The auditorium of our future is always pitch-black, and we never know for sure what will happen in that time to come.  We can write appointments on our calendars, pay in advance for our front row seat, and anticipate the appearance of a favorite guest.  But even though we are always seated in the front row center of our lives, we can observe nothing but the performance that the spotlight of “now” illuminates in a bright circle on stage.

I recently celebrated my seventy-fifth birthday at a dinner party on the top floor of a local hotel.  Food was ordered, several hundred guests invited, and decorations were in place.  A program was printed with the details of exactly what I expected to occur from 6:30 p.m. through the end of the evening.

But the spotlight of “now” did not shine on the prearranged program.  I arrived half an hour late to my own party and missed most of the appetizers as well as a balloon hat.  I had the opportunity before dinner to greet only a few of many guests.  Dinner was scheduled for 7:15, but everyone was talking, paying no attention to repeated requests to be seated.

Everything ran late.  The magician cut his act short.  The pianist never did have a moment to perform.  When the wind quintet finished (late) my party planner rushed over to me and said, “I’ve lost control of the party.”

I said, “No problem.  Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves.”

Since I was constantly surrounded many of my guests never found the opportunity to say “hello.”

In short, everyone had a wonderful time.

It is said that life is what happens while you are making plans.  Hardly a day in my life has gone by without the spotlight of “now” shining on something I did not either plan or expect, proving time and again that I am not entirely in charge of my own life..  I am, however, in charge of my reaction.

I have two rules for the unexpected.

First, I ask myself if I can change my “now” back to what I expected, or to what I planned, at an acceptable cost.  I’m sure I could have regained “control” of the party.  I could have taken a microphone and loudly announced, “Okay, enough conversation.  Please sit down for dinner because we’re running late.”

I think the cost of saying this, and putting the party back “on time,” would have been to dampen the high spirits and reduce the energy in the room.  I thought this cost too high, so I made no announcement.  I accepted the spotlight of “now” which was on the conversation, and not on the salad.

My second rule is that if I choose to allow the spotlight of “now” to shine where it will, I will simply smile, relax, and enjoy the ride.  My objective for the party was to provide an environment in which my guests and I could have fun and create warm memories.  That seemed to happen.  But, regardless, my job in living my life is to squeeze s much joy as possible out of every minute.  Basically, this means to find the positive in whatever the spotlight of “now” reveals.

When I was fourteen I was a hospital patient for the first time, about to have my appendix removed.  I was in serious pain and knew that my recovery from the operation would hurt even more.  I reframed my situation, and thought, “This is great.  This is going to really hurt, and for the rest of my life I will remember this day and better appreciate the absence of physical pain.”

Your life, and every one of your relationships, will bring surprises.  Not all will be happy.  Regardless, you are free to define whatever appears in your spotlight of “now” as positive.  Your “me,” your “us,” and your “now” will be the better for it.

Alan

At breakfast yesterday my granddaughter asked me to teach her about investments and how to handle money.  This is an excellent question for anyone, especially a new college graduate headed to medical school.

I thought of Warren Buffet, who is the most successful investor of the twentieth century.  How successful?  According to Wikipedia, in 2008 (at age seventy-eight), “Buffett became the richest person in the world, with a total net worth estimated at $62 billion.”

How did he do it?  The answer is simple.  Buffet has lived his business life following a series of his own principles.  Of course, this is far easier to declare than to accomplish, but in the case of Buffet the result of the “doing” speaks for itself.

One example of following his principles is that Buffet refuses to invest in an industry he does not understand.  This meant that in the 1990’s, when the price of tech stocks went through the clouds, he did not invest in those companies because he did not understand tech.  Many commentators wrote at the time that since he failed to participate in the “boom”, Buffet had become a “bust.”  After the tech stock price crash of the late 1990’s you might easily guess who is crying now.

Living by principles doesn’t just apply to money and the stock market.  It’s also important to have principles to live by.  For example:

1. Are you in charge of your life or are you a victim?  In other words, when life serves you lemons do you make lemonade, or do you complain about your situation?
2. In what areas do you think short-term, and in what areas do you think long term?  With regard to accumulating wealth, long-term works.  With respect to establishing deep, lasting relationships telling the truth works.
3. What are your principles about education?  I’m not only referring to formal education.  Do you want to learn more each day, or are you satisfied to live with what you already know?  My father is one-hundred years old, and shared with me this morning an idea he has about a new kind of collar for a man’s shirt.  My dad is always learning, always thinking.
4. Where are you on the scale of having compassion for others?  Compassion for yourself?
5. In what situations will you live by your principles, and in what situations will you compromise in order to do what is most expedient at the moment?  When you receive too much change at the grocery store will you keep it, or will you return it?
6. How much will you give your children?  Buffet says, “I want to give my kids just enough so that they would feel that they could do anything, but not so much that they would feel like doing nothing.”

In thinking about living by principles, I am mindful of the story about the Buddhist monastery which was invaded by robbers.  Finding nothing of value, the leader of the robbers put his knife to the throat of the head monk and said, “Where is the gold?”

The monk merely smiled up at him.

Again, the robber demanded to know the location of the gold.  The monk continued to smile at him.  Finally the thief said, “Don’t you know that I have the power to kill you?”

The monk said, “Don’t you know that I have the power to let you kill me?”

I’m not sure I would go that far in living by my principles, although a man who did is Thomas à Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, who was murdered on December 29, 1170.

Do you live by your principles?

Alan

(For more information from Warren Buffet, see The Essays of Warren Buffet:  Lessons for Corporate America, 2013, 3^rd edition, Selected, Arranged, and Introduced by Lawrence A. Cunningham.)