Alan Fox

Nagging usually has negative connotations: a repetitious pestering or request stereotypically attributed to women. But a behavior only becomes nagging when the person to whom a request is directed repeatedly ignores that request.  So we could use the word “reminding.” But even dressed up in fancy attire, most people view repeated reminders as nagging, and that’s okay.

When someone ignores your repeated request to complete a task, I suggest you enthusiastically become a nag.  It works.

Most vendors I deal with in my business are reliable which is why I have continued to use them.  A few, however, are not as dependable.  Maybe they are first-timers, or hired by another party, but for whatever reason – they are late.  Here is my checklist for those situations.

1. Check in early – at least three days before the work is due, to “see how it’s coming.”
2. Contact them the day before the work is due to confirm the exact time the work will be completed “tomorrow.”
3. If it is not ready by the exact time promised, keep reminding them.
4. If you haven’t yet gotten a satisfactory result, continue to contact them daily, or fire them immediately and hire a replacement. If someone is late the first time, they’ll probably be late again.  Keep in mind the People Tool of “Patterns Persist.”
5. If it isn’t someone you can fire, put them on your “remind four times a day list.” Contact them by phone, email, text, and anything else you can use – four times a day.  Seven am, ten am, two pm, and five pm.  No one has ever held out on me for longer than a day and a half of nagging, which I call “focused reminders.”

You will soon earn a (deserved) reputation as a “hard ass” or something even more colorful.  Wear that badge with pleasure.  Vendors may grumble, but if you use their services again they are likely to be on time.

I once contacted a family law attorney who was handling a divorce that involved young children.  Prompt action was essential for their well-being.  When the attorney had not responded for two days I called, emailed, and texted everyone in her office – from the receptionist to her law partner.  Eight people total.

The attorney called me within minutes of my final contact.  She was upset and asked me to never do that again.

I said, “Sure.  Happy to oblige.  As long as your work is completed by the agreed upon time.”

It’s important to never back off your insistence on timely performance.  Consistent nagging today should make it unnecessary in the future.

I’m happy to report that I’ve been writing this blog for about ten years, and I’ve never missed a deadline.

After all, I know where I live and I’d hate to have to wake up early in order to nag myself.

Alan

I don’t know about you, but I grew up thinking that an apology was a weakness.  After all, it is acknowledging a … well … a … MISTAKE.  Ouch.  Who wants to make a mistake in the first place?  And if you do, do you really want to publicly announce that you screwed up?

And what about a situation in which you truly don’t believe that you’ve done anything wrong?  Often in life, you can have a disagreement with someone that results in hurt feelings – even if from your own perspective you are totally in the right.

An example I’ve shared before comes to mind. Almost forty years ago I studied psychology with a psychiatrist, Paul Ware, in a week-long retreat.  At week’s end Paul spent an hour with me discussing any personal questions I might have.

With a few minutes to go, Paul asked, “Anything else?”

“We only have four minutes left,” I said.

“You can accomplish a lot in four minutes,” he replied.

“Okay.  I have a fifteen-year-old son who hasn’t spoken to me in nine months.  What do you suggest?”

“Apologize.”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Do you want to have a relationship with your son or not?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then go home and apologize.”

With difficulty, I followed Paul’s advice.  As a result, the fog between my son and me lifted and we have enjoyed an excellent relationship ever since.

Paul’s advice could be some of the best I’ve ever received. If you value a relationship with someone, being right and winning an argument should never take priority over sustaining your relationship. A sincere apology, given without any excuses, diffuses the situation and can reestablish the peace. Ultimately – isn’t your commitment to making things right with someone you care about more important than being right?

During the past forty years I have followed Paul’s advice in other parts of my life.  When a mistake is made in my business, I often acknowledge my own culpability, rather than immediately blaming someone else.  And to quote a song from Mary Poppins, “Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.”

Perhaps you remember the hilarious scene in the movie “A Fish Called Wanda,” in which Kevin Kline tries to apologize with, “I’m s…s…s…sor…ry.”  Good try, Kevin.

Apologizing is seldom easy.  But it is always welcome, especially when you think you haven’t done anything wrong.

Alan

It seldom rains in August in Los Angeles.  But thanks to hurricane Hilary, last Saturday we were pummeled by an out-of-season storm, and for the first time in 84 years it rained in August.  And not just a trace of rain, but a downpour of more than two inches.

When I was a boy, I loved to play in the rain.  My enjoyment wasn’t even hampered by my mother’s insistence that I wear a rubber raincoat and galoshes.

But my love of rain diminished substantially in my mid-30’s.  At that time I managed more than 50 apartment buildings in the San Fernando Valley.  Each of them had a roof that might leak, and I lacked the cash to fix them.  So in those days, when I laid in bed Saturday morning, listening to the rain, I would play a “game” with myself, estimating the amount the rain would cost.  Was this a $30,000 rain, or a $40,000 rain?  As I’m sure you can understand, when rain became costly I enjoyed it a lot less.

But isn’t it always the case that your point of view depends upon the point of your view.  My business concerns trumped my previous pleasure of enjoying a good rain in Los Angeles.  It’s also true that, over time, my values and preferences have changed.  Today, I look forward to a nine pm bedtime.  When I was in my teens and twenties, the evening was yet young.

And that leads me to my favorite line from Shakespeare’s Hamlet (one I have often quoted). “There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.”  Is rain in August good or bad?  Well, I guess that depends on whether you are frolicking in it or trying to drive through a flooded intersection.

My oldest granddaughter is getting married in late October at an outdoor wedding.  Obviously, a rainstorm that day would not be good, even though I assume there’s an indoor back up plan.

But enough philosophy.  It’s now Monday morning, and I have work to do.

And a lunch date.

At an indoor restaurant.

Alan