Alan Fox

Your children want things from you all the time – a dinosaur toy, a book (hopefully), or a car (ouch!).   Other people want things from you – advice, a pat on the back, or a loan of money.   Heck, you want things from other people all the time – a sandwich, a date, a business or personal reference.

The two basic answers to a request are “Yes” and “No.”  Dress those two up however you like, but it’s always comes down to a ”yes,” or a “no”.  (I consider “maybe” to be a cowardly “no” — every single time I say it.)

So how can you achieve a result that is both positive and constructive?   Most of us don’t really think about it.  Accordingly, our answer is often a quick “No.” Or, perhaps a little better, “No, I don’t have time right now.”

But how can you respond to every request with a yes?

I suggest that you implant in your soul the idea that your initial response should always be “Yes.”  I’m not saying that you will immediately buy your 16-year-old their own car.  Or that you say yes to activities that might be unsafe or illegal.  I am saying that a positive response to any reasonable request will brighten both your day and theirs.

So as an alternative to “no,” please also insert into your psyche, “Yes, as soon as…”

“Yes, I will help you buy a car as soon as your report card reflects at least a “B” average and you are able to pay for half.”

“Yes, you can play with the dinosaur as soon as you straighten up the rest of your toys.”

Sometimes, of course, it’s fine to respond with an unqualified “Yes.”

“Yes, I will happily buy you the book. I look forward to hearing your thoughts after you’ve read it.”

But always respond positively, even if that requires you to think (horrors!) and become a bit creative.  Your kids will like you better.  So will your friends and business associates.  And you will be happier with your own life.

Does this People Tool really work?

Yes. Like magic.  As soon as you start using it.

Alan

About fifteen years ago, I began to notice that people were talking on their cell phones in public.  This was true everywhere I travelled: Finland, Scotland, Italy – almost every place I visited.

Today cellphone use has become endemic throughout the world.  It troubles me when I see people sitting together at a restaurant who are not talking because they are too busy engaging with something on their phones rather than with one another. I wonder sometimes what this is doing for human empathy and connection.

Even so, I confess to being guilty of this myself. I have a strong attachment to being connected to the world at all times via my cell phone.

Perhaps this explains a recurring dream that I had again last night. In my dream, I can’t find my cellphone.  You can imagine my discomfort, if not desperation.  I don’t think I need to elaborate because you almost certainly have a cell phone and from time to time you probably also worry about losing it.  A missing cellphone can be a big problem.

In my dream my first reaction is to contact Daveen and ask her to help me find my phone.  My second reaction is, “How can I contact Daveen?  I don’t have my phone.”  As you can understand, in this case the problem itself precludes the solution.

Of course, usually – when this happens in real life – my cell phone isn’t missing at all.  It’s simply in my left-hand shirt pocket instead of my right-hand pocket where I usually carry it.  (I always wear dress shirts with two pockets.)  Once or twice, after I’ve searched for five or ten minutes, Daveen gently points out that my cellphone is in my hand.  Oops.  Kind of like searching for my reading glasses when they’re on my head.

I used to worry about losing my car keys or my wallet with credit cards, or the small amount of cash I carry, but none of those have ever resulted in tragedy.  So why do I worry so much about losing my cell phone?

Maybe because obsessing about the location of my phone helps me to remember where it is, and as a result, I seldom misplace it.  Perhaps that fear is what erupts in my dreams, and I can’t control that.  Isn’t the unconscious mind grand?

Even so, after I’ve done as much as I can to solve a problem, I let it go.  So, I’m not going to spend any more time right now thinking about this.

But, come to think of it, I haven’t received any phone calls or texts for the past forty-five minutes.  So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just take a moment to check my right-hand shirt pocket.

Alan

I have loved the theater ever since I was a teenager.  In high school I often surprised my date by taking her to a play or a musical, rather than to a movie – even though a dark movie theater was a much better venue for making out.  (Babysitting with my girlfriend was another great venue – once the kids were asleep of course – but I’ll save that for another blog).

Years ago, my father introduced me to the joy of the Edinburgh International Festival and the accompanying Festival Fringe.  Annually, in the month of August, Edinburgh is transformed into the theater and live performance capital of the world.  The Fringe offers more than 300 events on stages varying from an outdoor tent holding thousands of spectators, to a small room that barely contains an audience of 15.  The performances include theater, comedy, dance, musicals, spoken word, circus, cabaret and more, and feature both big name celebrities and unknown artists.

Before the COVID pandemic, you’d often find me in Edinburgh during the second week in August.  Based on the local reviews, I’d select five or six performances to attend each day.  I was seldom disappointed.

On our first visit to the festival, we hired a driver, Jimmy, to chauffeur us around.  We had arranged for him to meet our flight at the airport, but there was an airline strike, and we had to take an express train that arrived in the evening.  And yet, there was Jimmy, cheerfully meeting us as we stepped off our train.  He was a great driver, filled with stories and helpful tips, and after a week in his company we wanted to take him home with us.

Attending the Edinburg Festival is like taking a river cruise.  You unpack once, sleep in the same room, and (with a little walking) the scenery comes to you.

Fortunately, I live in Los Angeles where theater is both outstanding and abundant.  But in L.A. I could never attend more than two, maybe three, performances in a single day.

So, if you are bored one August and seeking entertainment, I highly recommend a visit to Edinburgh.  I also recommend that you stay at the Sheraton Grand hotel and Spa.

But enough travel agenting.  You can select your own airline.

Happy viewing.

Alan