Alan Fox

On January 10, 2017 I posted a blog entitled, Would It Help?  You can read it (and all of my previous blogs) at alancfox.com. That blog began:

We all have a lot to worry about.  The future is uncertain.  None of us know if we’ll survive until dinner, let alone dance at our five-year-old daughter’s wedding.

The question, Would It Help? seems even more timely today as we find ourselves in the midst of a pandemic that has become a global crisis with nowhere to hide.  This time the problem can’t be solved by moving to New Zealand or to your parent’s’ or children’s home.

In my previous blog I described a scene in the movie Bridge of Spies in which the spy Rudolph Abel is on trial for his life.  But when his attorney, played by Tom Hanks, is leaving after a conference at the prison, Hanks turns and directly asks Abel, “Do you understand that if you are convicted you could be executed?”

“I understand.”

“You don’t seem concerned.”

Abel thinks about it briefly, and shrugs.  “Would it help?”

Many of us have been trained since childhood to share our worries.  We learned that Mom would favor us with support and sympathy if we said something like, “Mom, I’m worried about . . . “

We would get even more sympathy if we said, “Mom, I’m really worried about . . .”

There are many rewards from heavy worry.  The best solution to the problem is not one of them.

We know that crisis and constant worry can seriously affect our health, changing our eating habits, disrupting our sleep patterns, or causing us to lash out at others. Heavy worry can also cloud our judgment. When I was practicing law a client insisted that we accept the first, unreasonable, settlement offer.

“I cannot let myself worry about this for one more day,” my client explained. My client just plain gave up.

Giving up is a poor option.  Gaining or losing weight is a poor option.  Losing sleep is a poor option.

Whenever I start to worry, I have a rule. If I can do something about it right now, I do.  If I can’t do anything about it right now, I stop worrying.  I’m now working from home, and in the evening watching TV programs I would otherwise have missed. I am planning, not worrying.

I’ll share with you with one hint. There is an effective way to receive support and sympathy without having to immerse yourself in worry.  Just ask for it directly.  You might say, “I’m concerned about . . . but I don’t want to tell you, (or even admit to myself), how worried I am.  So would you please give me some support and sympathy just because I’m asking for it?”  We all need mutual support during times like these.  (Two cent royalty for each use of this hint, up to one dollar total.  After you’ve done this fifty times it will be a habit, which I don’t charge for.)

Does “not worrying” work? Yes, I believe that refusing to dwell on your troubles can be healthier and more constructive than the alternative.

After writing my blog back in 2017, I headed for dinner and a TV football game.  This time I’m going to watch yet another documentary on Netflix and finish reading the 2012 book Spillover by David Quammen.  It’s very interesting book on the topic of, well, Coronavirus.  It sort of predicts where we are today.

Keep safe.

Alan

Let’s begin a Pandemic of Positivity to blanket the earth ahead of COVID-19.  I suggest that each of us reach out and share positive thoughts with everyone we know.  The contact will be welcomed, you will feel good by helping, and the positivity will carry all of us through the weeks to come.

I’ll go first.

I’m alive, which is great.

When I walk in my neighborhood everyone I pass smiles and waves (from a distance, of course).

I’ve been given an opportunity to connect more closely with my children and family.  I’m spending a lot of quality time with my wife, and she hasn’t kicked me out yet.

I’m enjoying frozen berries which I had forgotten about, and programs on TV which I otherwise would have missed.

It’s quiet.

I’m proud of so many in our country who are helping out, and I’m especially proud of everyone who works at my company.  They are working remotely, and doing a wonderful job.

We are all in this together. Neighbors are helping neighbors, and people everywhere are engaging in acts of generosity and kindness.

I urge you to pass your Positivity along to everyone.   We are in charge of our own thoughts and lives, and we are also able to care for and support those around us with an encouraging phone call, text, or email. It has never been more important to reach out to one another.

Let’s appreciate each new day. We will make it through these challenging times, with many stories to tell.

Love to all,

Alan

When I was nine years old my mother grew tired of driving me to school each day and decided to let me walk.  It took me about twenty minutes.  At first I stuck to the sidewalks next to the road my mom had driven, but after a few weeks I discovered the thrill of cutting across vacant lots and walking over the hill instead of around it.

Those vacant lots had well-worn trails created by many who preceded me.  At the time, I didn’t think about them at all.  I simply followed their path.  Today I realize that in our lives we each follow various metaphorical roads that have been surveyed, constructed, and used by others before us.

For example, think about language.  None of us invented English, Spanish, or Chinese.  I am still amazed when I hear a three-year-old child, or anyone else for that matter, speaking French.  But imagine a world without language.  How would I ask my wife to scratch my back?  By grunting and pointing, I suppose.  How would we name our children?

How would I communicate my thoughts to you?  The answer is that I wouldn’t.  There would be no email.  Could I even ponder such things as “psychology,” “coronavirus”, or “Greek Salad” without having the tool of language developed by others before me?

When one of my sons was attending Dartmouth Medical School he mentioned that Nathan Smith, who founded the school in 1797, for many years was the sole administrator and instructor.  Imagine that – one person knowing and teaching all a medical doctor needed to know.  Years ago, when I had a specific medical condition and called the appropriate specialist, his office asked me just one question, “Right knee or left knee?”  The human body hasn’t changed much during the past two hundred years, but the body of knowledge and the practice of medicine certainly have.

When Europeans settled in America a large majority were engaged in farming.  Today most of us travel a different road of employment.  Many of us sit in front of screens and tap on keyboards much of the day.  I find that strange.

Aside from just being philosophical, there is a significant practical value to thinking about the roads we travel.  How else can we evaluate the many paths we follow in life – at work, at play, and in connecting?  How can we make the best choices or even evaluate our present path if we don’t give ourselves the freedom to contemplate?

Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  I wouldn’t go quite that far, but we all travel along so many roads and I believe that we benefit by occasionally standing up, looking around, and considering our journey.

Alan