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As my regular readers probably know, I believe in the adage, “Expect the best, plan for the worst.”  To that I’ll add the central idea of a song written in 1899, Keep on the Sunny Side, because I always try to find reasons to enjoy the sunny side of any situation.  If I decide to do it, I can also decide to enjoy it.

To those who would ask, “Why?”, I would reply, “Why not?  The sunny side of the street is brighter, warmer, and just more fun.”

When I was younger my wife and I frequently made plans to dine out with other couples.  On more than one Saturday afternoon I’d find myself in a sour mood – dreading the dinner engagement.  But it was, and is, more important to me to honor my commitments rather than my mood.  So, I always attended the dinner.  Lo and behold – in almost every case I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation and companionship and was in a much happier frame of mind by the end of the evening.

For years I’ve practiced the practical art of finding the positives in any situation. Right now, I’m enjoying the process of writing – first the opportunity to reflect on some aspect of my life, then the process of trying to describe it effectively. I pay attention to my word choice and even find pleasure in physically typing out the first draft on my computer keyboard. I even enjoy the editing process, trying to put the right words into the right order.  Many years ago, a writer/director friend shared a piece of writing advice with me that is often attributed to Faulkner but might have originated even earlier.  “Kill your babies,” he said.  In other words, proceed objectively and without sentiment and if a word or some part of the writing is unnecessary, be ruthless in cutting it out – even if it is your favorite part (i.e. your baby).

I think that The Sunny Side of the Street can be applied to any activity. It’s unnecessary to dwell on the negative. You can always focus on what you enjoy.  Another set of lyrics is now running through my mind, “You got to Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive; E-lim-i-nate the negative; And latch on to the affirmative; Don’t mess with Mr. in-between.

I think that songs, with their catchy melodies, say it better than I can.  You might do an internet search for either one of the songs above and take a listen. They might brighten your day!

Next week I’ll celebrate my 84^th birthday.

I’m looking forward to a great year.

Alan

A rainy day in Los Angeles offers a perfect opportunity to consider our legacy — yours and mine.

I’m not talking about the money we might leave to those we love. I am talking about the actions we perform each day to help others. Those acts are our most lasting and important gift to the world.

Years ago a young man asked me for advice. He was planning to start a business in commercial property management — similar to mine, and I freely gave him my time along with my guidance.  Then he asked me to share the templates for all of my contracts. I considered the possibility that he might ultimately become a competitor, but what the heck — I believed, and still do, that we have an obligation to help others to the extent we reasonably can. I gave him a copy of each of our forms. He thanked me. I never saw him again.

Still, I’m glad I helped. You’ve probably read the articles that establish how helping others brings us happiness. I agree.  It brings me great joy to help others.

I also hope that when I help someone, they will pay it forward by helping someone else, although that would be a bonus.  It’s not part of the original deal.

We all help our children, emotionally and financially from the moment they are born. We even continue to help them long after they begin to know more than we do — at about age thirteen. That’s fine with me. Better they should learn from their own mistakes while they are still at home in a somewhat protected environment. But even after they have fledged from the protective nests of their childhood homes – we continue helping them. And they in turn, begin to help us along with helping their own children, and others.

And so it goes. A cycle of helping others is the best legacy any of us can leave. As soon as I finish writing this blog, I’m going to take a moment to listen to the rain, and silently remember, and thank, all of those who helped me along my way. There have been, and still are, many.

My thanks to you for reading (and sometimes commenting) on my blog. I appreciate you.

Alan

When our children are growing up we see them most every day. Once they’re grown and off on their own, we don’t see them nearly as often.

Every month or so I have lunch with my son, Craig, who is in his mid-50’s. At our last meeting he said, “You know, Dad, we may only see each other 100 more times in our lives.”

I was surprised because I had never thought about it in that practical way. I’m 83, so if he and I share lunch ten times a year, 100 visits would cover the next ten years. My son’s off-hand projection may be close to what we can actually expect.

Years ago, I studied with a psychiatrist, Paul Ware. One of the most important lessons he  taught me was the value of staying current with those I love. He suggested that whenever I leave a friend or loved one I should be completely up-to-date with them. I should let them know that I love them, and if I want to share part of my life or tell them something, I should do it right away. The opportunity may not come around again.

My younger brother, David, died unexpectedly twenty years ago. Even though he and I were completely up to date with each other, I was devastated by his death. I could hardly function for the next six months and continued to actively mourn his death for at least two years. I miss him today and every day, especially his sense of humor and his enthusiasm.

What I learned from the experience of losing my brother unexpectedly – is simple. As per Paul Ware’s advice, I try to express my love, my joy, or my appreciation whenever I feel it. I don’t wait for the next time I might see someone. As I’ve written recently in another blog, lately I’ve developed the practice of smiling, raising one finger, and saying out loud, “Delight.” I do this often! I admit that I’m usually alone when I do it, but emotion is infectious, so I hereby resolve to start saying “Delight” out loud so others can share in it.

In the vastness of time, our single lives pass rather quickly. Let’s make every moment of ours count.

Today.

Right now

Alan