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Alan C. FoxAuthor. Entrepreneur. Game-changer.
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Things Are Only Things

by Alan C. Fox 3 Comments

 

When I was eighteen I took the thousand-dollar inheritance from my grandmother, added some of my own savings, and bought my first car—a brand new metallic blue VW Bug.

Since my father always parked his car in the garage, I had to park mine on the street. A few weeks after my big purchase, I walked out of the house toward my beautiful new car and my jaw dropped. My precious VW had been sideswiped, leaving two ugly black scratches on its left rear fender. I was furious. My brand new car was ruined.

After a month of fuming I realized that I was allowing my life to be ruined by those two horrible scratches, and that my anger wasn’t doing me a bit of good. It couldn’t help me to find or punish the culprit. It couldn’t transform my car back to its original pristine condition.

A car, no matter how expensive or how beautiful, is only a thing. So I decided to let go of my anger, and for the rest of my life to never be upset about things. I resolved to reserve my emotional energy exclusively for people. Things can be fixed. Things can be replaced. People cannot.

And I am pleased to report that from that day to this I have lived by my decision. I have not darkened my mood or my life with anger or regret about a thing.

I recently scratched a van I now own. I refuse to be angry. I will just pay to have it fixed. When she was seventeen one of my daughters was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. As I write this, her condition can be treated but it cannot be fixed. I am concerned about her, not the van.

We must rapidly begin the shift from a “thing-oriented” society to a “person-oriented” society
—Martin Luther King, Jr.

I once traveled with my family to Australia where more than 95 percent of the world’s gem-quality opals are mined. One afternoon in Sydney, after a boat tour of its beautiful harbor, we stepped into a shop which our guide said was the best in Australia for buying opals.

 

My wife collects rings, and the ring she picked out was drop-dead gorgeous. It was also drop-dead expensive, and probably cost as much as half of the other rings in her collection combined. But after some brief negotiation and hesitation I bought it for her.

Daveen wore her green and blue opal consistently for two weeks after we returned.

Until we went to the theater. . .

When the curtain fell and the lights rose after the first act of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels the musical playing at Hollywood’s Pantages Theater, Daveen gasped.

“My ring!”

I looked at her hand, and saw the thin gold outline of a ring, but no gemstone.

“Your orange stone?” I asked.

“No! My opal!”

Daveen doesn’t panic easily, but her response reminded me of how I felt when I first saw those ugly scratches on my VW Bug.

We searched the floor. We searched the seats. Five ushers helped us during intermission. No opal.

After the show was over we searched the theater again, this time with eight or ten ushers helping out. Still no opal.

I certainly don’t like to lose anything. Even more, I don’t like someone else to lose a gift that I’ve given them, especially when the gift was expensive. But gone is gone and I refuse to be upset about the loss or destruction of a thing. So we gave our name and telephone number to the manager of the theater and left for home.

The drive home was silent. While we both thought that we had seen the last of the opal, I am pleased to report that the mini-disaster did not spoil the rest of our evening. Daveen, to her credit, seemed to put her anguish aside.

The next morning life went on and the new day was not to be marred by a missing thing.  We were both able to weather this potential storm by using what has come to be one of my favorite People Tools: Things Are Only Things.

Love can come to everyone, The best things in life are free.
—Buddy DeSylva

Do you like happy endings? I do.

Immediately after I arrived at work the next day, I called Daveen:

“Hi, Daveen.”

“Hi.”

“I found the opal.”

“What!?

“It was on my desk. It probably fell out when you picked me up at the office last night.  The cleaning crew must have found it and put it on my desk.”

Silence. Then, “Thank goodness.”

I love Daveen. I like, but do not love, any ring, or any car, no matter how expensive or how beautiful.

Alan

 

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Kill Your Darlings

by Alan C. Fox 0 Comments

 

Last week, I finally finished the manuscript for my new book, People Tools for Business: 50 Strategies for Building Success, Creating Wealth, and Finding Happiness. In the midst of the final throes of the writing process, I was happy to stumble upon a delightful NY Times article by Amy Klein about her experience having her writing critiqued by others at a writer’s workshop. Using humor and insight, she lists a variety of tips that one should have in mind when engaging in the often-excruciating process of critique.

I found her experience to be quite familiar and got a much-needed comic break from my own writing process. I wanted to share several of my favorite tips here, which you may or may not be familiar with.

When in Doubt, Take it Out

This is the age of texting.  I limit my weekly blog to about 600 words.  Would you be as eager to read it at 2,000 words?  I wouldn’t.  Take out every word that is not necessary.  I recently edited the following sentence:

Original — I am writing this letter to you today to ask for a one line endorsement of my new book “People Tools for Business,” which is scheduled to be published on September 30, 2014.

Revision — I am writing to respectfully request a one line endorsement of my new book “People Tools for Business.”

