People ToolsA Blog By Alan C. Fox
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Alan C. FoxAuthor. Entrepreneur. Game-changer.
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The Light Bulb Has to Want to Change

by Alan C. Fox 0 Comments

openheart-peopletools-1This morning I received a letter from an enthusiastic reader of my first book, People Tools, published in 2014.  I wrote that book, and the two that followed, to share my thoughts on how you can improve your relationships.

The letter said, in part:

“After reading the strategy ‘Socrates-Know Thyself’, Jen realized that although she had been feeling that she should accept the offer she received to go to college at Berkeley, she felt in her heart that she was meant to go to UCLA and ultimately made the decision to accept their offer instead.  She wrote to [my daughter] Erika in October saying that it was the best decision she ever made and thanked her for giving her family the book that helped change her life.

“Erika also gave a copy of People Tools to her boss, Debi, who owns and runs an upscale beauty salon. . . Debi read the book and loved it so much, particularly the ‘Catch Them Being Good’ strategy which she says she uses daily at work with her stylists and at home with her husband (who is undergoing treatment for a brain tumor) and young kids and is seeing fantastic results, that she decided to put the book in the back room of her salon for employees to read during their breaks.  Erica says that Debi’s copy of ‘People Tools” is now very dog-eared and a bit tattered because the employees have been reading it so much, they have had great discussions on the various tools, and have all benefitted from the resulting exchange of deep concepts and ideas.”

I am not sharing this letter with you so you can read a compliment from a fan of People Tools.  I am sharing it because, upon reflection, I realize that the best I can do for you, and for myself, is to share.  I cannot force anyone to buy my book, or to read it, or to find anything useful in it. As the joke says, “The light bulb has to want to change.”

No two of us have identical style, habits, or values.  We may be neat or messy.  Some of us live to eat, others eat to live.  Our highest value in life may be to accumulate wealth.  It may be to raise happy children, or to immerse ourselves in sports, or simply to be heard or to be loved.

Today my highest value, other than being healthy (if that doesn’t involve TOO much exercise), is to share my ideas and myself with others, both through writing and in person.  I want to feel that I am helpful.

IMG_1314In every relationship there are differences.  Your partner, your parents, and your friends, are not clones of you.  When you fail to get everything you want in a relationship, what is your best solution? Can you pester and nag someone into submission?  As one of my daughters says with sarcasm, “Yeah.  That’ll work.”

You can’t change someone else’s eating habits or force them to tear themselves away from their electronic devices.  I’ve been there, done that, with limited success. So what can you (we) do?

This evening I saw a performance of “Beauty and the Beast,” in which the Beast is advised at the end to speak from his heart, which he does.  Ultimately that is the best any of us can do. Tell your friends you love them.  Mentor people who are starting out, not by criticizing their ignorance, but by sharing your own accumulated experience and wisdom.  Put your fear on hold as much as you can, and speak from your heart.

You can do this.  As soon as you are ready.

Alan

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Five Tips on How to Succeed at Everything

by Alan C. Fox 2 Comments

relationship-yours-peopletoolsloveToday I aim to do everything better than I did yesterday.  I want to be a better friend, a better father and husband, a better writer and businessman.  Here are five tips on how to succeed at everything.

  1. Show up.
  2. Do something.
  3. Think timing.
  4. Avoid battles.
  5. Cut losses.

First, you simply have to show up.  You will never succeed unless you show up, whether in class, to a social event, or at work.  I have found I seldom learn a subject until I take a class, read a book, or consult an expert.  I have never met a new friend while I was watching TV in bed.  My writing career took off when I finally finished the book I had been working on for twenty years.

After you show up you have to do something.  Occasionally I find myself at my office, in front of my computer screen, staring into space.  One Saturday years ago I arrived at nine am, started playing a computer game, and suddenly realized that it was four pm and I hadn’t even thought about lunch.  You don’t have to do a lot, but you can do something useful every day, even if it is only making a written note on your calendar of what you want to accomplish tomorrow.  Get into the habit of doing something each day that will contribute to your success.

