One of the more important lessons I’ve learned in my life is that almost any situation, no matter how seemingly negative, can be transformed into or replaced by a positive experience.
When my law partner and I were preparing to open our law firm many years ago we applied to lease prestigious office space in Century City. Because I had scribbled my financial statement on a yellow sheet of paper, our application was refused. I was not happy. I am never happy when I feel rejected. A friend once observed that I used to confuse refusal (“Sorry, can’t make it to your party”) with rejection (“I don’t like you”), which meant that I often felt rejected and I was often not happy.
Back to Century City. I promptly responded to the landlord’s refusal with a neatly typed financial statement (the numbers did not change, just the presentation), and two weeks later the application was accepted. Meanwhile, however, my partner and I had leased space in the San Fernando Valley at a building that was not as formal. During my entire business career of almost fifty years I have occupied only three different offices, all within a few miles of each other, and I have been delighted that I avoided the expense, traffic, and social complexity of the West Side of Los Angeles.
A few days ago I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and asked if she had a similar experience of disappointment transformed into delight. She wrote to me:
“I was recently looking for a tenant to rent my apartment, and I found a woman that appeared to want it. She seemed like a good fit, and we went through all the steps of the rental process. I took the listing off of Craig’s List, and was looking forward to her moving in, when she very suddenly backed out. There was no explanation, just a curt apology. I was pissed and disappointed. It turns out that it was a good thing, because my current tenants are wonderful – the best I’ve had yet. I wouldn’t have known them had the original tenant come through with her agreement.”
My son Craig aspired to attend Brown University, but his application was not accepted. Instead he graduated from the University of California at Berkeley, and I’m sure he would agree that his “second choice” turned out to be the best possible school for him.
When the restaurant I want to eat at doesn’t have an available table, I often find a better alternative. When a lunch date cancels I am relieved that I can eat less and have an extra hour to finish a task that might otherwise trouble me tomorrow.
Fifty years ago I hired a new assistant, who I fired after two weeks. Fortunately the candidate who was my second choice was still available, and we have been part of each other’s lives for almost fifty years. There is a lesson in all of this.
Often our emotions are short-lived. When you think the sky is falling, take a moment and think again. Take a deep breath, and remember that in your experience, and mine, today’s catastrophe often becomes the foundation of future success.
Alan
