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Alan C. FoxAuthor. Entrepreneur. Game-changer.
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Avoid Financial Disaster

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One of my “Chiseled in Granite” business principals is:  “Avoid Financial Disaster.”

I learned this lesson the hard way when I was seven-years-old.  At that time I listened to Major League baseball games on the radio. I did not realize that the broadcast started an hour or two after the game began and were a re-creation of the actual game.

One afternoon I was looking forward to a Yankees – Red Sox game.  Out of the blue, my father said, “I’ll bet you that the Yankees are leading one to nothing at the end of the third inning.”

What are the odds of that?  How many major league baseball games have a one to nothing score at the end of the third inning?  One-in-ten?  One-in-fifty?

“Even money, Dad?”

“Of course.”

I was certain that half of all Major League baseball games were not one to zero at the end of the third inning.  This bet was a no brainer.

“Sure, Dad.  How about a nickel each?”

“Fine.”

Ten minutes later the game began.  I listened with more than my usual interest.  I was going to win a nickel.  At the end of the first inning the score was zero to zero.

“Dad, how about raising our bet?”

“Sure.  Fifteen cents?”

“Fine.”

“But since one inning is already over, I think I should get odds.  Say my dime to your twenty cents?”

What a fool he was.  Even at two-to-one I had the better bet.

“Sure, Dad.”

End of the second inning.  Still zero-to-zero.  We increased the bet.  I gave better odds to lure Dad in.

Top of the third.  Yankees at bat.  One out.  A higher bet.  I was starting to imagine how many comic books I would be able to buy in a few minutes. Two outs. Higher bet.  I ended up risking a total of $2.40 to my dad’s fifty cents.  This was a sure thing.

“Going, going, gone.  And it’s over the fence for a home run.  Yankees one, Red Sox nothing.”

I hope you have never had your world collapse as much as I did when I heard that ball sail over the fence.  “Going, going, gone” was right!  Not just five comic books, but also $2.40, which I didn’t actually have.

When there’s life, there’s hope.  The Yankees could score another run.  They didn’t.  The Red Sox could score in the bottom of the third.  They didn’t.

When there’s life, there’s loss.  I was devastated.  I disappeared into my room to sob my eyes out under the covers of my bed.  That’s where my dad found me.  He said it was a few minutes later.  I say it was hours.

“Alan, I heard the third inning score on the radio before we made the bet.  You don’t have to pay me.”

That was when I decided:  “Avoid Financial Disaster.”

Almost sixty years later I purchased a beautiful property in Scottsdale, Arizona, with almost one-half mile of frontage on Scottsdale Boulevard.  Scottsdale.  That’s like Beverly Hills, California, or Park Avenue in Manhattan.  How could I go wrong?  Rents were below market.

I could go wrong.  I did go wrong.  In 2008 the property was foreclosed by the lender.  My investors and I lost millions.

Fortunately, I had invested conservatively in the property. Had the investment been three times larger, I would have faced bankruptcy.  Thanks to my dad, and the miracle of a delayed broadcast, I had decided long ago that I would never, ever put my entire financial life at the risk of a singled failed bet.  I mean a single failed investment.  Same thing.

Also, whenever I bet with my dad again I always asked, “Dad, do you have any advance information?”

Alan

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One Partner Who Is Both Reliable and Exciting

by Alan C. Fox 0 Comments

I am cruising down the Danube River on a brand new Viking River Cruises boat.  For me this is an ideal vacation for two reasons:

1.    It is reliable.  I will sleep in the same bed each night.  No need to check into different hotels.  I will savor my meals in the same dining room.  There is no pressure to search for a new restaurant every few hours.  I won’t have to pack and unpack, suffer through security at airports, or deal with unpredictable taxi drivers.  I will enjoy the reliability and comfort of the known.  That’s nice.

2.    It is also exciting.  I will visit a different town each day.  I can relax in my veranda chair and watch fresh scenery come into view.  I will experience both the thrill of discovery and the excitement of variety.  That’s nice too.

I like the combination of reliable and exciting.  But take my wife.  Please.  (Stolen from Henny Youngman.)  How do you achieve both reliability and excitement in the same relationship, especially over many years?

I have two tips.

First, make your relationship solid.  One way to do this is to trust your partner.

Most of us think of trust as something not entirely within our control because we have to trust another human being. No (other) human being is entirely predictable.  She might get sick at an inconvenient time.  He might run out of money when we really need it. You might lie because you want to avoid telling me the truth.  And I might lie to you.  Horrors!

