Alan Fox

We all know the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”  My friends in medical research tell me they don’t know of any studies to support this aphorism, but I guess it helps to sell apples. Prunes, on the other hand, have been touted as beneficial in numerous medical studies, but even so – they can’t shake their reputation.  Maybe if prunes had a similar saying they would be more popular.

During the past three days I’ve eaten three apple fritters.  My question is, “Does that count to keep me safe from doctors?”

Normally, I enjoy this sweet treat no more than once a month.  If a chocolate chip cookie has as many as 500 calories, I’m not even going to ask Siri how many calories are in an apple fritter.  I don’t want to know.

So why three fritters in three days?  As best I can tell I was motivated by three primary factors:

1. Convenience: I happened to be driving in the neighborhood of the Donut store all three days. This morning I was picking up BBQ ribs for a small Super Bowl party.  And what do you call a Super Bowl without apple fritters?  (Answer at the end.)
2. Kindness: An older couple has been behind the counter of the donut store for years, and they seem to work seven days a week. I assume this is their only source of income and I wanted to help them out.
3. Self-interest: I love apple fritters (much more than chocolate chip cookies).

My Super Bowl guests today are bringing chili, dips, and desert along with their hearty appetites. I assume they will be rooting for the Rams – especially if they want to enjoy the ribs and fritters.

While I wish I could linger with you, our guests are due to arrive in a few minutes and I need to put out the remaining two apple fritters.  Notably – despite the medical research – we will not be serving prunes.

Alan

Answer:  The Super Bowl.

We’ve all heard the adage that “a straight line is the shortest distance between two points.”  If we’re headed to a local store we plan the most efficient route.  If the store is two miles away, we’re not likely to travel there by way of Las Vegas (unless we’re already in Las Vegas).

In choosing how to use our time and energy we aim to be efficient.  We pick the lowest hanging oranges first. We choose the shortest line at the grocery store, or the gas station.  If we move to Los Angeles from San Francisco we find local doctors and other convenient service providers.

There is good reason for this.  By being linear (efficient), we conserve time and energy.  We seek the “maximum bang for our time and energy buck.”

Just as our supply of money is finite and must be allocated, our supply of time and energy are also limited.  I think about this whenever I want to see a major sporting event.

This year, my son and I bought season tickets for the Los Angeles Rams home games. Of the nine or ten home games, we attended only two. We watched the rest on television.  You’ve probably noticed that, when you watch football at home, at the end of the game you’re already home. I once had to wait almost two hours just to get out of a parking lot at the Los Angeles Coliseum.  At home the hot dogs don’t cost ten dollars each.  And the bathrooms are always clean.  You don’t have to wait in a line for anything. You also get instant replays and expert commentary.

As for the unused tickets? They were given to others who might enjoy the experience more than me (and if any were unused – the sunk-cost theory covers any remorse).

My blog is always between 200 and 600 words.  I figure if it’s short you’re willing to spend a few minutes with it.  But I’m not going to try to hold your attention for half an hour. A TV reporter told me that a typical TV news story used to average about three minutes, but that reporters are now encouraged to keep their stories to under one minute.

However, I think we also go for quality.  How short was your longest kiss?

Well, efficiency isn’t everything. Sometimes we just want to take the scenic route.

Alan

We all want to “fit in.”  Even at our own peril.

When I was sixteen I traveled to Chicago to participate in a speech program for high school students.  On a Sunday afternoon I arrived at the university campus that was hosting the summer program. On the lawn in back of the dorm I found a tackle football game in progress.

At the time I weighed over 200 pounds. The other boys took one look at me and assumed I played football.  “Yes, I’m a lineman at my high school,” I lied, trying to fit in when, in truth, the nearest I ever came to a high school football game was cheering from the stands.

I was invited to join the game.  Of course I agreed.

On the first play the opposing tackle surged right over me, knocking me onto my butt.  Second play, same result.  On the third play he not only knocked me over, but also hit my leg.  As I fell, I tore something.  I hobbled around campus for the entire five weeks of the program.

It turned out that the lineman who knocked me over actually did play high school football, and, I later discovered, he had been named third string all-state from Tennessee.

The lesson was obvious, and I have applied it ever since. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not.

For example, people often use “Courtship Behavior” when dating. This is something I believe is self-defeating.  Presenting a false front is useless, at best. Before I even asked her on a date, a woman I once knew told me she preferred men who were six foot three and who had blonde hair and blue eyes.  I thought I could probably transform myself into blonde hair and blue eyes, but six foot three was beyond me. Needless to say, there never was a date.

“Fitting in” may seem important.  But aren’t we really seeking a sense of connection and community?  If we are, I believe it’s more productive to find individuals and groups with whom we share similar values or activities – those people with whom we can actually form meaningful and authentic connections, rather than bending ourselves into pretzels by claiming that we experienced at playing football when we aren’t.

Of course, this is far easier for me to accomplish at 81 than it was at 16.  For one thing no one now would believe I play football.

Cheers.

Alan