Complaining to Myself

A few minutes ago I looked at my calendar for the day.  There is an appointment scheduled for 10:00 am – “TAKE TESLA IN FOR SERVICING.”

“Ugh,” I thought to myself.  “That will take me at least an hour.  I don’t have the time.  I don’t know much about cars, and other than the air conditioning not working, I don’t know what to tell them to do.”

In short, I was complaining to myself.

Suppose you said to me, “You are not going to like what I’m about to tell you.”  What would happen?

My chest would tighten, my blood pressure would rise, and my mind would automatically close up to whatever else you had to say. I would prepare to defend myself against both you and your bad news.

The same physiological changes take place when I complain to myself.  My self-inflicted “Ugh” says it all.  “Ugh” puts my body into a state of tension as I automatically try to shut me out from myself.

Everyone does this.  Sometimes we have a “poor me” or “victim” syndrome.  Sometimes we just don’t want to face a particular thought or situation.

But complaining to yourself is not inevitable.  It isn’t preordained.  You have the power to change your life story from “Ugh” to a consistent “Hurrah!”  Complaining to yourself is merely a habit, a painful and self-defeating habit.  As with any other habit, with consistent work and self-reminders, you can change it.

Step one – welcome all ideas, every single one, into your life.  Especially the ideas, “I don’t know what to do,” or, “I don’t want to face this.”  You can figure it out or ask for help.  I’m sure you have at least one friend who would love to help you.

Two weeks ago one of my hearing aids stopped working.  I didn’t want to face the problem.  After all, I had one left.  This morning the second one went kaput.  I immediately changed my “Ugh” into the cheerful thought that I had an opportunity to get out of the office for an hour and have both of them fixed, which I did.  I solved my problem with a happy drive to Costco.  (Yes, they have an excellent hearing aid service.)

Step two – in the coloring book of your response, use lively hues. Make the best of each and every thought or situation. If something is inevitable, why not just let it pass right through you and out the other side?

Years ago a friend lost his job.  I greeted him at dinner with, “Congratulations.  In six months you’ll have a job you like a whole lot more.”  And he did.

If, at this point, you are saying to yourself, Alan is Pollyanna and suggests that we find the joy in everything,” you would be correct.  Except in one respect.

A positive outlook is not unrealistic.  It colors my day joyful and helps me find the eventual pleasure tucked into the corner of every emotional ache.  More importantly, a positive outlook often brings with it a positive outcome.  I can welcome a successful future, rather than try to stop the future.

So what about the car?

After I asked a friend to take it in for servicing my day brightened immediately.

Smiles.

Alan