Alan Fox

I’m sure we’ve all had situations where we thought we could wait to do something until later. But sometimes, waiting isn’t a good idea.  Years ago, Daveen and I travelled to Boston.  After our arrival at Boston’s Logan airport, Daveen made a point to use the restroom before we picked up our rental car.  I decided to wait until we arrived at our hotel. Later I was sorry about that decision.

The drive to our hotel took longer than I had expected.  Twenty minutes into our journey I really needed to use a restroom myself.  I stopped at a gas station.  It was closed – and so was their restroom.  We got back on the road, but the car ride was becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me.

We finally arrived at the Motor Inn where we were staying.  I double parked the rental car in front, asked Daveen to take care of it, and raced into reception.  The clerk at the front desk directed me to the men’s room on my right.  Relief seemed near.

But the actual toilet in the men’s room was locked.  My younger readers might find this astonishing, but back in the day some public restrooms had locking stalls and you needed to insert a quarter to open them.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have a quarter.  I don’t know, at that point, if I even  had time to fish around in my pockets for change. I was desperate.  And desperate times call for desperate measures.  Thinking, “Oh, S**t, I dove under the bathroom door and finally unburdened myself.

I’m happy to report that, by comparison, the rest of our trip was uneventful.

Thank goodness.

Alan

Nagging usually has negative connotations: a repetitious pestering or request stereotypically attributed to women. But a behavior only becomes nagging when the person to whom a request is directed repeatedly ignores that request.  So we could use the word “reminding.” But even dressed up in fancy attire, most people view repeated reminders as nagging, and that’s okay.

When someone ignores your repeated request to complete a task, I suggest you enthusiastically become a nag.  It works.

Most vendors I deal with in my business are reliable which is why I have continued to use them.  A few, however, are not as dependable.  Maybe they are first-timers, or hired by another party, but for whatever reason – they are late.  Here is my checklist for those situations.

1. Check in early – at least three days before the work is due, to “see how it’s coming.”
2. Contact them the day before the work is due to confirm the exact time the work will be completed “tomorrow.”
3. If it is not ready by the exact time promised, keep reminding them.
4. If you haven’t yet gotten a satisfactory result, continue to contact them daily, or fire them immediately and hire a replacement. If someone is late the first time, they’ll probably be late again.  Keep in mind the People Tool of “Patterns Persist.”
5. If it isn’t someone you can fire, put them on your “remind four times a day list.” Contact them by phone, email, text, and anything else you can use – four times a day.  Seven am, ten am, two pm, and five pm.  No one has ever held out on me for longer than a day and a half of nagging, which I call “focused reminders.”

You will soon earn a (deserved) reputation as a “hard ass” or something even more colorful.  Wear that badge with pleasure.  Vendors may grumble, but if you use their services again they are likely to be on time.

I once contacted a family law attorney who was handling a divorce that involved young children.  Prompt action was essential for their well-being.  When the attorney had not responded for two days I called, emailed, and texted everyone in her office – from the receptionist to her law partner.  Eight people total.

The attorney called me within minutes of my final contact.  She was upset and asked me to never do that again.

I said, “Sure.  Happy to oblige.  As long as your work is completed by the agreed upon time.”

It’s important to never back off your insistence on timely performance.  Consistent nagging today should make it unnecessary in the future.

I’m happy to report that I’ve been writing this blog for about ten years, and I’ve never missed a deadline.

After all, I know where I live and I’d hate to have to wake up early in order to nag myself.

Alan

I don’t know about you, but I grew up thinking that an apology was a weakness.  After all, it is acknowledging a … well … a … MISTAKE.  Ouch.  Who wants to make a mistake in the first place?  And if you do, do you really want to publicly announce that you screwed up?

And what about a situation in which you truly don’t believe that you’ve done anything wrong?  Often in life, you can have a disagreement with someone that results in hurt feelings – even if from your own perspective you are totally in the right.

An example I’ve shared before comes to mind. Almost forty years ago I studied psychology with a psychiatrist, Paul Ware, in a week-long retreat.  At week’s end Paul spent an hour with me discussing any personal questions I might have.

With a few minutes to go, Paul asked, “Anything else?”

“We only have four minutes left,” I said.

“You can accomplish a lot in four minutes,” he replied.

“Okay.  I have a fifteen-year-old son who hasn’t spoken to me in nine months.  What do you suggest?”

“Apologize.”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Do you want to have a relationship with your son or not?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then go home and apologize.”

With difficulty, I followed Paul’s advice.  As a result, the fog between my son and me lifted and we have enjoyed an excellent relationship ever since.

Paul’s advice could be some of the best I’ve ever received. If you value a relationship with someone, being right and winning an argument should never take priority over sustaining your relationship. A sincere apology, given without any excuses, diffuses the situation and can reestablish the peace. Ultimately – isn’t your commitment to making things right with someone you care about more important than being right?

During the past forty years I have followed Paul’s advice in other parts of my life.  When a mistake is made in my business, I often acknowledge my own culpability, rather than immediately blaming someone else.  And to quote a song from Mary Poppins, “Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.”

Perhaps you remember the hilarious scene in the movie “A Fish Called Wanda,” in which Kevin Kline tries to apologize with, “I’m s…s…s…sor…ry.”  Good try, Kevin.

Apologizing is seldom easy.  But it is always welcome, especially when you think you haven’t done anything wrong.

Alan