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Five Secrets of Entertaining a Group

Entertainment-Peopletools-1I don’t think of myself as a professional entertainer.  Far from it.  I’m most comfortable talking with a friend at lunch or, at most, another couple when dining out. I’m outside my comfort zone if I’m expected to socialize with many people in one room.

I still remember a “surprise” party I threw for my girlfriend (later to become my wife) for her nineteenth birthday.  I planned the party for weeks, especially the entertainment which consisted of games with prizes.  I had cleverly structured the evening so that every one of the twelve or fourteen guests would win a valuable prize.  If that sounds to you like I was trying to “buy” friends, you are exactly right.  On the appointed night, even though I waited for an extra hour, two of the invited couples failed to arrive.  This put a crimp in my plans and a dent in my self-esteem.  The party was a success, but by the end of the evening I felt no exhilaration as I shut the front door on the heels of the final couple to leave. I only sensed relief and exhaustion.  There had been no major crisis, and that was about as good as I could have expected.

During the past fifty or more years I have hosted a number of parties for as many as three hundred guests.  I am more comfortable now, since there has never been a disaster. In fact, the vast majority of my guests seem to thoroughly enjoy themselves. I know this because I am often asked, “When’s the next party?” Even so, I still worry.

From my experience I offer five secrets on how to successfully entertain a group of many, even if you’re a natural introvert like I am.

  1. Enjoy yourself during the party. Your guests are watching you, and if you have a smile on your face and interact with many people, they will follow your lead.
  2. Invite a diverse group of people whom you like – no downers, please – and allow them to find each other. Other than for the head table, I never assign seating.  Guests are free to find old friends, connect with new friends, or, as I do at other peoples parties, locate a table off to the side with a single end seat for me so that my wife can be my human conversation shield.
  3. AlanWithCake-Launch Party-2Provide enough food and drink to satisfy everyone. I’ve been to a few parties where the food consisted of stale potato chips and the drink was one bottle of diet coke to be shared six ways.
  4. Get out of the way and let it roll. At the midpoint of my recent 75th birthday party, with 275 invited guests, my party planner Jeanne pushed her way through the crowd to whisper in my ear, “Alan, I’ve lost control of the party.”  And, indeed, she had.  Everyone sat down for dinner forty-five minutes late.  It was impossible to hear the piano player over the clamor of conversation.  And the magician cut his act, not his assistant, in half because everyone was having far too much fun talking and scarfing down cake and ice cream to pay attention to him.  The party was an outstanding success.
  5. On a vacation with many family members or friends, I plan one event a day (usually breakfast or dinner) which everyone is expected to attend. This provides a bit of structure and the opportunity to share experiences.  Otherwise, the vacation, like a party, is a free for all.  Some guests may enjoy bungee jumping, hiking, or horseback riding.  Others may turn to golf, shopping, or reading a book while relaxing near the swimming pool.  All of them will figure out what they would enjoy most, and I don’t have to organize anything, other than for myself.

Of course, if all else fails I might pass out some of those expensive party favors saved from that “surprise” nineteenth birthday party I worried about so many years ago.

Alan

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Life is a Team Sport

Life-Is-A-TeamSport-1I’m in Edinburgh for the Fringe Festival, where every year I like to see as many as seven performances a day (plays, musical shows, comedians). I may be a nut about this, but every so often I enjoy being absorbed in something other than business and writing for a week or ten days.

Last night I was seated in the front row for “Showstoppers,” one of my favorite improvisational groups. Each night these seven actors and three musicians create an original musical — a different show every time. I’m extremely impressed by their creativity as well as their vast knowledge of musical theater. As a group they present original songs, dialogue, and dance steps on the spot, in styles as varied as Steven Sondheim or Sound of Music (styles chosen by the audience). To succeed, each actor, as well as the musicians, has to be quick and coordinate with the others. If they come up with a good idea three seconds late, the entire project could fail and the audience might begin to walk out.

Last night their improvisation, suggested and voted on by the audience, was set in Hell and titled, by a member of the audience, Sinning in the Flames, a take-off on Singing in the Rain. The audience clapped along to several songs, and laughed throughout the performance.

