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For many years this has been my favorite quotation.  It comes directly from Hamlet, a character in a play written by (another) great writer more than 400 years ago.

But let me be more specific.

CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM

THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION

THE LOS ANGELES RAMS FOOTBALL TEAM

Are these “good” or “bad”?

I expect that the opinions of my readers will differ.  Some of you will say “good,” others will say “bad,” and still others may have no opinion either way.

But even if you agree with me that chocolate ice cream is “good,” we must realize that there is no book or human authority that offers the final word on the goodness or badness of chocolate ice cream or anything else.  What we are really saying is that we like chocolate ice cream, or that we dislike or don’t care about the Los Angeles Rams.  In short, “good” is just a shorthand way of saying, “I like it,” And “bad” is just a shorthand way of saying, “I don’t like it.”

Why is this distinction important?  Because it reminds us that our opinions are exactly that – opinions, and not statements of fact (other than the fact that we like or dislike something).  Facts are facts – in Los Angeles the sun will set today at 8:05 pm, whether you like the Rams or not.  The 8:05 time is not a guess.  It is reported as a fact on the internet, which I assume is correct and a fact we can all agree and rely on tonight.

In these days of political divisiveness, I believe it would help us to remember that our opinions are not eternal. Some of our opinions have probably even changed over the years.  My dad taught me, in the stock market, to be a contrary thinker – sell when others are buying and buy when everyone else seems to be selling.  That makes perfect sense to me, but obviously a majority of investors disagrees.

Wouldn’t it be interesting to take a moment to refrain from negative judgements of other people’s thoughts and feelings and agree that it’s okay for us to disagree?

Do we agree on that?

And as for dessert after dinner tonight — I vote for chocolate ice cream, but even there I wouldn’t expect the vote to be unanimous.  After all, some folks prefer vanilla.

And – you may find this difficult to believe – I have actually met a few folks who don’t care for ice cream at all.  It’s a matter of taste.

And that is a fact.

Alan

Your children want things from you all the time – a dinosaur toy, a book (hopefully), or a car (ouch!).   Other people want things from you – advice, a pat on the back, or a loan of money.   Heck, you want things from other people all the time – a sandwich, a date, a business or personal reference.

The two basic answers to a request are “Yes” and “No.”  Dress those two up however you like, but it’s always comes down to a ”yes,” or a “no”.  (I consider “maybe” to be a cowardly “no” — every single time I say it.)

So how can you achieve a result that is both positive and constructive?   Most of us don’t really think about it.  Accordingly, our answer is often a quick “No.” Or, perhaps a little better, “No, I don’t have time right now.”

But how can you respond to every request with a yes?

I suggest that you implant in your soul the idea that your initial response should always be “Yes.”  I’m not saying that you will immediately buy your 16-year-old their own car.  Or that you say yes to activities that might be unsafe or illegal.  I am saying that a positive response to any reasonable request will brighten both your day and theirs.

So as an alternative to “no,” please also insert into your psyche, “Yes, as soon as…”

“Yes, I will help you buy a car as soon as your report card reflects at least a “B” average and you are able to pay for half.”

“Yes, you can play with the dinosaur as soon as you straighten up the rest of your toys.”

Sometimes, of course, it’s fine to respond with an unqualified “Yes.”

“Yes, I will happily buy you the book. I look forward to hearing your thoughts after you’ve read it.”

But always respond positively, even if that requires you to think (horrors!) and become a bit creative.  Your kids will like you better.  So will your friends and business associates.  And you will be happier with your own life.

Does this People Tool really work?

Yes. Like magic.  As soon as you start using it.

Alan

About fifteen years ago, I began to notice that people were talking on their cell phones in public.  This was true everywhere I travelled: Finland, Scotland, Italy – almost every place I visited.

Today cellphone use has become endemic throughout the world.  It troubles me when I see people sitting together at a restaurant who are not talking because they are too busy engaging with something on their phones rather than with one another. I wonder sometimes what this is doing for human empathy and connection.

Even so, I confess to being guilty of this myself. I have a strong attachment to being connected to the world at all times via my cell phone.

Perhaps this explains a recurring dream that I had again last night. In my dream, I can’t find my cellphone.  You can imagine my discomfort, if not desperation.  I don’t think I need to elaborate because you almost certainly have a cell phone and from time to time you probably also worry about losing it.  A missing cellphone can be a big problem.

In my dream my first reaction is to contact Daveen and ask her to help me find my phone.  My second reaction is, “How can I contact Daveen?  I don’t have my phone.”  As you can understand, in this case the problem itself precludes the solution.

Of course, usually – when this happens in real life – my cell phone isn’t missing at all.  It’s simply in my left-hand shirt pocket instead of my right-hand pocket where I usually carry it.  (I always wear dress shirts with two pockets.)  Once or twice, after I’ve searched for five or ten minutes, Daveen gently points out that my cellphone is in my hand.  Oops.  Kind of like searching for my reading glasses when they’re on my head.

I used to worry about losing my car keys or my wallet with credit cards, or the small amount of cash I carry, but none of those have ever resulted in tragedy.  So why do I worry so much about losing my cell phone?

Maybe because obsessing about the location of my phone helps me to remember where it is, and as a result, I seldom misplace it.  Perhaps that fear is what erupts in my dreams, and I can’t control that.  Isn’t the unconscious mind grand?

Even so, after I’ve done as much as I can to solve a problem, I let it go.  So, I’m not going to spend any more time right now thinking about this.

But, come to think of it, I haven’t received any phone calls or texts for the past forty-five minutes.  So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just take a moment to check my right-hand shirt pocket.

Alan