Facing the Monster

When I was three years old I was terrified by a recurring nightmare.  Night after night “The Big Bad Wolf,” came through my bedroom walls to chase me.  When I tried to get away, he ran me down.

Each night I woke up screaming, just as my dad came from his bedroom to calm me.  Always, he offered the same advice, “Alan, you don’t have to be afraid of the Big Bad Wolf.  Stop running away.  The next time he chases you just turn around, look him in the eye, and say, ‘Mr. Wolf, you don’t scare me one bit.  Go away.’”

Like much advice in life, this was easier said than done.

My nightmares continued for months.  Finally, I did exactly as my dad suggested.  In my dream I stopped running.  I turned around and said to the Big Bad Wolf, “Mr. Wolf, you don’t scare me one bit.  Go away.”

The wolf stared at me, looked surprised, then turned tail and disappeared forever.

I had the opportunity to apply this lesson when, as an adult, I was accosted in a courthouse corridor by the well-known (and particularly nasty) celebrity attorney Marvin Mitchelson.  He had just lost a hearing against me inside the courtroom.

“We’ll get you for …”

You name it, he threatened it, loudly and publically.  Following my dad’s advice, I stepped toward him until our noses almost touched.  “Marvin,” I said, “you lost in court and you don’t scare me one bit.”  I stood there until he backed away.

Toward the end of his career, attorney Mitchelson was suspended from the practice of law by the California bar, and spent two years serving time in Lompoc prison.

But you can only face a monster when you know it exists. A few days ago, I realized for the very first time, there has been another monster chasing me during my entire adult life.  The Productivity monster.

I have always felt the need to justify my use of time, especially to myself.  I’ve tried to be productive each moment.  This has been a blessing, because I’ve accomplished a lot.  It has also been a curse, because I have seldom allowed myself to fully relax.

So I said to the Big Bad Productivity Wolf, “I don’t need to be productive all of the time.  Often I can do exactly what I like, even if it’s not productive.  Go away.”

Of course, habits in any form do not relinquish their power easily.  But I think I’ve got this one on the run.

Of course, I will continue to write this blog every week.  Even though it feels productive, communicating with you remains my great pleasure.

Alan