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If Socrates were an answer on Jeopardy, “know thyself” might be the question.

Actually maxim “know thyself” was already established wisdom long before Socrates used it. In Egypt the ancient temple of Luxor bore the inscription “Man, know thyself . . . and thou shalt know the gods.”

I trust words of wisdom, which for more than two thousand years have survived war, famine, and literary critics. In fact, of all the People Tools that I use in my life, Socrates’ “Know Thyself” tops the list.

You have to know yourself—your likes, dislikes, abilities, disabilities, experiences, and goals—in order to decide what other tools to use in your life, just as a carpenter has to know his project in order to select the appropriate saw. He or she would use different tools to produce a door than to construct a piano.

My mother visited museums in every city she traveled to. My father preferred to sit in a motel room and watch TV. One day, my father asked my mother if she would like to visit a local museum with him. Startled by his sudden interest, she agreed. Together they spent several hours viewing the exhibits.

Later, in their motel room, my father said that he hoped she had enjoyed herself because he did it to please her. My mother said that she was tired, but because she thought that he was interested in that specific museum she had actually endured the visit for him. Both my mother and father ended up at a museum that neither of them wanted to see.

When you know and express yourself accurately you will seldom suffer through activities you don’t like.

Each of us is unique. Your needs, life experience, and resources are different from mine, so we each start from a different place. It makes sense that often your choice of tools will be different from mine, which means that Socrates is the single tool which each of us needs to enable us to effectively rummage in our tool box. You have to know who you are, what you like, and what you dislike.

I used to believe that intelligence was a single global concept which could be reduced to a single number called “IQ.” What could be simpler than the idea that a person who tests at 150 is “smarter” than a person who tests at 110? But I always wondered why people with a high IQ make so many dumb mistakes while those with a lower IQ perform quite well in many situations. The explanation to this seeming inconsistency was published a number of years ago by the outstanding educator Howard Gardner, who, in his book Frames of Mind, concluded that there are seven distinct varieties of intelligence which he identified as:

1. Linguistic.
2. Musical.
3. Logical/mathematical.
4. Spatial.
5. Bodily/kinesthetic.
6. Intrapersonal knowledge.
7. Interpersonal relationships.

“Aha,” I thought as I read his chapters. I remembered Pam, an undergraduate at UCLA, who was a genius in social situations, even though her grades barely hovered above a “C.” I have always been comfortable with numbers and in exploring my own internal process, but I completely blank out when I face a foreign language or, heaven forbid, when my car won’t start.

How can you know yourself?

First, take a look at your tendencies and actions (aka Belt Buckle). My personal trainer works out with four or five clients a day, and in the evening visits the gym for his own workout. I would rather sit. I like to eat, often more than I need. My friend Jim has to think about when he last ate before he knows whether or not he wants to join me for lunch. I hate to offend people. The character Archie Bunker on the long-running TV show All in the Family didn’t mind offending everyone.

Next, think of previous experiences. What did you do? How did you decide? Did you like or dislike the result? Patterns Persist, but if your previous decision-making is flawed in a given area you must be aware of that so you can change it. Have someone else make the decision. Whenever I come to National Boulevard in West Los Angeles I always turn the wrong way. I’m very consistent about that. Now I ask my iPhone which way to turn.

Get help in discovering yourself. Ask friends how they really see you. Take a class, hire a therapist, read a self-help book. Oh, yes, you are.

Know thyself. Then believe what you know, and act on it.

Alan

The auditorium of our future is always pitch-black, and we never know for sure what will happen in that time to come.  We can write appointments on our calendars, pay in advance for our front row seat, and anticipate the appearance of a favorite guest.  But even though we are always seated in the front row center of our lives, we can observe nothing but the performance that the spotlight of “now” illuminates in a bright circle on stage.

I recently celebrated my seventy-fifth birthday at a dinner party on the top floor of a local hotel.  Food was ordered, several hundred guests invited, and decorations were in place.  A program was printed with the details of exactly what I expected to occur from 6:30 p.m. through the end of the evening.

But the spotlight of “now” did not shine on the prearranged program.  I arrived half an hour late to my own party and missed most of the appetizers as well as a balloon hat.  I had the opportunity before dinner to greet only a few of many guests.  Dinner was scheduled for 7:15, but everyone was talking, paying no attention to repeated requests to be seated.

Everything ran late.  The magician cut his act short.  The pianist never did have a moment to perform.  When the wind quintet finished (late) my party planner rushed over to me and said, “I’ve lost control of the party.”

I said, “No problem.  Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves.”

Since I was constantly surrounded many of my guests never found the opportunity to say “hello.”

In short, everyone had a wonderful time.

It is said that life is what happens while you are making plans.  Hardly a day in my life has gone by without the spotlight of “now” shining on something I did not either plan or expect, proving time and again that I am not entirely in charge of my own life..  I am, however, in charge of my reaction.

I have two rules for the unexpected.

First, I ask myself if I can change my “now” back to what I expected, or to what I planned, at an acceptable cost.  I’m sure I could have regained “control” of the party.  I could have taken a microphone and loudly announced, “Okay, enough conversation.  Please sit down for dinner because we’re running late.”

I think the cost of saying this, and putting the party back “on time,” would have been to dampen the high spirits and reduce the energy in the room.  I thought this cost too high, so I made no announcement.  I accepted the spotlight of “now” which was on the conversation, and not on the salad.

My second rule is that if I choose to allow the spotlight of “now” to shine where it will, I will simply smile, relax, and enjoy the ride.  My objective for the party was to provide an environment in which my guests and I could have fun and create warm memories.  That seemed to happen.  But, regardless, my job in living my life is to squeeze s much joy as possible out of every minute.  Basically, this means to find the positive in whatever the spotlight of “now” reveals.

When I was fourteen I was a hospital patient for the first time, about to have my appendix removed.  I was in serious pain and knew that my recovery from the operation would hurt even more.  I reframed my situation, and thought, “This is great.  This is going to really hurt, and for the rest of my life I will remember this day and better appreciate the absence of physical pain.”

Your life, and every one of your relationships, will bring surprises.  Not all will be happy.  Regardless, you are free to define whatever appears in your spotlight of “now” as positive.  Your “me,” your “us,” and your “now” will be the better for it.

Alan