Before I get to the punch line, I’ll share that when I was a child, the answer to that question was very easy for me. Back then, I thought my mother could solve all my problems. I also thought that she saved me from “stunting my growth” by refusing to let me drink coffee.

As a teenager, how to ask a girl for a date was one of my biggest problems. At that time, I was overweight and obnoxious — not exactly a dream date. (And I haven’t even mentioned pimples.) And yet, the only way to get a date was to ask, and face the risk of potential rejection, and the only one who could solve that problem– was me.

Somehow, I managed to survive those years, and was lucky enough to marry a very nice woman when we were both 21. For many years we helped solve each other’s problems, though at 84, that seems like a long time ago. Although we moved on to other marriages, we shared many years as co-parents, and still live only a few miles apart.

I’ve had many different doctors who’ve helped solve various health problems. The scariest was when I had to have emergency surgery after I developed a post-surgical infection in my neck.

When I formed ACF Property Management in 1968 I ran the company with twelve employees, eleven of whom were women. I thought that was a nice balance. I guess you could say I’ve always enjoyed being in the company of women. For my tenth birthday party, I invited ten girls and, at my mother’s insistence, one boy.

Over the years I have owned and managed hundreds of commercial real estate properties for more than five hundred investors, assisted by a loyal and reliable staff of 25 or 30 employees.

So what is the punch line?  One obvious answer might seem to be “me.”  After all, the problems were mine.  But nope. That answer would be incorrect.

I have not solved my own problems (to the extent they have been solved).

My problems have been solved in collaboration with many others. I am grateful, as we all should be, to the large team of people who have helped me through the years.

With special thanks to Nancy, problem-solver extraordinaire, who has helped to edit my blog since it began more than ten years ago, and to Zatesia who has posted my blog and a photo, even when Monday was a holiday.

And thanks to all of you for being a part of my life, for reading my blogs, and for being amongst those who might just help me solve my problems in the future.

Alan

According to a recent news story, only about half of the adult population in the United States is married.  Apparently, many people live together without any formal confirmation of their relationship.

I recall an evening early in my career when I was actively soliciting new investors.  One of my best investors was a doctor at Kaiser, and he’d arranged a meeting for me to introduce about 20 other Kaiser doctors to my commercial real estate investments.  As I recall, four or five ultimately became investors.

After my successful presentation I drove home. At that time, I was not married.  In fact, I was living by myself.   I wanted to share my success with someone, but, alas, there was no one at home with whom I could share my good news.  I felt the aloneness of the moment acutely and it dampened the joy I’d felt earlier.

I sometimes think of myself as a loner, but that’s not really accurate.  In business I don’t like voting partners. But, in fact, I enjoy being a member of two groups – my extended  family at home (all six of my children live in the Los Angeles area), and my “work” family at ACF. There are weeks when I spend more time with “my family” at the office than I do at home with my wife and kids and grandchildren.

I have read that many older people, mostly men living alone, can go for weeks without talking to another human being.  That seems terribly sad to me.

I believe that most of us enjoy our lives more when we are able to share our successes, and commiserate about our failures, with a close friend or family.  So, here’s a toast to those who are fortunate enough to have relationships that we enjoy, and one in which we also find support. And here’s a reminder to those who aren’t so lucky – it’s never too late to establish new friendships. They might be the best investments you’ll ever make.

Alan

P. S. Daveen and I were first married almost 50 years ago. We’ve been living together again for several years now.  But we are officially getting married again in September.  How’s that for romance!

Joseph Oroop: an interesting name, and it comes with an interesting story.

Both of my parents were professional musicians. They began their careers in the 1930’s during the Great Depression.  My mom played the trumpet. My dad originally studied the violin but did not play very well.  His parents asked his teacher what instrument he might play only moderately well and still be able to earn a living as a musician. The answer was the Voltone (French horn).  They were told that it was a difficult instrument to master but there were few professional French horn players at that time, and they were greatly in demand.

Dad practiced the horn six hours a day during the summer, and three hours a day while he was in high school.  His efforts paid off. He earned a job as First horn in the Washington, D.C. philharmonic when he was only 18.

With two professional-musician parents, it should come as no surprise that I was expected to play both the piano and the French horn – although not professionally. At my parents’ urging I also studied musical composition privately with Joseph Oroop. His studio was located on Barham Boulevard.  All these years later, every time I pass Barham on the 101 Freeway I think of him. He taught me an important lesson.

One day after a session, Oroop confronted me. He began by saying that that I puzzled him.

“Most of my students love composition and begin working on their own original pieces.  The ones who don’t drop out quickly.  You’ve been studying with me for more than three months.  You haven’t caught “on fire”, and you haven’t quit. You just do what I assign, nothing more, nothing less.  What’s up?”

I thought about his question for a few weeks.  And then I quit.  I realized that I lacked the requisite passion and was clearly not destined to be a composer.  To this day I believe that it takes exceptional talent to compose music.  As the founder of Rattle, a literary magazine, I also think that to write poetry or music well, one must be especially gifted.

The lesson here, one we all face repeatedly in life, is when to give up.

Sometimes the answer is “Never.”  But when the answer is “Soon,” you might convert that to “Now.”  Is there something in your life that you are choosing to do regularly even though you don’t really like doing it? You have my permission to stop.

Unless your life partner disagrees, of course.

Alan