Alan C. Fox

I once gave a speech in my Junior High School Social Studies class.  The entire class found my talk hilarious.  They laughed from beginning to end.  The reason was that my fly had been unzipped throughout my presentation. I learned this later from my best friend who hadn’t said anything before I stood up in front of the class.

We are often reluctant to risk offending other people because we want them to like us. But are we doing them a favor? We can all think of times where we wished someone had said something to us so we could have taken a corrective action sooner.

Have you ever had a smudge on your face that no one told you about until late in the day? What about food in your teeth when you were busy grinning at everyone you met?

I prefer that you be authentic with me, and mention when you notice something about me you think I would be better served by knowing.  You can still be polite.  “Uh, you have toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe?” is a lot better than laughing at me as I walk out of the restaurant.

We each have one life to live.  Let’s help each other out, in a kind and respectful way, by letting each other know what is really going on inside our minds and hearts.  That’s the only way I know of in which we can truly connect on a deep and loving basis.

I often share my writing with friends and other writers and I trust them to tell me what they really think. I trust them to show me where I might have missed an opportunity to go deeper or where I might have written something that falls flat. I don’t expect them to politely pay me a compliment when they think my writing isn’t as good as it might otherwise be. That is why I share it with them.

I still sometimes forget to zip my pants, and I’m glad that a few people in my office will tell me.

I encourage you to ask your friends to tell you whenever you have a something green stuck between your teeth.  And, heaven forbid, please tell me if I ever have bad breath.

We’re all in this together.

Alan

All of us are tempted to live anywhere but in the present moment.

We often dwell in the past, remembering triumphs or tribulations, pain or pleasure, from yesterday or years ago.

We are lured by the future.  We look forward to or dread what might happen tomorrow, next week, or years from now.

For several decades, however, I have practiced living in the present. It’s a state of mind, focused on being in the here and now.

Do I remember the past?  Of course, but only as a guide to the future. I don’t live in the past.  My father dated a woman for nearly ten years.  Every time I was with the two of them she talked about her former husband. She never moved out of the past and into the present. After six months of hearing the same talk I finally tuned her out.

I have a personal rule that in conversation with my family and friends I try to share only what has happened to me during the past two weeks.  I keep it current because I don’t want to repeat old stories and bore people.  I like to keep the dialog relevant to how we feel with each other right now, and what is happening right now.

Do I look forward to the future?  Absolutely.  But in thinking about or planning for the future, I remember that I am enjoying the planning, which is what I am doing in the moment. For example, at the end of this week I am traveling with my entire staff to Hawaii to celebrate the 50^th anniversary of the founding of my company.  I smile whenever I think about the trip. I enjoy anticipating the celebration in the present moment.  In this way, I can enjoy thinking about the future while still staying centered in the present. I only think about the problems – renting a car, having a place to stay, etc., as needed to make the arrangements. Once those have been made I don’t think about them again.

When I was younger, I was taught by a politician friend of mine how you can hurry along a reception line.  You shake the hand of the person in front of you and pull him along while you look at the next person in line and say, “Hello.”  This means that you are always paying attention to the next person, not the one attached to the hand you are pulling. By rushing the reception line along you are living in the future. But why rush your life along? Why not connect with the person you are with in the moment,

Living in the present improves human connection. When you talk to me I am only doing one thing: listening to you intently.  I’m not thinking about what I should say next or what I will eat for lunch.  I’m not remembering what happened last night.  I am paying attention to you.  Right now.  The flip side to this is that I expect you to pay undivided attention to me when I talk, and not take out your iPhone to check the latest text you might have received.

I enjoy the person I’m with when we’re together, and I don’t miss people who aren’t here.  If I did, I would be living in the future.  Then, when that future arrived, when I saw them, I would be thinking about my next future and I would completely miss the benefit of seeing, hearing, and feeling everything that is taking place in my life right now.

So stop to smell the roses.  And then sneeze.  It’s all a part of life.

Alan