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At Age 74- What Has Happened to Me?

by Alan C. Fox 6 Comments

 

I read a NY Times op ed piece yesterday about aging, the author feeling uncomfortable as the oldest person in the room.  I wondered, “What has changed for me?”

For most of my life I have done enough to get what I wanted.  No more, no less.

This means that I have watched a lot of football games, spent time in class and in travel, and completely indulged and overindulged my passions of the moment. Those passions have included accumulating wealth, finding intimacy, and in the words of e. e. cummings, “singing each morning out of each night”.

Two years ago I realized that my life, my opportunity, was finite.  I was tired of weighing 278 pounds, and disappointed that I had never focused on or actively promoted my writing.  I thought about my father, nearing age 100, and Grandma Moses who famously began her art career at age 80.

I decided to change, with the twenty or more years I might have left.  Today, for the first time in my life, at 210 pounds I am receiving compliments about my appearance.  I like that, even though it’s far too late for me to impress those breathtaking high school girls who paraded before and past me in the hallway every school day of my adolescent life, but who declined to be diverted into my used Pontiac sedan.

I decided to come out from the obscurity of my private writing forest, and, if not to dance in the warmth of the revealing campfire at the forest edge, at least to admire all those dirty but happy campers from where I could both see and be seen, if anyone cared to look.  Life is messy.  I thought maybe I should give it a real try.

So I’m pretty much doing what I’ve always done.  More work, less television.

I’m writing regularly – one books out, one coming out in two weeks, and working on a third and more, blogging every week without fail.  I’m also promoting my writing.  I have found that radio and a few television interviews aren’t so bad after all.  They’re even fun.  Especially when they’re over.

I’m still micromanaging my commercial real estate business, with much needed help from my outstanding staff.  They regularly do most of the work, and point me in the right direction each morning, even if I don’t start walking that way instantaneously.

I’m riding on the winds generated by my baby Rattle, the poetry magazine I started more than eighteen years ago.  Nowadays Rattle’s editor Tim Green has grabbed the baby from its cradle, nursed and tutored it through college and beyond.  Tim is the best poetry editor on the planet.  With a staff of fewer than two we accomplish more than the talents of twenty.  I should add, of course, that without our contributors – poets in more than 100 countries have submitted – we would be silent.  It is their words we reveal to the entire world.

And I have enough time, no more and no less, for the people who are important in my life.  It might be a brief encounter in my office, a regular lunch date with someone I have enjoyed for many years, or the most comfortable and intimate conversations I experience with family, dear friends, and my wife.

I am entirely mindful that my opportunities will end in somewhere between eighteen and thirty years, so I work harder, enjoy myself more, and don’t have one second left for pettiness.  Toxic people have disappeared from my life, constructive people surround me.

What else has changed for me at age seventy four?  Absolutely nothing.

Alan

 

 

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You Will Prevail

 

One of the most important qualities you can have to succeed in your life is not intelligence, money, or education.  What you need is actually free, and you can have it today and every day for the rest of your life.

You must simply believe that you will prevail.

I know it sounds too simple to be true, but if you believe you will prevail I guarantee that you will succeed in your life.  Please remember that success is not prevailing at once.  It is prevailing at last.

Lorelei has been a good friend of mine for more than forty years.  She is smart, attractive, and has earned both college and graduate degrees.  But Lorelei worries—all of the time.

At lunch three days ago I asked Lorelei to think about her entire life and tell me at what point in time she knew she would prevail.  There was a pause.

“I don’t think . . . ever.”

“What about high school?  I remember that you played hooky from school, smoked, and were rebellious.  You must have known that you would ‘get away’ with it.”

“No.  Not really.  Basically I was just angry.  And I did pay a penalty.”

“Okay.  How about your son Loki?  As a child he needed special help in school and you fought hard to get him what he needed—for many years.  And you got it.”

“Yes.  I knew I would fight for my son forever.  But I didn’t know if I would ever prevail.”

I was surprised, as I often am when someone is different from me in an important way.  We continued our conversation talking about less substantial matters like cabbages and kings. At the same time my subconscious was working on an idea. 

At the end of our lunch I said, “I have a homework assignment for you.”  I was afraid that she would tell me that I was out of my mind for trying to give her—a grown woman—homework. But she seemed open to it, so I continued.

