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Last week, Daveen and I moved into a house that we’ve been remodeling for more than a year.  It was a moving experience – pun intended.

For more than 50 years I’ve lived in the same Sherman Oaks zip code. And while this is the fourth different house, it will presumably be the last.

As with any change, there are plusses and minuses.  Since this is, I expect, the house I am going to live in for the rest of my life, I will focus exclusively on the advantages.

1. It’s almost walking distance to Stanley’s, one of my favorite restaurants. I especially love their Cobb salad.
2. It’s almost walking distance to Whole Foods, one of my favorite grocery stores.
3. It’s a 15-minute commute to my office. My former commute was 9 minutes, but now we have a lovely backyard, with a real swimming pool (as opposed to the “miniature” swimming pool at the old house), and there is room for us to add a pickleball court.
4. The new house has easy access to the freeways.
5. Our kitchen is 30 steps from the primary bedroom. That’s important to me.
6. The new house has only one story so there are no stairs. That’s important to Daveen.

I should also mention that the new house is about half the size of our previous home. It will be easier to maintain, and half the cost.  (Of course, temporarily, I’ll be paying to carry two houses.)

And so, I expect all will be perfect in our new home, just as soon as I learn how to use the fancy new TV with its 84-inch screen.  Though I did manage to watch the USC-Oregon football game last Saturday evening, USC, sadly, lost.  Ah, well.  I suppose it would be boring if USC won all its football games every year (Alabama – are you listening?).

I’ll let you know how the move turns out.  In a year or two.  After all the boxes are emptied.

Alan

In any relationship, whether it’s a brief encounter with a stranger, a social engagement with a friend, or dealing with your partner on a daily basis, everyone benefits from observing the Three G’s of Relationships.

Those Three G’s are:

1. The Givens.
2. The Give-ins.
3. The Give-ups.

The “Givens” are what we mutually expect from one another in a particular situation.

For example, when I am checking out of the grocery store, it is expected that I will place my groceries onto the check-out counter. The checker will scan each item, tell me the total I owe, and then I will pay for my purchases before I take them to my car.

One of the “Givens” for me in a marriage relationship is knowing when my partner and I can expect one another to be home in the evening. Other people might have different “Givens” in their relationships, but that is something that is established by the participants in accordance with their own situation and desires.

The second G, the “Give-ins,” are what we have to give in to.  When you’re walking on the sidewalk towards another pedestrian, who goes left and who goes right?  Personally, I pretend I’m driving, so I stick to the right lane.  That usually works.  If not, the stranger and I need to make eye contact to figure out how we will get by each other. If the other person isn’t moving out of my way, I might have to “give in” and move to the left.

In a close relationship one “Give-in” might be that your partner wants to sleep later than you. Then you might leave the lights off and drapes closed in your bedroom and move as quietly as you can to let them sleep undisturbed. We all have our “give-ins’ in a relationship, those compromises we regularly make to keep each other happy.

The third G, the “Give-ups,” are what we each need to let go of.  Basically, we need to give up a part of our autonomy.

In business we are normally expected to work a certain number of hours each week and also might be expected to show up at our place of work by a specific time on specific days.  For most this means we can’t sleep late on a weekday, or go fishing, or stay in bed and read a book. Not always being in control of your own time is one important kind of “give-up.”

Another might be privacy. In a close relationship a “give-up” might be agreeing to carry a cell phone, and/or letting the other person know where you are so they don’t worry. These are just some of the sacrifices we make in exchange for a happy relationship.

In addition, it always helps to be respectful. That should a “Given” in every relationship.

The Three G’s.  Easy steps that will hopefully help you get along happily with others.

Alan

I’d like to be the first this year to give you a Halloween Hello.

Boo!

When I was young, Halloween was my second favorite holiday, not far behind Christmas.  What do they have in common?  Lots of sweets, of course.

In that respect Halloween was even better than Christmas.  It was, after all, the sweetest holiday, and no one ever gave me a scratchy wool sweater.  All I had to do was to put on a costume, knock on doors, and say the magic words, “Trick or treat.”  My brother and I stayed out as late as we could to collect as much candy as possible. For the record, I was never a big fan of candy corn, though I loved Mars Bars.

I was delighted whenever a neighbor put an entire candy bar in the brown paper bag I carried.  In those days a candy bar cost a nickel.  I don’t know how much they cost today because, while I do my share of grocery shopping, I haven’t bought a candy bar in years.

While today I would be on the giving end of Halloween, I find myself off the hook for the following reasons:

1. My home is on a street where houses are quite far apart.
2. The front door is far from the street.
3. We live behind a fence and a locked gate.
4. On Halloween I leave the lights off.

For all the above reasons, I have not greeted a single trick or treater for many years and so I don’t need to buy any candy.

Instead, the trick or treaters in our neighborhood ply their trade on the next block, where the street and the houses are better lit and closer together.

The laws of economics continue to apply – if you want someone to do something make it easy for them.  (“All you have to do is say ‘yes’ and sign on the bottom line.”)  If you don’t want someone to do something, make it more difficult.  (No light and a fence are helpful.)

So if you live in a neighborhood popular with trick or treaters, remember to buy some candy today.  The Childrens’ dentists, if not their parents, will thank you.

Alan