Think timing.  One morning I accosted my general manager just as she was dropping her purse on her desk, and I peppered her with questions about a problem I had been working on for an hour.  “Alan, you have to say hello first,” she said.  My timing was off.  Also, I find that I am better at solving difficult problems early in the morning, or, sometimes, in the evening.  I schedule easier tasks, such as meetings, in the afternoon.

stopwishing-peopletoolsAvoid battles.  Even if you enjoy fighting with people you are not going to win every dispute.  Why not reserve your time and energy for the more important struggles, those where the outcomes matter most to you?  And be careful to avoid falling into the briar patch of litigation, where your attorney will be the winner.  Five years ago I entered into a large business transaction without thinking it through.  What followed was almost two years of furious litigation that consumed one-third of my business time and most of my emotional energy.  It ended in a costly settlement.  My attorneys celebrated.

Cut losses.  You have limited resources.  I hate to lose, but should I spend my life trying to turn around a small loss, or should I allocate my time, money, and energy to a project that promises a gain.  Cutting your losses is especially important in relationships.  Surround yourself with people who are happy and contribute joy to your life.  Just as you will bask in the glow of their achievements, they will contribute to your own contentment and success.

You have created the life you live today.  You can design an even better life for all of your tomorrows.  I hope this blog will help.

Alan

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Make It Easy for Me

by Alan C. Fox 2 Comments

makeiteasy-peopletoolsEvery time I’m asked to write a letter of recommendation my reaction is the same.

“I would be happy to.  Please give me a draft.  Put in whatever is important to you, then send me the letter to edit.”

In other words – make it easy for me.

A few weeks ago I violated my own rule.  Abbot, a friend and business associate of twenty years, asked for a letter of reference. He provided four letters written by other business people.  I thought, “This will be easy,” and immediately forwarded Abbot’s email to my assistant, asking her to write a draft.

An hour later she responded.  “Alan, I don’t know him well enough.”

Fair enough.  I quickly skimmed the four letters that Abbot had provided, then emailed him a three sentence letter.  I heard back right away.

“Alan, this won’t do.  Maybe I should draft the letter for you myself.”

I agreed. It’s what I should have asked him to do in the first place.

Stephanie, another friend of mine, flies to Orlando every year to join a colleague at Disney World.

“I don’t especially love Disney World.” Stephanie said,

“Then why to you go there so regularly?”

““Because I love my friend, and I enjoy spending time with her.  And she makes it so easy for me.  She takes care of all of the airline and hotel reservations, buys the tickets, provides for ground transportation, and plans our schedule in advance and in detail.  All I have to do is pack my suitcase and walk onto the airplane.”

If I were to ask you to “please help me out,” I might be met by your blank stare because I haven’t even told you what I want.  I’ve already made your task difficult, if not impossible.

Three or four times at a restaurant I’ve said to the waiter, “Surprise me.  Bring me something interesting.”

The response, every time, was, “What do you like?”  This is a reasonable question, but once I stood my ground.  “Surprise me.”  And I was surprised by a meal which I hated.  Now I’m more careful in what I ask for, and try to be both specific and clear.

happiness-findsyour-peopletoolsWhen I talk with someone who might be interested in a commercial real estate investment I provide photos and two pages of information that is easy to understand.  I sometimes provide a rent roll of the tenants on request. I have learned to keep my presentation simple. I don’t talk about two investments at the same time because, in the past, I have always been asked, “Which one is better?”  Then when I talked about the pros and cons of each property I saw only confusion in the eyes of my prospective investor. This always resulted in no sale.

Online retailers such as Amazon make it easy for me to order from them.  I have tried to make it easy for you to subscribe, or unsubscribe, to my blog.  I’m sure that all of us have often failed to complete an order on the internet when we couldn’t complete the process quickly enough.

I want to please you.  Many people want to please you.  Make it easy for each of us to succeed.

Alan

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