In the lobby after the show I spoke with Dylan, the narrator. He told me that “Showstoppers” has been performing at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival for eight years, and combined with their touring schedule has performed together more than six hundred times. That’s a lot of improvisation. At the end of September the group is opening on London’s West End, England’s version of Broadway. They are more than excited.

“Showstoppers” is a perfect example of teamwork. Each member of the group has to play off the others, sing a different verse of their newly minted songs, and create dance routines which seem to have been rehearsed and practiced for weeks. Teamwork and timing are critical. The songs have to be sung and dance performed in unison throughout the one hour show.

Teamwork. That’s what life is about, whether in families, businesses, or nations. We work together for the benefit of all.

So here I am in my room at the Edinburgh Sheraton, a well located hotel with a friendly staff and great breakfast buffet (teamwork), racing to finish this blog before leaving for a highly rated comedian who starts his show in thirty-five minutes. But even his one-man show is the product of teamwork. After all, organizing and presenting the festival is an enormous team effort. Each show does need ticket takers.

Life-Is-A-TeamSport-2And my team will take over when I finish writing this blog. Nancy and Joel will help to edit, before I revise, and Kat will add graphics and put this blog up on the Peopletoolsbook.com web site. (Lauren normally does that but she and her husband are here with us in Edinburgh, taking in the sights today.) It’s fun, and effective, for me to work with a passionate and dedicated team, especially when I’m out of the office or, in this case, out of the country.

And I’ll be back at my desk next Monday morning, implementing business improvisations with the ACF and People Tools teams. At my office we each have an important role but, unlike “Showstoppers,” we have the advantage of perfecting our act over hours or days, not just a few seconds. That is certainly a relief to me.

Alan

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Communicate Positively – Yes I’m Sure

postiiveBrain-peopletoolsToday a friend asked me for some advice on how to deal with a problematic client who refused to pay a deposit on a real estate purchase. My friend made the deposit for her himself.

“Should I tell her that next time if she doesn’t make a deposit I won’t do business with her?”

I flinched because “doesn’t” and “won’t” are words that, as much as possible, I have eliminated from my vocabulary.  I advised my friend to make the same point, but in a positive way by saying, “The instant you make a deposit I will send your offer to the listing broker.”

One of the biggest and best kept secrets about how to get along well with anyone is simply this:  Communicate positively.

Who would you rather do business with?  Someone who consistently says “won’t” or someone who says “I’d be happy to”?  For me the answer is clear, and extends far beyond business.  I like to spend time with people who are positive.

Suppose you call your mother to share an article you think she’d be interested in, “Mom, I just read this great blog that I think you would enjoy.” But instead of thanking you, she says, “Why would I like that? We don’t have the same taste.”  You might feel rejected and resolve to never again suggest that your mother read anything.  Instead of feeling closer to her, as you intended, you would undoubtedly feel more distant.

But suppose your mother replies, “You always have such good suggestions.  I’d love to read the blog.  Thanks.”  That response is positive and encouraging.

My wife and I often invite my father to join us when we plan to see a movie.  Walking back to our car I generally ask him how he liked it.  Sometimes his answer is, “I really enjoyed spending the evening with you.  Thanks for asking me out.”

This reply tells me that Dad probably didn’t care for the movie, but he is communicating in a positive manner that encourages us to ask him out again.  He offers praise and thanks.  That works wonders for our relationship.

Many of us have unconsciously fallen into the “Negative” trap.  I know a woman who initially says “No” to any invitation.  Then, after talking about it, she often changes her reply to “Yes.”  But the damage has been done.  Whoever made the offer feels rejected and unhappy, even though her final answer was affirmative.

postivemind-life-peopletoolsAs an experiment, I suggest that you listen carefully to the words you say, and take another look when you write your next text or email.  Then change each “won’t” or “doesn’t” to “will” or “does.”  Stay away from “not.” This is not hard to do.  Oops.  I mean, this is easy to do.  But you may need to increase your awareness of how you communicate.

I have one related suggestion. When I am positive, some people think I’m just being polite, so they give me another chance to lay the “No” word on them.  They will ask, “Are you sure?”

My answer is always the same.  “Yes, I’m sure.  I may not be right, but I am sure.”

To borrow a tag line from a TV ad many years ago, “Try it.  You’ll like it.”

So will everyone you come into contact with, and your popularity will soar.

I’m positive.

Alan

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