Be Your Own Best Friend

Most of the conversations I have each day are with myself.  These often start the moment I wake up with, “I wonder how much I weigh this morning,” or “What am I going to eat for breakfast?”

If I expect to have a difficult conversation with someone, I often practice silently to help me crystallize what I want to achieve, and to help me organize the right words.  Sometimes, as a result, I decide that it’s best to not have the conversation at all.

I no longer bother myself with any internal conversation involving generalized self-blame (“You’re stupid,” or “You’ll never be able to lose weight.”), and I rarely discourage myself, other than momentarily. (“This pandemic will ruin everything.”)

During the past month I’ve had more telephone conversations than usual, mostly to receive or give advice, or to cheer up friends. In one recent conversation, my friend Roberta offered me an idea which she often uses herself, especially with her children.

She said, “Whenever a family member is talking s**t to himself or herself, I ask, ‘Would your best friend talk to you that way?’”

Think about it. A friend is supposed to build you up, not tear you down.  A friend, especially a best friend, should encourage you even while being realistic. I’m sure you would do the same for them.  Friends are supposed to be a source of support, not merciless criticism.  They should be available for advice, or just to listen when that’s what you need.

As Roberta suggests, treat yourself as your own best friend.

Today most of us are “sheltering in place” either by ourselves, with family or with close friends.  In any case, we have the opportunity to talk to ourselves even more than usual.  So let’s keep it positive.  As my father often said to me, “Alan, you should be your own best friend.”

If not now, when?  Let’s talk the walk.

Keep safe.

Alan