When I drove home from work recently the road I normally take was closed for repairs.  I took a detour that added about 30 seconds to my drive.

The world is filled with literal roadblocks where there is no option but to find an alternate route.  But sometimes life’s metaphorical roadblocks — psychological or financial — can be more subtle, and more challenging.

Years ago I read an article in the Wall Street Journal describing the ten most important rules of money.  The author’s first rule was:  “Don’t run out of money.”  His last rule was also, “Don’t run out of money.”  The other eight rules, he said, were not nearly as important.

To avoid breaking the first and last rule of money, different people might use different routes.  Diana, a friend of mine, kept a list of all her regular monthly expenses such as food and housing, and a second list of all her extraordinary expenses such as a down payment on a house or a long vacation.  She explained to me, “I collect everything due to me on time, and I pay all of my bills on time.  I also keep enough money in an emergency fund to cover unpredictable expenses.”  In this way she was able to navigate around unforeseen financial roadblocks.

Psychological roadblocks can also be a challenge to predict, plan for, and overcome.

My mother hated to drive.  She was eager for me to get my own driver’s license so that I could be her chauffeur.  I liked to drive, and was delighted to help out. Otherwise, I faced roadblock of my own – parental permission to use the car. Running errands for my mother was a way around both of our problems. I would often ask, “Do you need anything from the store, Mom?” I was happy to be the solution to my mother’s psychological roadblock because it helped me overcome my own financial ones (not having a car or money for gas).

The COVID-19 pandemic has now stretched out for more than a year, and has created a number of roadblocks for everyone.  We’ve adapted our lives to allow for social distancing. At last, many grandparents have been vaccinated and can resume the simple pleasure of hugging their grandchildren.

Soon we might be able to travel and gather with friends and family again without fear of spreading a deadly illness.

We know that our world is filled with unpredictable roadblocks.

Fortunately, it is also filled with many roads as well as alternate routes, some that might be even more scenic than the route we had originally planned.

Alan

We’ve all heard about modern pirates roaming the Indian Ocean off the eastern shore of Somalia.  We’ve also visited the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at every Disney theme park.  Are there any other pirates in the world that we should try to avoid?

You bet!  An invisible Jolly Roger waves in every nook and cranny of our fair land.  I’ve read that employers steal billions from workers paychecks every year, with 17% of low-wage workers cheated out of their minimum wage pay. Scammers swindle older Americans out of another $3 billion a year.

I have known two pirates personally.  I’ll call one Bill (because that is what he did), and the other Paul (because he turned out to be appalling).

Bill was a rare coin dealer.  He walked the plank right out of my life several years ago. One of my sons said to me, “Dad, this guy is selling you all kinds of jewelry and other stuff, claiming that his prices are lower than wholesale.  Why don’t you check that out?”

We hired an appraiser.  My son was right.  Every item was significantly overpriced.

I also cut Paul adrift.  He was an outstanding salesman, but became greedy, taking more and more of the treasure for himself.  Ultimately his pirate ship sank in deep water, and Pirate Paul and his crew are now at the bottom of the sea.  At least metaphorically.  In real life they are fighting lawsuits.

But the pirate life of Bill and Paul is trivial when compared to the losses I’ve incurred from the swashbuckling pirates of Wall Street.

For one example, a few years ago Toys R Us filed for bankruptcy and vacated several of our shopping centers.  Were they losing money in the toy business?  Not at all.  That business was profitable.  But in taking Toys R Us private, and then public again, Wall Street saddled the company with $500,000,000 in annual loan payments, a burden Toys R Us simply couldn’t pay.

The Pirates of Wall Street grasped the gold.  The public was left with a vacant casket and a mortgage.

Take a look at any American flag.  Can you see a faint Jolly Roger waving at you right beside it?

Avast ye scurvy dogs!

Alan

One of my daily pleasures is reading the Ask Amy advice column in the Los Angeles Times.  Many readers ask for guidance on how to deal with difficult people in their lives. I call these difficult people, “Thorns.” They are the relatives, coworkers, or friends who are just not easy to deal with. We all know who they are.

Each of us has a unique way of interacting with others, but some of us are consistently Roses, and others are Thorns.  Some of us are easy going, while others are prickly, difficult, and quick to offend. We can also be either, or both, depending upon the situation.

I decided years ago that I would prefer to be a Rose when dealing with others. A Rose is sweet and dispenses delight.  A Thorn is painful and delivers discord. To a great extent we can decide at any given moment whether we will be a Rose, or a Thorn. For example, when a coworker, friend, or family member asks me for anything my standard answer is “yes.”  Why not?  We all have more than enough “no’s” in our lives, and I don’t want to add to that burden. And “yes” moves us forward, while “no” stops us dead in our tracks. “Yes” is open and receptive. “No,” is sharp and tinged with potential disappointment.

Also, in conversation I like to listen closely to what the other person is saying.  I always learn more when I listen than when I talk.  Many say I’m good at having conversations, when actually I’ve just been listening. Thorns don’t care what you have to say. They will often shut you down or are only interested in talking about themselves. Roses, on the other hand, want hear from you. They listen.

We all have opinions.  Was the Golden Globe award ceremony on national TV last night a great show, or was it only good, or was it terrible?  Everyone who watched it will have a different opinion. Our varied opinions on that are probably not too important in a relationship, but the way we deal with them are. Thorns will not accept your right to feel differently than they do about something. Roses will.

If we are judgmental about another person (“That was really stupid of you”) rather than supportive (“I’m so sorry you had that experience”) we are going to impact our relationships. Who would you rather be in a relationship with?

Rose or Thorn?

It’s up to you.

Alan