My Uncle Morris, after a career selling life insurance, decided to change his professional focus and began selling residential real estate.

He joined a small agency. Then, he visited every one of the 120 homes they had listed so he could become familiar with their features.

When he met with potential clients, Morris interviewed them in depth to find out the exact characteristics of what they were looking for in a home. Based upon the listings and their preferences, he would take them to see three or four houses that best fit their needs.

By contrast, most real estate agents at the time spent a full day, or more, visiting dozens of houses with their buyers hoping that one would suit them. Morris believed that his approach saved time for both him and his customers and that it was ultimately more efficient for everyone.

He once told me a story about a couple who loved a one story house he had showed them. After touring the home, they asked to see the attic.

“The attic is at the bottom of these stairs,” he said.

“That’s not an attic,” they said. “That’s a basement, We want a home that has an attic.”

“I understand,” he said. “But what you really need is a large room for storage and perhaps a playroom for your children that isn’t located on the main floor.”

“Exactly.”

“Does it make any difference if that large room is upstairs or downstairs?  Why don’t we just take a look.”  Morris then led them downstairs to the basement.

The young couple bought the house.

I’ve always found this story instructive on two levels.

First, on salesmanship: what a great salesperson strives to do is is satisfy the customer’s underlying needs and desires. For example, if someone is looking for a great cruise, does it really matter if the ship leaves from Orlando rather than Miami?

Secondly, on meeting your own needs we should always consider what really serves us. When I’m on vacation, what I want most is to enjoy myself. I can be flexible about whether I’m vacationing on land or on a cruise ship or at a ski resort. What’s important is knowing what ultimately suits me best. This is especially relevant at the moment, since I’m writing this blog while on the Disney Wish, the newest of the Disney cruise ships. As compared with a hotel, the ship has better food, more amenities, and the service is outstanding. It certainly meets all of my vacation needs.

Just like with real estate – what really matters is who we are on the inside. Our clothing is, well, just window dressing and can be changed as easily as the curtains in a new house.

I hope that in the new year we will each resolve to honor the heart of what’s most important to us in our lives and disregard that which is just superficial. Does it really matter if the attic is in the basement so long as it suits your needs?

Happy holidays to all.

Alan

When I was in law school, a fellow student shared with me that when he was eighteen, he thought his dad didn’t know anything.  “But in the past six years, I’m surprised at how much he’s learned,” he said.

I could apply that observation to my own life.  During the past 82 years I’m surprised at how much I’ve learned. Some lessons I’ve had to learn more than once.  Life is a diligent teacher.

In no particular order – here are some of the positive surprise lessons that I’ve learned from various events and milestones in my life:

1. Six children.  What happened here?  I grew up with one younger brother, and that was plenty.  At my fiftieth high school reunion I won a door prize for having the most children. What have I learned? My children are my proudest accomplishment.
2. Owning my own business for 54 years.  When I founded ACF on March 1, 1968, I applied for several corporate names.  A man called from Sacramento to tell me that none of those was available.  Since the state had paid for the phone call, I asked about the name ACF Property Management, Inc.  That name was available, and here we are, still thriving. I’ve learned throughout all of the ups and the downs that optimism works.
3. Getting back together with Daveen.  This was an especially large shock to my family-law attorney, but a stroke of good luck for me. What did I learn? To paraphrase Joni Mitchell, sometimes “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.”
4. My paternal grandfather lived to be 94, my father to 104.  Does that mean I get another 32 years? If hope so, and in the meantime, I’ve learned to make the most of every moment.
5. Publishing three People Tools books and two children’s books in my seventies. I’ve learned it is never too late to achieve your goals and accomplish what you want to do most in life.

Have there also been some negative surprises?  Of course, but even those have taught me something. Almost 4 years ago I needed to have surgery on my cervical spine. While we all might expect something like that to happen to us eventually, I couldn’t help thinking why me? But since then, I’ve begun to walk regularly, and I now appreciate how important it is to take care of my body.

I always fall asleep wondering what will happen tomorrow.  That should keep me going for another decade or two.

Today the Livermore lab in the San Francisco Bay area announced a major breakthrough in fusion energy.  That’s the same energy source that powers the sun.  I’m not a scientist, but in twenty years this source of abundant energy could change the world.

See you then!

Meanwhile, best wishes for a happy holiday.

Alan

This may be a touchy subject.  The unsaid remainder of the question posed in the title could be, “…THAT I DON’T ALREADY CONSCIOUSLY RECOGNIZE”.

The answer leaping out from some previously secret psychological cavern near my heart is, “You’re a lot more sensitive than you let on, even to yourself.”

I don’t know whether to accept that truth about myself with gusto, stuff it back where it came from by ignoring it (is that possible?) or explore it further by writing about it.  The “writing about it” seems to be winning.  I’m remembering the writer who was asked by a reporter what he thought about winning the Nobel prize for literature.

“I don’t know,” the writer said.  “I haven’t written about it yet.”

But this particular truth about myself is a stubborn rascal and doesn’t want to be pulled out of its hidey hole.

Perhaps it’s because as a child, I was told “You’re too sensitive” once too often.  But that is like telling me I’m too short.  What action can I take to change something that is an intrinsic part of me?  Undergo a sensitivityectomy?  Wear shoes with thicker soles?

I think not.  We are who we are, I am who I am.  And yet, hopefully, there will always be someone who loves the way we are, even if it is only our mothers. And there will also be those who will criticize something about us, if only our spouses (except for Daveen – who never criticizes me).

The trick is to corral in your inner critic and refrain from allowing that inner voice tell you something negative about yourself.  Do not cede to your own worst enemy a perch of honor on your shoulder right next to your ear.

And yet, how do you refrain from criticizing yourself or repressing some inherent truth about yourself?

Maybe you can’t.  Perhaps I will always try to mask my sensitive nature and keep it hidden.  Or maybe I can follow my dad’s advice, “Be nice to yourself.”  Maybe I can let myself recognize that is who I am, and it is okay to acknowledge and accept it. In the words of Tevia from Fiddler on the Roof, would it spoil some “vast eternal plan” if I always believe I will do my best, rather than needing to win or to lose? Do I need to put a cap on my emotions so as not to appear too sensitive? Or do I embrace all parts of me – and allow myself to feel as sensitive as I really am?

I do not believe that life is a zero-sum game.  In fact, I believe that the more you win, the more I win.

And I know that each of us has unique strengths, challenges, and abilities.  And also, I hope, a bit of sensitivity.

Alan