, were between four and seven years old, their mother and I divorced.  This meant that most weekends I took them on an excursion.

One morning, as we drove to an air show, they started using the “F” word.  After fifteen or twenty minutes one of them said, “Dad, we’ve been saying ‘F’.”

“Yes, I noticed.”

“But you haven’t said anything about it.”

“True.  Why should I?  ‘F’ is a word like any other word.”

“Mom gets really upset and won’t let us use that word when we’re with her.”

“Well, there are some words that some people object to, so when you use those words, including ‘F”, you need to consider who you’re talking with and what result you want.”

Apparently they were just testing me, because they stopped using that word after they got no reaction.

There are other emotionally charged words you have to be careful with, especially the other four letter word: “Love”.

In a deposition years ago the opposing attorney questioned me about my practice of signing business emails with the word “Love.”  Those emails had been sent to a man.

“Do you often sign business emails “Love,” he asked.

“Yes.  I do.”

He looked at me strangely.

I am fully aware that the word “Love” is loaded with emotional associations, and can be used as a genteel substitute for “sex.”  But many years ago I began to sign “Love” on emails to people I cared about. The first time was to the wife of a close business associate of more than 50 years.

I don’t recall if she went first on this or I did, but I admit that I felt then and still to this day feel a twinge of “will I be misunderstood?” when I say “love” to others in this context.   What I am intending to say is that “I really care for you and wish you well.”  This has nothing to do with romance or sex.

The word “love” is so potentially problematic that it is often avoided when it should be used.  Ted, a newly married friend of mine, told me that he said “I love you” to his new wife every single evening for six months.  She said “I love you” to him only twice.  He knew that she loved him, but for some reason was reluctant to say so out loud.

During the past three weeks I have received a large number of supportive cards and emails, and most are signed “Love.”  I am so pleased to have so many friends who are willing to use that four letter word, trusting that I will understand their meaning.

And I know that all of my children say “love” a lot more often than that other infamous word – the one that begins with “F.”

Love,

Alan

I’m at home now, after four nights in the hospital following neck surgery, ten nights in a rehab facility for, well, rehab, and more than a hundred notes and calls wishing me well.  I appreciate your support very much.

What struck me at the rehab facility was that everyone was there to help.  All too often in my business we spend a lot of time engaged in disputes — mostly about payment of rent – and from that perspective the rehab environment was a welcome change.

Meanwhile, I’ve lost a few pounds (the surgeon said that the healing of bones takes a lot of energy); I’ve had several visitors; signed my 2018 income tax returns; and enjoyed four days of watching Tiger win the Masters tournament at Augusta — his first major tournament victory in eleven years.

Patience, however, is not my strong suit, so waiting to recover enough to be back at my office or perform everyday tasks (such as driving) is not my favorite way to spend my days.  I did visit with Tim Green, editor of Rattle, to review the finalists and pick the three winners in our annual chapbook contest.  There are so many really fine poets out there, and our chapbook winners this year are outstanding. Even if you think you don’t like poetry (yet), you might consider subscribing to Rattle. We pride ourselves on making poetry accessible to everyone, and we include a winning chapbook with each issue.  You also might subscribe to our daily free poem.  Look us up at Rattle.com.

Unfortunately typing still makes my neck hurt, so I’m going to conclude with the thought that we’re all mortal, so let’s continue to help one another out as we move forward with our lives each day.  In helping others we help ourselves.

Many thanks.

Alan