The infamous Hatfield-McCoy feud of the 19^th century was rivaled in my lifetime by the 20^th century Fox-Blakeslee feud.  The Blakeslees were our next door neighbors.

I was almost three years old when my brother David was born. My dad asked Mrs. Blakeslee next door to “watch me” while he drove my mother to the hospital to give birth.  For whatever reason, she refused.

Dad was angry, and he held onto his anger.  From that day on he refused to speak to or acknowledge the Blakeslees in any way, and that lasted throughout my entire childhood.

I’ve heard it said that holding on to anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.  I agree, and that’s reason enough to release anger.

The nearest I’ve come to a personal feud was about eight years ago when I sent out an email to everyone on my mailing list, inviting them to receive to my weekly blog.  Almost everyone accepted, and I thank all of you.

Two people, however, not only declined my invitation, but also sent me a nasty note in response.  One was my former law partner and the other my former college debate partner.  I couldn’t make this up.

I learned long ago that it’s okay to ask.  And it’s also okay to say “no.”  While I was surprised by their hostility, I just followed their lead, and deleted their email addresses permanently. I won’t be sending them any further invitations.

Happily, Dad did change. I was a teenager by then, but I still remember the eventful evening.  Everyone in the neighborhood was out in the street watching a total eclipse of the moon.  Maybe that had put Dad in a forgiving mood.  Or maybe thirteen years had been long enough for him to boil.  He actually said “hello” to Mrs. Blakeslee, and Voila! – just like that – the feud was over.

There already aren’t enough hours in my life to complete my “bucket list,” and I refuse to waste any time and emotional energy by carrying around a grudge.

I simply smile, enjoy my life, and wish everyone well.

Alan

We all know the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”  My friends in medical research tell me they don’t know of any studies to support this aphorism, but I guess it helps to sell apples. Prunes, on the other hand, have been touted as beneficial in numerous medical studies, but even so – they can’t shake their reputation.  Maybe if prunes had a similar saying they would be more popular.

During the past three days I’ve eaten three apple fritters.  My question is, “Does that count to keep me safe from doctors?”

Normally, I enjoy this sweet treat no more than once a month.  If a chocolate chip cookie has as many as 500 calories, I’m not even going to ask Siri how many calories are in an apple fritter.  I don’t want to know.

So why three fritters in three days?  As best I can tell I was motivated by three primary factors:

1. Convenience: I happened to be driving in the neighborhood of the Donut store all three days. This morning I was picking up BBQ ribs for a small Super Bowl party.  And what do you call a Super Bowl without apple fritters?  (Answer at the end.)
2. Kindness: An older couple has been behind the counter of the donut store for years, and they seem to work seven days a week. I assume this is their only source of income and I wanted to help them out.
3. Self-interest: I love apple fritters (much more than chocolate chip cookies).

My Super Bowl guests today are bringing chili, dips, and desert along with their hearty appetites. I assume they will be rooting for the Rams – especially if they want to enjoy the ribs and fritters.

While I wish I could linger with you, our guests are due to arrive in a few minutes and I need to put out the remaining two apple fritters.  Notably – despite the medical research – we will not be serving prunes.

Alan

Answer:  The Super Bowl.

We’ve all heard the adage that “a straight line is the shortest distance between two points.”  If we’re headed to a local store we plan the most efficient route.  If the store is two miles away, we’re not likely to travel there by way of Las Vegas (unless we’re already in Las Vegas).

In choosing how to use our time and energy we aim to be efficient.  We pick the lowest hanging oranges first. We choose the shortest line at the grocery store, or the gas station.  If we move to Los Angeles from San Francisco we find local doctors and other convenient service providers.

There is good reason for this.  By being linear (efficient), we conserve time and energy.  We seek the “maximum bang for our time and energy buck.”

Just as our supply of money is finite and must be allocated, our supply of time and energy are also limited.  I think about this whenever I want to see a major sporting event.

This year, my son and I bought season tickets for the Los Angeles Rams home games. Of the nine or ten home games, we attended only two. We watched the rest on television.  You’ve probably noticed that, when you watch football at home, at the end of the game you’re already home. I once had to wait almost two hours just to get out of a parking lot at the Los Angeles Coliseum.  At home the hot dogs don’t cost ten dollars each.  And the bathrooms are always clean.  You don’t have to wait in a line for anything. You also get instant replays and expert commentary.

As for the unused tickets? They were given to others who might enjoy the experience more than me (and if any were unused – the sunk-cost theory covers any remorse).

My blog is always between 200 and 600 words.  I figure if it’s short you’re willing to spend a few minutes with it.  But I’m not going to try to hold your attention for half an hour. A TV reporter told me that a typical TV news story used to average about three minutes, but that reporters are now encouraged to keep their stories to under one minute.

However, I think we also go for quality.  How short was your longest kiss?

Well, efficiency isn’t everything. Sometimes we just want to take the scenic route.

Alan