Alan Fox

For the past several years, I’ve made it a point to walk 4,000 steps every day.  That’s about two miles.  I walk so that, as I continue to age, I can continue to walk.  Somehow that feels like a snake consuming its own tail.  But enough philosophy.

This morning I was walking along Ventura Boulevard, a main street in the San Fernando Valley.  I passed five other pedestrians walking in the opposite direction.  I smiled at each and tried to make eye contact.

Most avoided me.  I did catch the eye of one woman, and we smiled at one another for a moment as we passed.  One walk, one (brief) connection.  Four nonconnections.

The U. S. Surgeon General announced last week that more than half the people in the United States suffer from loneliness, at least some of the time.  Several months ago, I read a report that single older men in Japan often live alone.  They don’t go out, and no one visits them.  That is a serious problem.  But it can be solved.

My father died several years ago at the age of 104.  When he was 80 years old, he complained to me that his grandchildren never called him.

“Dad,” I said, “telephones work both ways.  You can call them.”

To my surprise, he did.  As a result, they began to visit him more often, and he started going to watch his grandson’s ice-skating lessons.  Connections work both ways.

As in many marriages, the social scheduling had been handled by my mother, so after she died, I applaud Dad for successfully taking over that role for himself.  Despite his age, Dad remained connected to many people.

He loved to attend plays.  Once, when he was 100, and feeling under the weather, he told me that he wanted to go to the performance anyway.  “I’m not going to spend the rest of my life in the living room,” he said, as we pushed his wheelchair into the theater.

I hope others are reaching out to you, or you are reaching out to them, and I hope you are enjoying a fulfilling sense of connection in your life.

Connecting with others isn’t just for fun, it’s what makes our lives meaningful. I encourage you to focus on it.

Alan

Years ago, when I was studying Counselor Education, I learned that more than two major life changes within a 12-month period could contribute to a higher probability of sickness or death.  A major life change included marriage, divorce, loss of a job, and death of a spouse or family member.

Obviously, some of those changes, such as the death of a spouse or the loss of a job, might be beyond your control. But others, such as moving or getting married, might well be something you can control.

I have always taken this advice seriously, and to the extent I can control any major life changes I try to space them out over time. (Although I must admit that my third marriage lasted for fewer than 13 months, contentious throughout.  But that was five years ago, and I have now recovered).

I’ve enjoyed performing the same job (president of ACF Property Management, Inc.) for more than fifty years. In that entire span of time I’ve only worked in three different office locations.  I have also lived in the same general neighborhood in Sherman Oaks/Studio City for more than fifty years. No major life changes there!

In a few months Daveen and I plan to move to a new house – one with no stairs.  That is the only “big” change we have scheduled for this year, so our marriage must be safe until at least 2024.  (Just kidding, Daveen.)

There is a book by Thomas Wolfe, called You Can’t Go Home Again (which inspired the familiar saying). Yesterday Daveen and I drove by the house we had lived in together for more than 35 years.  There was a “Demolition” sign on the front gate, all the grass had turned brown, and there were weeds poking up between cracks in the asphalt.  I was dismayed to see my former house, like a dear old friend, in such a state of disrepair.  I won’t be going back to see it again. Some life changes just aren’t worth revisiting.

But now it’s time to turn my attention to more immediate matters – like rooting for the Los Angeles Lakers tonight in the first game of their NBA playoff series against Golden State.

Go Lakers!

Alan

What was the best day of your life?  That’s something I’ve not thought about very often.  Actually, I’ve never thought about it much at all.

Was it the day you were married?  Divorced?   Your 40^th birthday? The day your first child was born? Or maybe the day you were born (though I doubt you’d remember it). Perhaps Sunday is always your best day, and you look forward to it every week.

I’m asking for a reason. If I can identify the best day of my life, then perhaps I can figure out specifically why it was so good and replicate it every other day.  I feel a list coming on. Here are some of the attributes of my best day.

1. The people I’m with. Fortunately, I have a large family and we all have many friends.  I enjoy their company whether as a group all together or individually.  This past weekend many of us attended a high school play in which my grandson Noah performed.  It was great fun – and it was a great day.
2. The activities I do. I enjoy grocery shopping.  I don’t like washing the dishes.  Thankfully, Daveen dislikes grocery shopping and enjoys washing the dishes.  What a perfect partnership.  We have enjoyed many wonderful days together.
3. Working on a project. Years ago, an apartment manager called the office on a Thursday morning at 5:00 am and was surprised that I picked up the phone. I was at the office early that day, solving a problem.  I always feel better working on a solution than I do just lying in bed worrying about it, and I find collaborating with others to be very satisfying.
4. Having an interesting conversation. Or reading a fine book.  In short, keeping my mind active and engaged while connecting with other people makes for a good day.
5. Helping someone. The research is clear and, for most of us, our day is improved when we help someone else. Anytime I can help another person, that is a good day.

There are so many ways to have a great day, and yet, I have no idea which of all my days has been the best or, indeed, if the best is still to come.

But I’m going to be pragmatic. Every day has the potential to be the best day of my life and it’s up to me to make it happen. So my answer is this: because today is the only day I’m sure of – the best day of my life is … (drum roll please) …

TODAY!

And, hopefully, for you and for me – there will be many more best days to come.

Alan