Belt Buckle: Actions Always Speak Louder Than Words

“It’s simple,” the all-star defensive lineman explained.

“The great ball carriers like Jim Brown or Gale Sayers fake with their eyes, they fake with their heads, fake with their shoulders. But they can’t fake with their belt buckle. Wherever that’s going, that’s where they’re going.

“I just watch their belt buckle.”

When I was young I asked many girls at my high school to go out with me. Since I was not every woman’s dream date—all right, I was president of the chess club—my invitations were refused, often indirectly.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, but I’m busy next Friday night.”

“How about Saturday night?”

“Let’s see. No, I guess I’m busy then, too.”

“A week from Saturday?”

“I really can’t commit that far in advance.”

I cringe now when I think of how many years it took me to realize that while her words were polite, each woman’s belt buckle just wasn’t going to head into my VW Bug.

With this realization I started down the path to understanding that words, including words of promise, are not the same as performance.

It’s human nature to avoid a situation you think might be unpleasant, especially, for me, direct confrontation. That’s why words and actions often diverge.

“The check is in the mail” is not the same as the check itself.

“I’ll call you tomorrow” is not the same as calling tomorrow.

I’m sure you have had similar experiences, and may have reached a similar conclusion. On a deeper level, which we may not even be consciously aware of, when words and actions diverge there is an injury on both sides of the belt buckle. How many times can my actions fail to line up with my words before the sum of my small deceits takes its toll? How often can I dodge the truth of my own intentions by saying to myself, “Oh, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings,” before I lose the connection with my own heart?  Before I become a living contradiction?

Why do we act this way? Why aren’t we forthright, with our words and actions (our belt buckle) moving in sync?

It’s clear to me that we avoid saying our own truths out loud because we attempt to avoid rejection and allow our personal insecurities to overrule the silent truths that always live in our hearts.

I want to rely on both your words and your actions.  I focus on your belt buckle because I want to be safe. I want to banish the unknown and accurately predict my future with you.

My dad says that if you’re willing to promise something you should be willing to write it down and sign your name to it.

I am grateful for my relationship with my father.  Dad’s belt buckle often rode in my VW Bug with me. In fact, he was there simply because I thought about him and felt his presence. Relationships are like that. They are always with you. Harmony of thought and action, repeated over the years, nurture strong relationships. We have the opportunity to know ourselves more and more as we make our way in this world, and injuries can heal if we are not reinjured by constant reappearance of small or large deceptions.

I sometimes wonder if, for a week, I should write down all of my promises. How high would that stack of stated intentions be, and how often would my actions match that stack? Consciously or not, we each wrestle with this problem. We can duck and weave, fake with our eyes, our shoulders, and especially our words as that opposing lineman of truth looms over us, but the belt buckle always reveals the authentic tale of who you and I really are.

I can be tricked by words, but I’m seldom fooled by actions. Be careful, Jim Brown. I’m watching your belt buckle.

Alan