“Aside from the move, Alan, how is the new house?”

Thanks for asking.

Daveen and I have been living in our new home for more than a week and I’m just starting to be able to find my way home by “feel.”  I’ve memorized notable landmarks on the street, like the tall pine tree on a neighbor’s property a few doors down.

But the force of habit is strong.  In our previous house the door to the master bath was in the upper left corner of the bedroom.  In the new house, the bathroom is in the lower left corner.  I haven’t yet walked out into the garden when I needed to use the bathroom, but I still have to think about it.

The biggest plus is that the kitchen is now only sixty steps from our bed.  It used to be more than double that, with the added complication of having to navigate a staircase en route.  Our new house is only one story, one of Daveen’s specifications, and that is probably a wise choice since this is intended to be the home we grow older in.

The biggest negative is that my commute is now about fifteen minutes each way, compared with only 8 minutes previously.  One could say that my commute time has almost doubled, or that I am now spending an extra fourteen minutes in my car every day, time that I could be spending doing other things, like playing mah jong!   Or one could also conclude that 30 minutes of total commuting each day is minor, especially for the sprawling city of Los Angeles.  One of my employees told me that her commute is 45 minutes each way – on a good day.

At least my office has been in the same place since 2003, and as far as I’m concerned, I’m going to keep it that way.  Enough moving already!

Yesterday I shopped for groceries for Thanksgiving.  I plan to prepare my favorite turkey stuffing tomorrow so I can enjoy eating it from Tuesday all the way through the end of the week (only sixty steps from my bed!).

My best suggestion for your holiday season – take the batteries out of your bathroom scale.

That way, when you wonder how much weight you have gained, you can honestly tell yourself, “I don’t know.”

Happy Thanksgiving!

Alan

Last week, Daveen and I moved into a house that we’ve been remodeling for more than a year.  It was a moving experience – pun intended.

For more than 50 years I’ve lived in the same Sherman Oaks zip code. And while this is the fourth different house, it will presumably be the last.

As with any change, there are plusses and minuses.  Since this is, I expect, the house I am going to live in for the rest of my life, I will focus exclusively on the advantages.

1. It’s almost walking distance to Stanley’s, one of my favorite restaurants. I especially love their Cobb salad.
2. It’s almost walking distance to Whole Foods, one of my favorite grocery stores.
3. It’s a 15-minute commute to my office. My former commute was 9 minutes, but now we have a lovely backyard, with a real swimming pool (as opposed to the “miniature” swimming pool at the old house), and there is room for us to add a pickleball court.
4. The new house has easy access to the freeways.
5. Our kitchen is 30 steps from the primary bedroom. That’s important to me.
6. The new house has only one story so there are no stairs. That’s important to Daveen.

I should also mention that the new house is about half the size of our previous home. It will be easier to maintain, and half the cost.  (Of course, temporarily, I’ll be paying to carry two houses.)

And so, I expect all will be perfect in our new home, just as soon as I learn how to use the fancy new TV with its 84-inch screen.  Though I did manage to watch the USC-Oregon football game last Saturday evening, USC, sadly, lost.  Ah, well.  I suppose it would be boring if USC won all its football games every year (Alabama – are you listening?).

I’ll let you know how the move turns out.  In a year or two.  After all the boxes are emptied.

Alan

In any relationship, whether it’s a brief encounter with a stranger, a social engagement with a friend, or dealing with your partner on a daily basis, everyone benefits from observing the Three G’s of Relationships.

Those Three G’s are:

1. The Givens.
2. The Give-ins.
3. The Give-ups.

The “Givens” are what we mutually expect from one another in a particular situation.

For example, when I am checking out of the grocery store, it is expected that I will place my groceries onto the check-out counter. The checker will scan each item, tell me the total I owe, and then I will pay for my purchases before I take them to my car.

One of the “Givens” for me in a marriage relationship is knowing when my partner and I can expect one another to be home in the evening. Other people might have different “Givens” in their relationships, but that is something that is established by the participants in accordance with their own situation and desires.

The second G, the “Give-ins,” are what we have to give in to.  When you’re walking on the sidewalk towards another pedestrian, who goes left and who goes right?  Personally, I pretend I’m driving, so I stick to the right lane.  That usually works.  If not, the stranger and I need to make eye contact to figure out how we will get by each other. If the other person isn’t moving out of my way, I might have to “give in” and move to the left.

In a close relationship one “Give-in” might be that your partner wants to sleep later than you. Then you might leave the lights off and drapes closed in your bedroom and move as quietly as you can to let them sleep undisturbed. We all have our “give-ins’ in a relationship, those compromises we regularly make to keep each other happy.

The third G, the “Give-ups,” are what we each need to let go of.  Basically, we need to give up a part of our autonomy.

In business we are normally expected to work a certain number of hours each week and also might be expected to show up at our place of work by a specific time on specific days.  For most this means we can’t sleep late on a weekday, or go fishing, or stay in bed and read a book. Not always being in control of your own time is one important kind of “give-up.”

Another might be privacy. In a close relationship a “give-up” might be agreeing to carry a cell phone, and/or letting the other person know where you are so they don’t worry. These are just some of the sacrifices we make in exchange for a happy relationship.

In addition, it always helps to be respectful. That should a “Given” in every relationship.

The Three G’s.  Easy steps that will hopefully help you get along happily with others.

Alan