Who talks to you more than any other person in the world?

I used to say it was my mother, sitting on my shoulder and whispering, “Look both ways before you cross the street.”  But her message has become engrained.  Even on a one-way street I look both ways, and that is without even thinking about my mother’s warning.  She might have been cautious, but she was also right.

Today, however, I would say that the person I hear talking to me more than anyone else – is me.

But that is a good thing, because I get to choose what I say.

For example, outside my office I seldom think about work because, when I do, I mostly remember the problems, or the mistakes, that I can’t do anything about.  Close to forty years ago I found a small typo in a memo I had sent two years earlier. The thought of that typo still bothers me today, if I let myself I think about it.  Solution?  I seldom let myself think about it.

I’m happier when I think about the high points in my life, rather than low points.  This is true despite being able to still hear my father telling me it is important to correct my mistakes.  Dad – I once burned my hand on the stove.  I don’t have to remember that every time I fry an egg.  Life has taught me to be more careful than I used to be, and that is lesson enough.

I know many people preemptively worry that something bad will happen before it does.  I understand why, but when I find myself worrying about something beyond my control, I remember a line from the 2015 movie, Bridge of Spies. (I’ve mentioned this anecdote before, but I think it’s worth repeating).  When Tom Hanks, playing an attorney, is leaving the prison cell of Mark Rylance, playing a spy, Hanks turns to Ryland and says, “You do understand that if we lose in court you could be executed.”

Rylance responds, “I do.”

“But you don’t seem to be upset.”

“Would it help?” Rylance asks, shrugging his shoulders.

Perfectionists, beware.  You have nothing to lose but your peace of mind. So I suggest you filter out the negative thoughts and focus on the positive.

Alan

A few weeks ago, Daveen visited one of our daughters and I was alone for five days while she was out of town.  This past weekend we were both at home, although we were engaged in our own separate activities.

I enjoy spending some of my time alone.  Like my father, I’m always thinking about something, and I certainly have a long list of books I’d like to read.

As far as I’m concerned, I only need to have two rooms in my home.  We’ve lived in our house for about five years, and I’ve spent most of my time either in our combined family room/kitchen or in our bedroom where Daveen and I each have a desk.  Today I had a meeting scheduled with Tim to select poems for Rattle, but Daveen unexpectedly hosted a party, so Tim and I had to work in the living room.  That was a first!

While I don’t need company, I realize that I like to have Daveen in the house.  This provides the possibility of company.  Also, it’s nice to have someone there to deal with the occasional spider that might come along, or to reset the pesky burglar alarm when it malfunctions.

I draw a distinction between actual company and the possibility of company for the following reason.  When I have actual company I feel a need to pay attention to them.  But if they are going about their own business I can pay attention to whatever I like.  I know they are available.  It’s like having a savings account I can dip into.

The reason I distinguish between my need for actual company vs. the possibility of company is because I think it’s important for all of us to figure out what we really need to be content (as distinguished from what we think we should need).

When I think about company, I like the possibility as much as – and sometimes even more than – the actuality.

See you soon!  Possibly.

Alan

I have four University degrees: Accounting, Law, Counseling, and Professional Writing.  All are from the University of Southern California.  So, it should not come as a surprise that on many Fall Saturday afternoons I spend three or four hours rooting for USC during their football game.  Sometimes I shout to the TV screen, “Fight on!” (That’s the official fight song of USC and a battle cry for its fans).

I will confess, however, that for all my enthusiasm, I am a fair-weather fan.  Last year USC’s record was 4 wins and 8 losses.  Part way through the season, I lost interest.  During losing seasons like that I wonder if the thrill of winning is worth the temporary despair of losing.

Part of USC’s problem is their previous success.  Their football loving alumni have high expectations that every year they will win every game and go on to the national championship.  Unrealistic?  Sure.  But better than rooting for the Chicago Cubs, a team that suffered a drought of many years without ever making the playoffs.

Another problem for USC is that their success has been limited by their commitment to only hiring USC alums as their head coach.  A few seasons ago they fired their head coach after he started the season with several losses.  They then elevated an assistant coach Ed Orgeron (who was not an alum).  The team was extremely successful that year, and USC played in the Rose Bowl.  But the next season Ed was replaced by a head coach with an affiliation to USC.  Bad call.  Ed left to coach the LSU team that went on to win the national championship.  Grumble mumble.

Since, as of today, USC has a 7-1 record and is ranked 9^th in the country, I’m reasonably happy (although I still am unhappy about the single loss).

This past Saturday, as USC rumbled to a high scoring victory, I realized that for me, and perhaps others, it’s not enough for USC to merely win their games.  I want them to prevail by a score of at least 50-0 every time and have at least two or three players vying to be an All American.

I also root for the Los Angeles Rams, who won the Super Bowl last season.  I attended their game yesterday, in which they lost rather dismally to their archrival, the San Francisco 49ers.  The Rams now have a record of 3 wins and 4 losses.  Ho hum.

I think this season I’ll forget the Rams and pay more attention to USC.  As I said, I’m a fair-weather fan.

Fight on!

Alan