Deletions — “this letter” (that fact is obvious); “today” (obvious – did you write it tomorrow?  Last week?  Who cares.); “which is scheduled to be published on September 30, 2014.” (At this point not relevant.  If the answer is “yes,” then timing will be discussed.)

Use Words Which are Strong, Specific, and Interesting

“Ran” is stronger than “went.”  “Smug” or “vain” are more specific than “proud.” “Thundering” is more interesting than “loud.” 

Use the Microsoft Word Thesaurus.  I find it to be both quick and helpful.

Write the way you Talk

If you wouldn’t use a word when you speak, then don’t use it when you write.  Would you ever say in conversation, “The articulateness of the speaker was surpassed only by his exaggerated sense of his own self-importance”?  I prefer, “He was more smug than articulate.”

Never Over-edit

Revise your writing to your heart’s content, but be aware that, especially when you are tired, your edits might weaken your text rather than improve it. 

‘Kill  Your  Darlings’ (from the article)

William Faulkner is  one  of  the  writers  attributed  with  having  said  “In writing,  you  must  kill  all  your  darlings,”  which  means  you  should  take  the one  phrase  you  love  most  and  get  rid  of  it.  That’s because if you’re  so enamored  with  some  bit,  it  probably  doesn’t  work  in  the  grand  scheme  of the  piece.

However, when your peers  tell  you  this,  they  might  be  excising  every original  construction  you  ever  wrote  (see  #1,  “Find  Your  Voice”).  Perhaps they don’t understand brilliance.  Perhaps they understand brilliance but don’t want you to succeed. 

You can read the full article here.

Always remember that each of us, including you, often has a hidden agenda that lives in the unconscious mind, and we would deny that agenda if asked.

CAVEAT:  I am not writing this blog to let you know how wonderful I am as a writer or to plug People Tools for Business.  

-Alan

 

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5 Ways to Make the Annual Review Process Less Painful

by Alan C. Fox 0 Comments

 

Last week, I wrote an article for Fast Company magazine’s on Bottom Line blog, which is based on my next book, People Tools for Business (out this September). It’s about my approach to the annual review that many employers and employees face each year, and how I’ve learned how to make this usually dreaded process a positive experience. I’ve re-published it here on my blog. Enjoy!

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5 Ways to Make the Annual Review Process Less Painful

I’ve supervised hundreds of employees, and I can say without a doubt that one of the most difficult parts of being a manager is the dreaded annual review process.

To take the fear out of this necessary process, I’ve developed a unique approach over the years that has helped me transform this annual event from one that I loathe to one that I look forward to.

Here are five actions that can help you take the “dreaded” out of annual review:

1. MAKE IT A TWO-WAY REVIEW

Why should we think of the review as being only about the employee? Your employees are your coworkers. Every one is a crewmember on the same ship, headed toward the same destination, and seeking the best possible performance for the company.

The most important shift I’ve made with my annual review has been making it a review of my own performance as well as my employees. I always ask them how I, or the other managers, can assist them to perform better.

If my employees aren’t performing as well as they can, perhaps they lack the proper tools or training. Maybe they don’t feel appreciated and, as a result, are not as involved as they might be.

Tools, training, and the expression of appreciation are the responsibility of the employer, not the employee, and the annual review is a great way to find out how you can do a better job of supporting your team.

2. DON’T WAIT UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR

Keep your employees up to date on how they are doing during the year, rather than saving up your feedback for the annual review.

Offer approval to encourage them and suggest course corrections to help them focus on what needs to be changed. If you have properly helped your coworkers throughout the year there will be no unpleasant surprises for either of you during the annual review.

3. DON’T PROCRASTINATE

When it’s time for the annual review, make sure to conduct it within a week or two of your employees’ anniversary date. It’s not fair to your team to delay information which is important to them and to keep them walking on eggshells, waiting for the knife to drop. And you don’t want to skulk about the office hiding from someone.

4. ENCOURAGE SELF-REVIEW

Ask each person being reviewed to evaluate him or herself, encouraging them to write down their accomplishments of the past year and goals for the coming year. Not only does this help your employees learn the valuable skill of self-assessment, it also shows how much you respect and appreciate their opinions.

Before or during the review you can also ask the reviewees what salary they think they deserve, and use their recommendations as a guide.

5. ADD A BONUS

If a member of your team has made an outstanding contribution to the company that saves time and money, increases profits and productivity, or improves the working conditions in the office, consider awarding them a one-time bonus. This way, the annual review can be just as much about rewarding performance as it is about offering constructive suggestions on how to improve.

Why shouldn’t you want to encourage the best performance possible, and pay fairly for that performance? If all of your employees felt unfairly compensated and failed to show up Monday morning, your business would instantly disappear. Each of them is there because they are good at what they do, and they could always find a position somewhere else.

Alan

 

 

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