Alan C. Fox

I am cruising down the Danube River on a brand new Viking River Cruises boat.  For me this is an ideal vacation for two reasons:

1.    It is reliable.  I will sleep in the same bed each night.  No need to check into different hotels.  I will savor my meals in the same dining room.  There is no pressure to search for a new restaurant every few hours.  I won’t have to pack and unpack, suffer through security at airports, or deal with unpredictable taxi drivers.  I will enjoy the reliability and comfort of the known.  That’s nice.

2.    It is also exciting.  I will visit a different town each day.  I can relax in my veranda chair and watch fresh scenery come into view.  I will experience both the thrill of discovery and the excitement of variety.  That’s nice too.

I like the combination of reliable and exciting.  But take my wife.  Please.  (Stolen from Henny Youngman.)  How do you achieve both reliability and excitement in the same relationship, especially over many years?

I have two tips.

First, make your relationship solid.  One way to do this is to trust your partner.

Most of us think of trust as something not entirely within our control because we have to trust another human being. No (other) human being is entirely predictable.  She might get sick at an inconvenient time.  He might run out of money when we really need it. You might lie because you want to avoid telling me the truth.  And I might lie to you.  Horrors!

We all tell lies. One study indicates that we tell as many as two or three lies every ten minutes.  I don’t really trust that one.  I do trust the study which concludes that most of us lie at least once or twice a day.

I don’t know that I can ever fully trust another human being, even after almost forty years of marriage, raising six children (and we all know you can’t fully trust the children – they are, and should be, busy looking out for themselves), and sleeping together in the same bed for ten thousand nights in a row (that’s a little more than twenty seven years).

So trust your partner as much as you can. Trust that he or she has good intentions.  If they don’t you shouldn’t be with them in the first place.

And it’s even more important to trust yourself.  Trust that you will be able to deal with difficult, unpredictable situations such as sickness and money problems if and when they arise.  And trust your partner to do the same.  That’s about as good as it gets in this life, both with your partner and with your cell phone service on the Danube river.

Second, after you trust, “let yourself go,” and ask your partner to both encourage you and to “let go” themselves.

You wouldn’t enjoy the identical dinner every night, without some variation – a different spice, or new desert.

I’m not suggesting that you try a different partner on one of those ten thousand nights, but I do suggest that you keep things fresh and interesting between the two of you.

Many women (and some men) have read at least part of the “Shades of Grey” trilogy.  It’s entertaining, but basically the same fantasy over and over.  That’s all right, but you can do even better.  You have an imagination.  And there are other books.

Create your own fantasies and encourage your partner to fulfill them. Then reciprocate. Your additional excitement will enhance your relationship and both of your lives.

With an outlook of both trust and fantasy you can cruise down the river of life in a partnership that is both reliable and exciting, and . . .  it’s late.  I’m tired.  I’m going to bed. 

Knock knock.

Alan