One of the most important priorities in life is how you deal with truth.

As I have written in my book People Tools for Love and Relationships, when I was a kid I lied to my father a lot.  I knew that if I admitted that I took a pumpkin from a vacant lot without permission I would be punished.  If I lied and said that I had gotten permission there was a chance that I would get away with my deceit.  A small chance.

I seldom lied to my mother, other than about the ten dollars I once took from her purse.  I think she must have known I had stolen the money because for a month or two I bought a lot more comic books than I could possibly afford on my allowance.

When I started in business I had one of those “come to your senses, you are a grown up now” conversations with myself, in which I decided that in business I would always tell the truth.  But, to tell you the truth, my decision was not based on moral grounds at all.

I simply realized that I didn’t have a great memory for conversations, and I knew that I couldn’t possibly remember what story I had told to what person. But I knew that I would keep out of trouble by always telling the same story – the truth.

For the past fifty years I’ve enjoyed many conversations with business people, and I’m totally comfortable in talking about something I told them two months or two years ago.  I never need to worry about being “caught.”  Thanks, Dad.

How about truth telling from others?  I’m not talking here about the little white lies we tell each other to preserve one another’s feelings. I’m talking about outright deception where someone is not telling the truth with wrongful intentions. I find the world to be a pretty unpredictable place, especially if you don’t know who to trust. I don’t know who will be elected President but I do think politicians running for office hide their true thoughts.

The problem in dealing with lies and liars is simply this:  if I can’t believe everything you say then I can’t believe anything you say.  In other words, if you make fifty statements to me and one of those is a lie, how can I possibly know which one?  I can’t.  So even if you only lie to me once in a while, I will have trouble believing anything you say.  That makes me uncomfortable.  Very uncomfortable.

Trusting your family, your business associates, and yourself is an essential part of feeling comfortable in your own skin and in a world filled with others. Trust is built upon truth.  Trust is destroyed by lies, even if those deceptions are rare.

What is your own priority about dealing with the truth?

I’ll end with a joke.  At least I think it’s a joke.

“How do you know when a lawyer is lying?”

“His lips are moving.”

Have a nice week.

Alan

I am a creature of many habits.

My favorite part of any vacation is returning home to sleep in my own bed.  In forty-nine years I have only relocated my office twice. I have worked with Cathy, my general manager, and Ed, my Chief Financial Officer, for over thirty years. I have lived in the same house for four decades.

You might think, based on the above, that I am opposed to change. That isn’t the case. But every new habit replaces an old habit, and each begins with a discovery that my priorities have changed. I am not unique in this. We all have to make decisions every day based on our priorities.  The question we have to ask ourselves is: do we prefer to stick with our old patterns, or are we open to new experiences?

How we answer that question depends on how well we like what we have been doing, and whether or not we are willing, or even eager, to try to improve our lives with something different.

My friend Howard does not like to travel, and for many years he would take a two week vacation to Hawaii, staying in exactly the same room in the same hotel every time.  Once, when “his” room was unavailable, he simply stayed home.  His wife Marilyn . . . I should say his ex-wife Marilyn . . . now travels frequently, by herself, to many different destinations.

I am not saying that there is any “right” or “wrong” way to deal with change.  It’s simply a matter of taste or, to my way of thinking, your own personal priorities.

When I was young my mother overcooked vegetables, and her idea of salad dressing was either plain vinegar or lemon juice.  Yuck!  I was more than fifty years old before I would consider eating a salad as a main course. At a restaurant recently I enjoyed a side of vegetables that tasted better than the meat entrée.

A number of years ago I read an interview with older men and women in hospice care.  They were asked what they regretted most in their lives.  As you can guess, none of them wished they had spent more time at the office working. None of their regrets centered on what they had done, even if that ski trip had ended with an injury.  All of their regrets were about what they had not done, what they might have missed.

I like the safety of stability in my life.  That’s why I have always created a home base to which I can return.  I have seldom lived by myself.  I enjoy giving and receiving emotional support, and appreciate sharing my life with someone. I enjoy the pleasure of their company.

Shortly after I separated from my first wife I gave a presentation one evening to a group of potential investors. The presentation was quite successful, and yet I was desolate on my drive home because I knew there was no one there with whom I could share my excitement.

What are your priorities? Are they making you happy? Maybe you’d like to put more zest in your life, or connect with a friend you haven’t seen for years.  Maybe you’d like to send a gift to someone for no reason at all, or have someone else order for you at your favorite restaurant. Is there something you’ve been longing to do? If so, I encourage you to do it.  None of us will be here forever. So don’t let your old habits keep you from bringing the joy of discovery into your life today, tomorrow and every day.

Alan