We all tell lies. One study indicates that we tell as many as two or three lies every ten minutes.  I don’t really trust that one.  I do trust the study which concludes that most of us lie at least once or twice a day.

I don’t know that I can ever fully trust another human being, even after almost forty years of marriage, raising six children (and we all know you can’t fully trust the children – they are, and should be, busy looking out for themselves), and sleeping together in the same bed for ten thousand nights in a row (that’s a little more than twenty seven years).

So trust your partner as much as you can. Trust that he or she has good intentions.  If they don’t you shouldn’t be with them in the first place.

And it’s even more important to trust yourself.  Trust that you will be able to deal with difficult, unpredictable situations such as sickness and money problems if and when they arise.  And trust your partner to do the same.  That’s about as good as it gets in this life, both with your partner and with your cell phone service on the Danube river.

Second, after you trust, “let yourself go,” and ask your partner to both encourage you and to “let go” themselves.

You wouldn’t enjoy the identical dinner every night, without some variation – a different spice, or new desert.

I’m not suggesting that you try a different partner on one of those ten thousand nights, but I do suggest that you keep things fresh and interesting between the two of you.

Many women (and some men) have read at least part of the “Shades of Grey” trilogy.  It’s entertaining, but basically the same fantasy over and over.  That’s all right, but you can do even better.  You have an imagination.  And there are other books.

Create your own fantasies and encourage your partner to fulfill them. Then reciprocate. Your additional excitement will enhance your relationship and both of your lives.

With an outlook of both trust and fantasy you can cruise down the river of life in a partnership that is both reliable and exciting, and . . .  it’s late.  I’m tired.  I’m going to bed. 

Knock knock.

Alan  

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Cuddles

by Alan C. Fox 4 Comments

 

“Cuddles” is not your local lady of p . . . leisure.  She, or he, is you, and me.

Skin to skin contact is important for every human being.  A great deal of research has indicated that infants who lack enough physical touch may never achieve full emotional development.  In 2010 Katherine Harmon reported in The Scientific American, “. . . many stories of delayed development and troublesome behavior, such as in the seven-year-old Russian orphan who was returned by his adoptive family in the U.S. in April 2010, have spurred researchers to take an even closer look into the effects of early contact deprivation.”

Maybe part of me is still a baby but for me, as one member of an adult couple, physical contact remains essential.  It reinforces the connection between me and my partner.  Physical contact always comforts me.  Occasionally I even tell Daveen that I need to cling to her.  Sometimes I don’t even know why.  She has always been available, without question or hesitation.

I also like physical contact while walking.  In addition to the pleasure of connection I can maintain greater stability.  I’m less likely to fall.  Two or three times a year I stumble.  When I’m physically connected to the person I’m walking with, I keep my balance better.  And they stay upright as well.  I am touched every time my father, now one hundred years old, interlocks his arm with mine as we walk together toward a restaurant, or up a flight of stairs.  After more than thirty five years I am still thrilled when Daveen reaches her arm around my waist as, for example, we admire a particularly beautiful sunset.

At the beginning of our relationship my second wife, Susan, was uncomfortable with any public display of affection, including holding hands while we walked along a sidewalk.  Fortunately, it didn’t take her long to grow used to touching and being touched — even my arm around her shoulder or my hand holding her at the waist.  Sometimes she even held on to me.  I liked that.  I still do.  How do you know you’re really together unless at least part of your connection is physical?

Of course, our need for physical contact goes far beyond the sidewalk, and all the way to the bedroom.  I’m not talking about sex here.  I’m talking about physical contact, in this case cuddling.

Whether we have made love or not, whether we’re tired or not, Daveen and I have cultivated the habit of cuddling as we lie in bed each night before we fall asleep.  It is one of the treats of my life when she falls asleep first, her breath slowing, her body relaxing into my arms.  I feel Daveen trusting me with herself, and that is a high compliment indeed.  It speaks to the very essence of our marriage.

Each of us is alone enough every day, and that is normal and natural.  Few of us are, or would want to be, Siamese twins. But let’s end the day, or begin it, with a cuddle.

“The Peerless Quartet” recorded a song more than one hundred years ago, yet it’s a song you may remember.  Here’s the refrain.  You might try inserting “Cuddles” for “Sweetheart.”  I often do.

Let me call you “Sweetheart,” I’m in love with you. 

Let me hear you whisper that you love me too.

Keep the love-light glowing in your eyes so true.

Let me call you “Sweetheart,” I’m in love with you.

Alan

 

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