Alan Fox

Years ago, when I was studying Counselor Education, I learned that more than two major life changes within a 12-month period could contribute to a higher probability of sickness or death.  A major life change included marriage, divorce, loss of a job, and death of a spouse or family member.

Obviously, some of those changes, such as the death of a spouse or the loss of a job, might be beyond your control. But others, such as moving or getting married, might well be something you can control.

I have always taken this advice seriously, and to the extent I can control any major life changes I try to space them out over time. (Although I must admit that my third marriage lasted for fewer than 13 months, contentious throughout.  But that was five years ago, and I have now recovered).

I’ve enjoyed performing the same job (president of ACF Property Management, Inc.) for more than fifty years. In that entire span of time I’ve only worked in three different office locations.  I have also lived in the same general neighborhood in Sherman Oaks/Studio City for more than fifty years. No major life changes there!

In a few months Daveen and I plan to move to a new house – one with no stairs.  That is the only “big” change we have scheduled for this year, so our marriage must be safe until at least 2024.  (Just kidding, Daveen.)

There is a book by Thomas Wolfe, called You Can’t Go Home Again (which inspired the familiar saying). Yesterday Daveen and I drove by the house we had lived in together for more than 35 years.  There was a “Demolition” sign on the front gate, all the grass had turned brown, and there were weeds poking up between cracks in the asphalt.  I was dismayed to see my former house, like a dear old friend, in such a state of disrepair.  I won’t be going back to see it again. Some life changes just aren’t worth revisiting.

But now it’s time to turn my attention to more immediate matters – like rooting for the Los Angeles Lakers tonight in the first game of their NBA playoff series against Golden State.

Go Lakers!

Alan

What was the best day of your life?  That’s something I’ve not thought about very often.  Actually, I’ve never thought about it much at all.

Was it the day you were married?  Divorced?   Your 40^th birthday? The day your first child was born? Or maybe the day you were born (though I doubt you’d remember it). Perhaps Sunday is always your best day, and you look forward to it every week.

I’m asking for a reason. If I can identify the best day of my life, then perhaps I can figure out specifically why it was so good and replicate it every other day.  I feel a list coming on. Here are some of the attributes of my best day.

1. The people I’m with. Fortunately, I have a large family and we all have many friends.  I enjoy their company whether as a group all together or individually.  This past weekend many of us attended a high school play in which my grandson Noah performed.  It was great fun – and it was a great day.
2. The activities I do. I enjoy grocery shopping.  I don’t like washing the dishes.  Thankfully, Daveen dislikes grocery shopping and enjoys washing the dishes.  What a perfect partnership.  We have enjoyed many wonderful days together.
3. Working on a project. Years ago, an apartment manager called the office on a Thursday morning at 5:00 am and was surprised that I picked up the phone. I was at the office early that day, solving a problem.  I always feel better working on a solution than I do just lying in bed worrying about it, and I find collaborating with others to be very satisfying.
4. Having an interesting conversation. Or reading a fine book.  In short, keeping my mind active and engaged while connecting with other people makes for a good day.
5. Helping someone. The research is clear and, for most of us, our day is improved when we help someone else. Anytime I can help another person, that is a good day.

There are so many ways to have a great day, and yet, I have no idea which of all my days has been the best or, indeed, if the best is still to come.

But I’m going to be pragmatic. Every day has the potential to be the best day of my life and it’s up to me to make it happen. So my answer is this: because today is the only day I’m sure of – the best day of my life is … (drum roll please) …

TODAY!

And, hopefully, for you and for me – there will be many more best days to come.

Alan

Last Sunday Daveen and I, together with ten other family members, spent a delightful day at the Renaissance and Pleasure Faire.  This event has been held in Los Angeles for eight weekends a year (April and May) ever since my son Craig could walk, and he’s now in his mid-50’s.

The Faire opened promptly at ten am, and we were at the front of the line.  I was looking forward to my favorite Faire activity – eating.  Their corn-on-the-cob is great, and their vanilla ice cream is outstanding, especially in a root beer float.  I have many other favorites (turkey legs, peach fritters, chimney cakes…).

In the afternoon we usually make a reservation for the “Queen’s Tea.”  This year it was “Tea with Shakespeare.” We enjoyed ample servings of tea, tarts, scones, and finger sandwiches.  Suffice it to say that while tea began at 2:00 pm, I felt no need for dinner that evening.

I can’t think of any other annual event that I have attended regularly for more than half a century.  (Sounds impressive, doesn’t it?)  I think that we are all happiest with a certain amount of structure in our lives – a job, a regular place to sleep, family or friends to spend time with.  My family and I regularly celebrate birthdays, holidays and other annual events together. Of those, the Renaissance and Pleasure Faire is one of my favorites.

The very first Ren Faire took place in Southern California in 1963. While it was conceived as an educational endeavor – a way for school children and their families to experience “living history” – it has evolved into its current form. Now, perhaps, the emphasis is more on pleasure than education.

One of my sons told me yesterday that there are Ren Faires in many other states and locations – more than 60 in the United States alone. That seems like a great idea to me. At least for a single day we can shed our business attire and pretend we live in an earlier century, while retaining the benefits of automobiles to get there and electricity to run everything.  And as much as I enjoy immersing myself in an Elizabethan 16^th century village for the day, I would rather not have to live without electricity for any amount of time, as I did in 1994 when there was an earthquake in L.A. and the lights were off for almost three days.  (As were the refrigerators.)

At any rate, I’m delighted to be living in the 21^st century, with all its modern benefits, while visiting an earlier time for one relaxing day, dressed in my Elizabethan finery.

The Ren Faire runs through the end of May.

Alan