Alan Fox

In any relationship, whether it’s a brief encounter with a stranger, a social engagement with a friend, or dealing with your partner on a daily basis, everyone benefits from observing the Three G’s of Relationships.

Those Three G’s are:

1. The Givens.
2. The Give-ins.
3. The Give-ups.

The “Givens” are what we mutually expect from one another in a particular situation.

For example, when I am checking out of the grocery store, it is expected that I will place my groceries onto the check-out counter. The checker will scan each item, tell me the total I owe, and then I will pay for my purchases before I take them to my car.

One of the “Givens” for me in a marriage relationship is knowing when my partner and I can expect one another to be home in the evening. Other people might have different “Givens” in their relationships, but that is something that is established by the participants in accordance with their own situation and desires.

The second G, the “Give-ins,” are what we have to give in to.  When you’re walking on the sidewalk towards another pedestrian, who goes left and who goes right?  Personally, I pretend I’m driving, so I stick to the right lane.  That usually works.  If not, the stranger and I need to make eye contact to figure out how we will get by each other. If the other person isn’t moving out of my way, I might have to “give in” and move to the left.

In a close relationship one “Give-in” might be that your partner wants to sleep later than you. Then you might leave the lights off and drapes closed in your bedroom and move as quietly as you can to let them sleep undisturbed. We all have our “give-ins’ in a relationship, those compromises we regularly make to keep each other happy.

The third G, the “Give-ups,” are what we each need to let go of.  Basically, we need to give up a part of our autonomy.

In business we are normally expected to work a certain number of hours each week and also might be expected to show up at our place of work by a specific time on specific days.  For most this means we can’t sleep late on a weekday, or go fishing, or stay in bed and read a book. Not always being in control of your own time is one important kind of “give-up.”

Another might be privacy. In a close relationship a “give-up” might be agreeing to carry a cell phone, and/or letting the other person know where you are so they don’t worry. These are just some of the sacrifices we make in exchange for a happy relationship.

In addition, it always helps to be respectful. That should a “Given” in every relationship.

The Three G’s.  Easy steps that will hopefully help you get along happily with others.

Alan

I’d like to be the first this year to give you a Halloween Hello.

Boo!

When I was young, Halloween was my second favorite holiday, not far behind Christmas.  What do they have in common?  Lots of sweets, of course.

In that respect Halloween was even better than Christmas.  It was, after all, the sweetest holiday, and no one ever gave me a scratchy wool sweater.  All I had to do was to put on a costume, knock on doors, and say the magic words, “Trick or treat.”  My brother and I stayed out as late as we could to collect as much candy as possible. For the record, I was never a big fan of candy corn, though I loved Mars Bars.

I was delighted whenever a neighbor put an entire candy bar in the brown paper bag I carried.  In those days a candy bar cost a nickel.  I don’t know how much they cost today because, while I do my share of grocery shopping, I haven’t bought a candy bar in years.

While today I would be on the giving end of Halloween, I find myself off the hook for the following reasons:

1. My home is on a street where houses are quite far apart.
2. The front door is far from the street.
3. We live behind a fence and a locked gate.
4. On Halloween I leave the lights off.

For all the above reasons, I have not greeted a single trick or treater for many years and so I don’t need to buy any candy.

Instead, the trick or treaters in our neighborhood ply their trade on the next block, where the street and the houses are better lit and closer together.

The laws of economics continue to apply – if you want someone to do something make it easy for them.  (“All you have to do is say ‘yes’ and sign on the bottom line.”)  If you don’t want someone to do something, make it more difficult.  (No light and a fence are helpful.)

So if you live in a neighborhood popular with trick or treaters, remember to buy some candy today.  The Childrens’ dentists, if not their parents, will thank you.

Alan

From the day he was 80 years old, every time I saw my dad he would say something like, “I’m enjoying every extra day.”

Since he lived to be almost 105, Dad enjoyed a lot of “extra” days.

In fact, I know for sure that he lived almost 25 years longer than he should have, directly because of his frugality.

Early in 1999 Dad signed up to travel with a tour group flying from Los Angeles to Cairo via EgyptAir.  The flight was scheduled for October.

A month before the trip my dad cancelled because he didn’t want to pay the high supplement cost charged for a person travelling single.  He made other arrangements, and that turned out to be a key decision.

On October 31, 1999, EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed into the Atlantic Ocean, killing all 217 of the passengers and crew on board.  Had he not cancelled, Dad would have been on that flight, and the death toll would have been 218.

This “close call” was a continuing reminder to him that he should appreciate every single day.

Benjamin Franklin once wrote about the permanency of our Constitution, “…in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”

I heartily agree.  As for taxes, I discovered when I was young that the highest income tax rate was 91%.  Ouch!  That was certainly a force to be reckoned with.  But of more immediate interest to my 7-year-old self was the 3% sales tax that was added to the cost of every kite I bought.  When is a price not the full price?  Whenever a tax applied, which seemed to be virtually every time.

Now, I share my father’s goal of appreciating every extra day. Accordingly, I always try to find a way to enjoy whatever it is I’m doing.  A wedding?  No problem.  I like the food (if not having to dress up for the occasion).  A vacation?  Of course.  Who doesn’t like the pleasant change from sitting at a desk.  A USC football game?  Well, my enjoyment there depends upon the final score.

But, like my dad, I believe that every new day is a bonus, and I am going to continue to do my very best to revel in each and every one.

Alan