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Seven Tips on How to Make a Great First Impression

 

smile-FirstImpression-PeopleToolsThe first impression you make endures forever. And if you make a poor first impression you may never have a chance to make another one.

Whether you are dating, applying for a job, or seeing a new potential customer, you can always improve in this area and make not just a good but a great first impression.

Here’s how.

  1. Pay attention.  There is very little I like more than a person who concentrates exclusively on me. Similarly, there is very little I like less than meeting someone who looks over my shoulder at someone or something else. I once saw a singer at a small club peek at her watch during a performance to see how soon she could get off the stage.  Clearly, the audience was not her first priority.  I left when she took her break.
  2. Be Pleasant.  If you appear to be in a bad mood I will assume you are either upset with me or have a sour disposition.  In either case, why should I see or talk to you again?  Remember, the cost of being nice is small.  The cost of being nasty can be huge.
  3. Be Positive.  It’s easy to find fault.  The world is not perfect.  But we all know that.  I want to meet problem solvers, not problem creators.  Problems are easy to find.  Solutions are more difficult to come by. If you want to make a great first impression on me, bring me a solution, not a problem.
  4. Be Agreeable.  The words, “you’re right,” or “I agree with you,” go a long way toward establishing a new and outstanding relationship.  I’m not going to spend much time with someone who always argues with me, even if they’re right.
  5. Be specific.  I like to hear stories with specifics.  We all do.  If I told you that I read a story about a woman who had a problem with an animal, would you ever suspect I was talking about Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother?
  6. Admit your flaws.  I have never been 100% perfect for even a single day in my life, and people who pretend that they are make me nervous.  At best they are oblivious to their faults.  At worst, they are unable or unwilling to make course corrections.  And if they have to be perfect they will undoubtedly find fault with me in order to prove that they are better than I am. It’s hard to be around someone with an inflated ego. Our flaws are what make us human, and loveable.  The statement, “I often have trouble picking out new clothes,” is a lot more appealing than, “People say I’m the best dressed person they ever met.”
  7. Say thank you for something specific. As you leave your first encounter, you might say, “Thank you for spending this time with me,” or “Thank you for your ideas about my project.”  This will reinforce the great first impression which you have already made, and a display of appreciation is an excellent way to leave a positive lasting impression.

10-10-10-FirstImpression-PeopleToolsSince there is no substitute for getting an impact right the first time, (you can’t go back and do it again), I suggest that you practice your “Great First Impression” technique with a friend.  And your friend can practice making a “Great First Impression” on you.  Each of you will not only learn a lot, but you will also have fun in the process.

It’s never too soon for you to begin creating great first impressions.

Alan

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G(oals) P(riorities) S(teps) for the New Year

 

2015_NewYear-PeopleToolsThe beginning of the year is the time when we each make New Year’s Resolutions.  I propose a shortcut that will help you make your resolutions come true.  I call it GPS.

Most of us already know that GPS stands for Global Positioning System.  All you have to do is to enter a destination into your GPS device or smartphone and presto! The route will be mapped for you.  So how can you find the most efficient route to achieving your New Year’s Resolutions (or any resolution)? It’s simple. Let’s use those same three letters for:

Goals. What are your goals for the year?

Priorities.  Which is your most important goal?  Your second most important?

Steps.  What steps do you need to take in order to meet each goal?

How does GPS work? To illustrate, let’s take one of my perennial goals – to lose weight, and, for this year, it’s seventeen pounds.  I should mention that during the past two years I have lost a total of more than sixty pounds, so GPS has worked.

To achieve that Goal, I have to make it my top Priority at all times – morning, noon, night, when I’m happy, when I’m tired, even when I’m really, really hungry. This year losing seventeen pounds will be my first and only Priority.

Next, I outline the Steps I need to take to achieve my goal:

  1. No buffets.  If I am at a buffet I will ask someone else to prepare one plate of food for me.  No seconds, ever.
  2. At each meal I will eat between two and six ounces of protein and never more than one slice of bread.
  3. At a restaurant I will either share my entree with someone else, or before I eat a single bite I will put half of my order in a box to take home.
  4. I will not eat more than two desserts a week.
  5. I will report back to you on my progress during the first week of April.

resolutions_happy-peopletoolsThese are the steps that I think will work for me.  Different steps might work better for you.

GPS. This morning I weighed 215 pounds. By April first I intend to be well on my way to losing 17 pounds.

I hope this year you achieve your own New Year’s Resolutions.  By using GPS, I am confident that you will.

Have a great year.

Alan

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How to Be the Right Person

 

Right-Person-PeopleToolsMy childhood fairy tale was to grow up, fall in love, then get married and live happily ever after.  My parents were married for more than fifty years.  When I was young I seldom heard a harsh word between them.  Mom and Dad seemed to prove that the fairy tale was real.

Alas, for me, after ten years of marriage to my high school sweetheart Jo Anne, the “happily ever after” part was shredded by conflict.

Then I met Jill.  We lived “happily ever after” for three years.

Next I met and married Susan.  It took four years for “happily ever after” to fade into a vague memory.

After breaking up with Jo Anne and Jill I knew the problem was simple.  I had chosen the wrong person.  But when Susan and I tumbled off the precipice of divorce I began to realize that the problem was not Susan.  Or Jo Anne.  Or Jill.  The problem was me.  At that point I decided it was more important for me to be the right person than to find the right person.

This is when another of my favorite fairy tales fell apart.  I had expected to find my “one and only.”  Yet I had met not one, but three “one and only’s.”

Right-Person-PeopleTool-2Today I realize that I could be perfectly happy, or unhappy, with any one of ten thousand one and only’s.  I know this isn’t romantic, but based upon my personal experience it is true.  By putting more energy into being the right person than into finding the right person I have been married to Daveen for 35 years.

How do I seek to “be” the right person in a relationship?

  1. I have to be authentic.  I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not for the sake of winning favor. I don’t act as if I want to travel if, in reality, what I really want to do at the end of each day is fall asleep in my own bed.
  2. I recognize I am not the right person for everyone. Daveen likes me as I am.  Mostly.
  3. I need a partner who is authentic with me.  Daveen was recently at the wedding of Bob and Ellen.  Immediately after the ceremony Bob’s new “one and only (but not for very long)” said to him, “Now I never have to set foot on your damned sailboat again.”  Neither Daveen nor I want to own a sailboat.  In fact, she says that “camping out” is when the hotel does not have twenty-four hour room service.
  4. We each need to be clear about our needs and expectations.  Thirty-five years ago Daveen and I discussed our living together basics.  We verified that we shared similar values, interests, and a vision for our long-term happiness.  At night, for example, we like to go to bed at the same time.
  5. I practice the art of compromise with a smile.  I know that Daveen does not find me to be perfect.  This is not a secret.  She has told me so personally.  More than once.  I am not able to provide everything Daveen wants, and neither of us is going to gain every single thing we want from our marriage, or from our lives.  We have to compromise and be cheerful about the concessions we make.
  6. I look at the positives in our marriage through a telescope.  I look at the negatives through the other end of the telescope.
  7. We each have outside interests and friendships.  Few people do well together 24/7, even on the beach in Hawaii.

In order to give life direction and meaning, each of us needs a dream.  But to help our dream come true we must seek not only to find the right person, but also to be the right person.

Alan

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