“Tomorrow morning, when you wake up, think of something on which you can prevail.  Plant a seed, write a paragraph, read one page on the internet.  It doesn’t matter what you choose.  The seed doesn’t have to grow into anything. 

The paragraph can be one short sentence with misspelled words.  The internet page can be a Google map.  Tomorrow morning just choose an act that you will do, and then know that you will prevail.  In other words, begin to form a new habit.”

To my delight, she said, “I’ll do it.”

Yesterday at lunch I remembered Lorelei’s assignment. With slight misgivings about how she might reply, I texted her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This morning I texted back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two years ago I weighed 278 pounds.  Two years ago I hadn’t ever published a short story, let alone a book.  By the end of this month I will have had two books published, and I’m working a third.  I’ve written this blog every week without fail for more than a year.  If my life were a slot machine with five rows, all would be displaying a “7” and I would be winning a huge jackpot.  But I don’t need to go to Las Vegas to win.  I win because I have the habit of believing that I will prevail.

What are you going to prevail on today?

I know you will.

Alan 

 

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Avoid Financial Disaster

 

One of my “Chiseled in Granite” business principals is:  “Avoid Financial Disaster.”

I learned this lesson the hard way when I was seven-years-old.  At that time I listened to Major League baseball games on the radio. I did not realize that the broadcast started an hour or two after the game began and were a re-creation of the actual game.

One afternoon I was looking forward to a Yankees – Red Sox game.  Out of the blue, my father said, “I’ll bet you that the Yankees are leading one to nothing at the end of the third inning.”

What are the odds of that?  How many major league baseball games have a one to nothing score at the end of the third inning?  One-in-ten?  One-in-fifty?

“Even money, Dad?”

“Of course.”

I was certain that half of all Major League baseball games were not one to zero at the end of the third inning.  This bet was a no brainer.

“Sure, Dad.  How about a nickel each?”

“Fine.”

Ten minutes later the game began.  I listened with more than my usual interest.  I was going to win a nickel.  At the end of the first inning the score was zero to zero.

“Dad, how about raising our bet?”

“Sure.  Fifteen cents?”

“Fine.”

“But since one inning is already over, I think I should get odds.  Say my dime to your twenty cents?”

What a fool he was.  Even at two-to-one I had the better bet.

“Sure, Dad.”

End of the second inning.  Still zero-to-zero.  We increased the bet.  I gave better odds to lure Dad in.

Top of the third.  Yankees at bat.  One out.  A higher bet.  I was starting to imagine how many comic books I would be able to buy in a few minutes. Two outs. Higher bet.  I ended up risking a total of $2.40 to my dad’s fifty cents.  This was a sure thing.

“Going, going, gone.  And it’s over the fence for a home run.  Yankees one, Red Sox nothing.”

I hope you have never had your world collapse as much as I did when I heard that ball sail over the fence.  “Going, going, gone” was right!  Not just five comic books, but also $2.40, which I didn’t actually have.

When there’s life, there’s hope.  The Yankees could score another run.  They didn’t.  The Red Sox could score in the bottom of the third.  They didn’t.

When there’s life, there’s loss.  I was devastated.  I disappeared into my room to sob my eyes out under the covers of my bed.  That’s where my dad found me.  He said it was a few minutes later.  I say it was hours.

“Alan, I heard the third inning score on the radio before we made the bet.  You don’t have to pay me.”

That was when I decided:  “Avoid Financial Disaster.”

Almost sixty years later I purchased a beautiful property in Scottsdale, Arizona, with almost one-half mile of frontage on Scottsdale Boulevard.  Scottsdale.  That’s like Beverly Hills, California, or Park Avenue in Manhattan.  How could I go wrong?  Rents were below market.

I could go wrong.  I did go wrong.  In 2008 the property was foreclosed by the lender.  My investors and I lost millions.

Fortunately, I had invested conservatively in the property. Had the investment been three times larger, I would have faced bankruptcy.  Thanks to my dad, and the miracle of a delayed broadcast, I had decided long ago that I would never, ever put my entire financial life at the risk of a singled failed bet.  I mean a single failed investment.  Same thing.

Also, whenever I bet with my dad again I always asked, “Dad, do you have any advance information?”

Alan

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